A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:In my nine year relationship I messed up. I began talking to another man. There was no sex involved but just alot of talking and we worked together. We never hung out we went to a dinner break at work once. My boyfriend found out and I told him I would stop talking to him, and I did for a little but then we started talking again and my boyfriend found out again. So I changed my number and had a new job. The other guy found out my number and work place. I changed my number again and now haven't spoken or seen him in little over two years. The whole thing lasted maybe a year. Now for the past two years me and my boyfriend constantly fight about it. He has had me move out twice then I come back and we are good. Every little fight we have leads back to what happened. This time he had asked me to leave again. Its been about a month. I still see him every day or every other day because my dogs live with him still. We text or talk. One day he is good the next day not so much. About a week ago I found out he was talking to another girl, he says there is no sex and for some reason I beleive him. The whole other girl thing is totally out of his character. I'm just scared because he has never acted like this. I love him so much and I have apologized millions of times. We went to see someone but she said that I don't deserve another chance. I didn't physically cheat on him, I feel horrible and I have spent every day of the past two years being punished for phone conversations. Don't get me wrong I know I messed up, but to lose nine years of history. I know he still has love for me and I know if we can get through this then we are good forever. He is so hard headed and is acting so immature, I don't know what to do.
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (28 June 2008):
 "He [...] is acting so immature"
Pot calling kettle black?
You emotionally cheated on him, lied about, cheated again and HE is the immature one?
Trust once broken isn't easily repaired especially if that trust is broken ONCE again.
How is he to know you aren't having an emtional affair again with the same guy? Because you say so? You said so before and you LIED. Ah, but this TIME it is the truth. Your swear it, just as you did before.
Should you apologize a million more times? Not really, if you want him back (and there still is a chance because he hasn't completely severed all ties) you got to earn him back, not by being a doormat but by showing you can be trusted finally.
Don't forget, you are not asking for a 2nd chance, you are asking for a 3rd chance.
Perhaps it is just time to call it a day. Tell him that you know you screwed up, that you are sorry, that you know you promised before to not do it again but that things just can't go on like this.
Either he is willing to give you two a chance to start afresh or it just has to end no matter the feelings that might still remain because love isn't worth feeling miserable over for the rest of you life.
Because while I come down pretty hard on you, having constant fights over it doesn't work either, just because you screwed up, twice, doesn't mean you have to accept being miserable in this relationship and that he can just keep punishing you for it. Part after all of accepting an apologie is getting past it.
If he can't do that, to bad. Move on and next time, don't be so bloody stupid again. TWICE.
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