A
female
age
30-35,
*abby95
writes:How do I trust my boyfriend again after he lied and promised he didn't watch porn, but I found out he does by snooping? What should hurt more the fact he broke a promise and lied or the fact he did not come straight out to tell me he watched it? I love him, but don't want to lose him.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 May 2012):
 The problem here isn't porn. The problem is that he lied. If he lied to you about his porn use, he is lying to you about OTHER things as well! Such as his habits, like drinking habits, maybe he is a gamer as well and hides that too. A boyfriend I once had used to lie about meaningless small and stupid things that he hadn't needed to lie about. But he lied anyway. The problem with his lies was that he would lie about his money as well. And then borrow from me. Or I'd depend on him to do something, he said he did it, or would, but never did. So then it came back on me, and put me in a bad position. He would also lie about people he met, or things they said. He lied about having friends, he didn't have friends. He also made up things when arguing with me, just to put me down.
So this LITTLE lie of his about porn is only ONE clue that tells you he is a liar. And liars don't lie just about ONE thing, they lie about A LOT.
A
male
reader, bouyga  +, writes (29 May 2012):
dont worry, you are right he should have shared but he is probably embarrassed about it more than anything. I would say just take it easy.
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A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (29 May 2012):
 I simply can't understand why women are so insecure when it comes to guys watching porn. I think it's very unnatractive and controling to make your boyfriend give up porn usage. My ex girlfriend LOVED watching porn with me. She would even warm up the laptop while I took a shower. I never get jealous when she's cooing over some horse-sized guy. Infact, I get turned on when I see her getting hot while watching a flick.
She never hen-pecked me for watching porn either. If she was in the mood, she would just join in, vise versa. I also never get jealous when she's using a toy because I know that I can jump in at anytime and take over. Women and men need to let go of their silly little insecurities about their partner being sexual with SOMETHING ELSE besides them.
Would you rather they go out and find the REAL thing? No. So let him enjoy his fantasies in the safest way possible. Porn usage.
Also to your question about why a guy would need porn even if he has a woman. Unfortunately, we as humans, tend to require variety to keep the experience exciting. If he had sex with you all the time then trust me, it will get boring before the first year is up. It's like holding on to someone's arm for a long period of time. It's warm and comfortable for the first day, familiar and explored the second, boring and expected on the third.
Give him his space so that he can learn to miss your body again. If he's always seeing it then before you realize, he'll be yawning while having sex with you. Like they say. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (29 May 2012):
 I have many links about this topic that you may find helpful on my profile page.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2012): What I don't get is why he even lied about it. It's not *that* odd for men or women to watch porn occasionally. As long as it's not an addiction, or influencing what he wants and expects to get in real life (now THAT does happen and IS problem).
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A
female
reader, gabby95 +, writes (28 May 2012):
gabby95 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI believe they should get rid of porn sites. If a guy has a girl why would he need it?
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (28 May 2012):
 Don't trust him. He's a liar. And he's addicted to a habit that will destroy your relationship with him.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (28 May 2012):
I don't see how this is about you losing him. You wont lose him unless you choose to leave him. The better question is: why do you choose to stay with a man who lies to you, right to your face? I've been in a relationship with a liar, and trust me, it is no fun. It doesn't get better, the lying tends to spiral out of control, and it is rarely about just one aspect. He lies about his porn use.. well, I am willing to bet he is lying about a lot of other things too.
The question isn't HOW you should trust him again, the question is SHOULD you really trust him? You can't trust him. He is a liar. Liars tend to lie, hence they can't be trusted.
But sit down and talk to him first and see what results that will produce. Tell him you discovered his lie and hear what he's got to say for himself. If he reacts by blaming you and getting angry he is not worth keeping, he'll just break your heart over and over.
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A
female
reader, Candycane1234 +, writes (28 May 2012):
 God how many people have this problem damn you porn industry!
How did you get onto the subject in the first place for him to say he doesn't watch it?
God I wouldn't dare snoop I'd be in floods of tears by the end especially if they didn't look like me.
He knew you'd go mad, I'd be more concerned as to why they need it.
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