A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:THis is probably a story that so many have told. I am 33 married to a wonderful man for 14 years now we have 4 kids together we love our kids and I do love him. Here is the terrible problem I started an affair about 2 years ago and I'm addicted to the sex with the sex with this man he just does it well if you know what I mean. I need to stop this but I'm having a really hard time. This is affecting me so bad right now that all I want to do is cry I have become so depressed. Help- Addicted to sex
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo actually I have laid things out on the table. I can no longer have this affair and keep doing this as if nothing is wrong as if Its ok. I wont lie to you I was able to do this for 2 years. The passion and excitement completely took over me. The sad thing is it completely clouded the love i have for my kids and my husband. This man is not someone I am in love with. I am not tempted to leave my husband for him. I care about him but thats it. I was friends with him for a while before anything happened. I am not in love with him so it makes leaving the situation easier. I am trying to focus on what would happen if my husband found out. This man would not leave his family to be with me. So why do I want to keep chancing that this will be exposed.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): It seems to me that you've decided to ignore him instead of telling him it's over?
I don't think it's gonna be too long before you get lured in by him again.
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female
reader, jane12 +, writes (11 November 2008):
I could never understand why people tell their spouses about affair. There is no need to hurt your spouse, if you think you made a mistake.Too bad it worries you so much, sounds like you are having a great time with your lover.
You can love more than 1 man in your life
You are not sleeping around. You only had 2 men. Not many women these days can say it about themselves.
Ideal situation would be for you to keep having your fun and stay with your husband that you love, but not to kill yourself over your affair. It's realy not worth it to suffer over something that you enjoy so much.
I read about what if's here. Let's live in a present,what if husband finds out. If he didn't find out for 2 years, it means you'are doing something right to hide it.
I think it's not that much exitment and pleasures we have in this life. You are very lucky that you experience this sexual happiness for such a long time as 2 years. Also it's not an addiction if you are doing it with the same partner. Addictin is when you want more and different people involved constantly.
Don't tell you husband. Don't ruin your family, you guys have 4 beatifull children together, they deserve to have mommy and daddy around forever.
It's just an affair, enjoy yourself. It's all about you, consider yourself the luckiest person on earth. Many people go through life having boring sex only because they must.
Best of luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2008): Wow, this site Definately 'wakes' a woman up. It's just not worth trading in a solid loving husband for a scum bag guy. Who's the Better/Real Man? Sex can Always be improved. Tell him what makes you feel good! or buy 2 books, one for you(how to please your husband in bed)and him to please you/wife (it would be awkward to only give Him a book) Tell him you want to turn him on like never before...and with 4 kids, are you taking time for just the 2 of you? Don't neglect your time out together. Friday nights at a romantic restaurants are fun. Doll yourself up. Sharing time alone reinforces that he/you are the most important person in your/his life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I want to thank everyone for all the advice and encouragement. Today was a good day I had no real contact with this man. I work in the same office as him so its hard. I know I'm not perfect but the love I have from my family and the love I have for them will help me. I miss him though already. Does that make me a bad person?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): I have read you post, and it makes me think about the other side of what you are doing after reading it from your hubby's point, I have just read the post by James45 on Oct 28th "My life of devastation caused by an affair" I have read this toady and it heart wrenching, it may make you sit down and think about how your husband may feel if this all comes out, I have been in the same position and agree with crazykitty666 that the grass isn't always greener on the other side, I too lost my husband after an affair, then relised he was I my soul mate and there was alot more to life than a thrill, I then had a brief affair back with my husband to find out it was the best sex ever but to my loss he had moved on in his life and is now in safe relationship he desired with me.I now view the loss of my marraige as the greatest loss in my life and wish I make it all as it was before I had this affair.Had I known of this site before I had an affair I would probably never went there and would not have had to endure everything I put myself husband and family through, how can we be so selfish at times, please take time to read through other peaples experiances and that of there companions before you make any decions I am sure it will make you think long and hard about your future.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008): I'm not judging you at all - you simply feel dissatisfied with the marriage and wanted some excitement BUT you feel connected with your husband. The answer is decide what you want? Great sex or a dull marriage or why not combine the two together and make your marriage spicier in bed? To do this needs commitment, communication, compassion and also a decision to end the affair(s) and not look elsewhere. best
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow I did not imagine that I would come on here and be called a wench and anything else. All in all thanks evryone for you're advice. I asked for it and I got it. I made a huge mistake to my husband and to my kids who have nothing to do with the situation.I believe after seeing some of these post that I married really young and after 14 years with the same man got really bored with my life I had only EVER been with my husband sexually there was never another man before the affairs Not an excuse but it's the truth.He took my virginty and it was always himm So I came on here to see if anyone ever went through anything similiar. As for loving my husband I love him the affairs were wrong but I love him.
Thanks everyone.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2008): Sex is pretty important in a relationship as to many people it's an expression of love.
How can you look the man you love in the eye while thinking another man could give you more? Would your husband like this? What if it was the other way round? Would you like it if your husband thought another woman could give him more?
Lets say you tell him, he'll probably leave you but you'd have to accept whatever happens. However if things do work out between you and your husband and you try and work through the sex, you'd always be trying to make your husband into the lover - and your husband would forever be tearing himself apart because he can't do what your lover could, and he'd always be in torture whenever he tries to make love with you because he'd always be compared to even in his own mind and he'd know you'd be doing the same.
Lets say you keep quiet and you continue the sex with your lover because you say you are addicted to it, then you would be keeping your husband in a marriage where he could have time to find someone else who he could love and be faithful to him.
Another option would be to stop all relations and cut all ties with your lover. Don't tell your husband but make it up to him in the best way possible by devoting extra attention and care to him. I would usually recommend this but the problem is you say you're addicted, so there's a chance you do stop but you can't help but revert back to your old ways after a while, thus having wasted further time by keeping your husband from finding someone else even longer - thus, I don't recommend this for you.
The fate of your marriage though IMO doesn't look too good whether you choose any of the above options. The best in your situation seems to be to tell him and accept whatever he decides.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2008): Yeah I am sure you are right but the fact that I have decided to end this should mean something. I am just very sorry right now for alot. My judgement was so clouded for so long.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2008): Don't kid yourself.
If you loved your partner you would never have strayed.
If you cheated just once... it wouldn't be nearly as bad. It would mean you had an incredibly weak moment and could work out easier what made you so weak at that moment.
But you have been playing around for two whole years. In Roman times the man would have every right to slaughter you on the spot for this.
You need to come clean. Comnpletely.
You have completely destroyed any chance of happiness with your partner. Because he WILL find out some day. And the longer you wait, the worse the fall-out will be.
If you understood what being married and pledging yourself to someone actually meant... cheating would never even have cropped up.
Temptation would. It always does. But you would have realised that any sexual needs could be met by your husband if you just had a little patience and guided you husband and taught him how you liked it.
But you chose the easy way out. Not the right one.
What ever happens, remember that you deserve no sympathy from any of the people you have hurt. They may show you mercy, and if they do accept it no matter what conditions come with it.
So come clean. Your husband deserves better then a cheating wench like you.
Flynn 24
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2008): If sex was the only reason you cheated on him the marriage is a sham.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2008): I have to agree with Mr.Anonymous from 8 November.Lady I strongly believe its our hearts that get really satisfied not the body.If you loved your husband you wouldn't have done this.He deserves to know the truth.It seems like you got bored after 14 years.The poor man would be shattered if you tell him but it would kill him if he finds about it on his own.Do the right thing and tell him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat is good advice but that would totally break up my marriage
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2008): Tell your husband that you've been having better sex with another man. Yes, actually tell him that!I'm sure then you'll see sense then with what effects that causes. You should've been wroking through this all with your husband.And again, tell your husband this and accept what happens after. No man can stay with a woman he loves knowing that he can't satisfy her.
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