A
female
age
36-40,
*3cthcnurse
writes:So I am lost and confused. I am 23 years old. I have been in a relationship with my current bf for almost 9 years now. I have never questioned our relationship before, but recently I couldn't help but wonder what else is out there, is there something better, is he really the one for me? I have recently been depressed and just distant. I have talked to him last week about how I was feeling and I even told him that I wasn't sure if I was really in love with him anymore or if I just loved him out of habit because I have loved him for so long and he is everything to me. When I talked to him he was distraught. He cried more than I've ever seen him cry in our entire relationship. He told me that this was something he would have never seen coming, that he always knew that we would get married, have a family, and grow old together. Seeing him upset only made me more upset almost to the point that I regret feeling this way. Almost, even seeing how much he deeply cared for me wasn't enough to change these feelings. He does everything I ask, changes things I don't like, tells me everything, comes to me for advice. He is the perfect man, which most people believe don't exist. I know he would never cheat or hurt me, and I have no reasons not to trust him. I don't know what makes me feel like this and I just don't know how to make it go away. And deep down inside I don't want it to just go away, deep down I want to explore these feelings. I just don't know what to do. I overheard some girls at work talking and one of them said something that explains my feelings,"what is love exactly? Love is just an emotion. It's just a phase. You love something so much that that love just goes away". I was so young when I got with him and I moved straight out of my parents house into his parents house at only 16. We hadn't even been together for a full year, and even before that we were completely inseperable (either he was at my house, I was at his, we spent every moment that we weren't in class through high school together, and when we weren'tphysically together, we were on the phone until we both fell asleep).I just can't help but think that I only love him because of those facts. I really do not want to lose him because what if I'm wrong and he is my "one". I just don't want to leave this seed alone to grow into a giant tree that will ruin our marriage. I need to take care of this now before I even allow him to propose. It upsets me alot more when he plays the guilt card on me how he put me through college and supported me through everything I have been through and I can't even do that for him. He also reminds me how much he gave up for me like: when we finihed high school he wants to join the marines, but his family said that if he did I could not live with them, so he changed his mind and didn't join. He has even told me that his dad told him to be careful because when I was finished with college, I would be done with him. That upset me when he told me, but it's even worse now because it hasn't even been a year since I graduated (Dec 08) and it looks like I just used him to put me through school.I need all the advice I could possible get. Please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2009): maybe you should live on your own for awhile and see who you are alone. You do not need to date anyone during this tine because it will just defeat the purpose. Do not enter a romantic relationship until you are satisfied with who you are. The love quote however is trash. Quit listening to them. They are sowing seeds of discontent. Love is a choice, and it is hard work. I hope you wake up and realize what you have...i wish you well sweetie.
A
male
reader, ricco +, writes (22 October 2009):
 WSounds like he really loves and cares for u if he did all those things.
U know that he loves u right, I think u should ask him to help u explore the seed of doubt.
That way u both now what is going on and can help eachother.
I think love is being there when ur partner is being insecure to help them.
Love is being there when ur on ur highs and lows. Kisses and looking into ur eyes and knowing ur partner is by ur side to help u.
Its the feeling u get if u wory if he/she is in danger and going to be alright.
Don't doubt ur self to much then u will make the wrong choice.
Talk to more and let him in on ur feelings so he now what's going on.
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