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female
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anonymous
writes: I made a big mistake of having sex with my mums ex boyfriend who is 35. I am only 16 and accepted the fact that i am pregnant with his child. But it is to late to get an abortion. What can i do? My mum will be devastated if she finds out.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (28 May 2006):
 You're not at fault here. Your mum's bf should firstly have NOT had sex with you, and secondly -- having decided to break every rule in the book -- should have been smart enough to use a condom.
You're the victim of a predator, and unless you tell your mum about what happened, he's going to get off scot-free. Besides, how long do you think you can hide being pregnant?
First things first then. Tell your mum what happened.
For example: "Mum, I don't know how to say this gently, but I'm pregnant, and Tim's the dad. I'm really sorry, but I need help. I don't know what to do."
She'll freak, naturally. But then, as a responsible adult, she'll deal with it. Don't worry.
Next, you need to go to a gyno straightaway and find out how far along you are. If it's really too late for an abortion, I urge you to consider adopting out the child to someone who's in a position to care for it, because at 16, you shouldn't have to cancel all your life plans, to be a mum.
Don't wait. Tell your mum first, then get to a doctor as soon as you can.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2006): go and see a doctor to ask whether its too late to have an abortion without telling your mum.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2006): How can you expect us to tell you if its too late for an abortion when you dont say how far along in the pregnany you are?
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A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (27 May 2006):
 Hey there
Well firstly babe i have to say it was wrong of you to sleep with him but he is alot at fault here he's ment to be the older wiser role model here plus he's ment to be in love with your mother what is he thinking correction what were you both thinking did u not think about your mothers feelings here at all? but now thats done and dusted sweetie i have alot of sympathy for you here your pregnant and thats alot to take on board when your a women never mind at the tender age of 16 so personally i would advise you to go to the family doctor they will give you valuable advise depending on what you want to do concerning the baby and then once you have done that i would sit down with your mom and have a good heart to heart tell her everything because as the other agony aunts have explained there is noone quite like your mom she is the only one who can give you the guidence anbd moral support that you really need ok sweetie, i know it will be hard but when alls said and done i'm sure she will support you... let me now how things work out for you ok
i hope this has helped you alittle at least....
You Take Care X
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A
female
reader, pri817  +, writes (27 May 2006):
 1st of all yes you were wrong to sleep with your mom's boyfriend...but the blame here is for this 35 year old man who has absolutely no business having sex with a naive and impressionable 16 yr old...Honey whats done is done...your pregnant and too young to handle this on your own..My advice is to speak to your mother..as hard as that seems...you need the love and support that only she can provide....
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A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (27 May 2006):
 This is probably something that could be hard to keep from your mum, especially if you need someone to comfort and turn to however this pans out. Needless to say you dont mention how far gone in the pregnancy that you are, so Im not sure if are you able to carry that out. I take it you have thought long and hard about this and this is the only option you feel is left open to you. May I suggest you visit your doctor, who can not only advise on when is suitable termination date, can also put you in the right direction of somebody to talk to, one to one and to indeed help arrange some kind of counselling. If you are going to have an abortion you will need some support, so that support will need to come from somewhere. Whilst it was wrong to have sex with this man, and yes it will upset your mum, but you are still her little girl, so maybe perhaps you should try and confide in her and tell her what has happend, she may be the one person that can help you, yes of course she will be upset, but hopefully she will realise that it takes two to have sex and its not all down to you, although you could have made a wiser choice! At least if your mum knew what was going on she would be able to be there for you, she will of course be hurt and cross at you, but she is your mum, and you could really use her support right now, however you have behaved, your mums your mum.
Good luck x
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