A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So I'm 16 and I have a baby. His father is about 4 years older and were still together. Lately I've been feeling like I'm on lockdown which I know I may not to do as much with a child but me and him dont live together so I have most of the responsibility of making sure he's comforted and safe. I'm very young and although I love him as a person and he's there for me all the time, I still wanna have fun and continue to date. I know if I tell him that he will be heart broken although he will understand and his parents probaly wouldn't see me the same. I sacrificed alot for him and my baby. I also always tell my parents that were gonna stay together and there always saying "hopefully y'all do but it's hard when your young" in a way Im staying with him just to prove to my parents that we can last. Am I wrong for feeling this way ? Should I just forget about my youth and focus on my baby ? What should I do? Advice please. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (13 June 2011):
 Look - you chose to have this baby, therefore you have already waved goodbye to your youth. If you wanted to have fun and date, you should have not gotten pregnant and had a child. Simple as that.
You are a parent now, you are no longer young and care-free, the opportunity for fun has gone and you have to put your child first. What is the best thing for your child? To have both parents around, in a relationship who are happy and in love.
You love your boyfriend and have a child with him, therefore there is NO way on earth you can date someone else. You would be throwing away your child's happiness and stablity all for the sake of having a few teenage flings and a bit of fun. Your child needs mummy and daddy, he needs to have mum and dad in a relationship rather than a mum and dad who have split up all because mum wants a bit of fun.
Breaking up with someone because you want some fun is a very bad excuse for breaking up, and you will only regret it if you do. Imagine when your child gets older and he/she asks you "mummy, why are you and daddy not together anymore?" and the answer is because "mummy wanted to have some fun and date other people" - that would not feel good to say that!
Now you are a mum you have to accept that for the next few years, your life is over and there is no fun to be had for yourself. Until the child goes to school, you have no time for yourself and no time for having fun. Being a teen mom isnt easy, but your chose to have this child therefore you now must live with the consequences. And that means no fun and no dating other people. Plus you would really struggle to find any boy who would want to date you now you have a child - no young guy wants to be landed with some other guy's baby.
You have a boyfriend who loves you and you love him - therefore for the sake of your child you must work on the relationship and stay together, through good times and bad, because that is what is best for the child. You need to be a team, having mum and dad together is far better than having mum and dad broken up, so stick with it and put all your energy into looking after the child and making your relationship work.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): You should take turns like 3 days the baby will be with you and the other 3 with him.
Take turns. You're not the only one responsible for the baby. Its obvious you must be feeling "locked down" because you have a big responsibility on your shoulders. Raising a baby isnt easy.
So make sure you both take turns.
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