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female
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anonymous
writes:About a year ago I cheated on my husband with his brother. A lot of what happened between us was emotional rather than physical, although we did sleep together on 2 occasions.I think I did it because I wanted the excitement and as a reflex reaction to being married and suddenly feeling that my freedom had gone, although I still cannot be sure of the reasons myself. The whole thing seems totally crazy now, and I can't believe that I was so stupid. (Although I have to say that my relationship with my husband is now more amazing than ever.)The problem really is whether or not to tell my husband. Whether I tell him or not, I am 95% sure he would stay with me although clearly if I did tell him he would be devastated and his relationship with his brother would be ruined, although they are not particularly close. Is it better to be honest in this situation, or is it better not to tell him and save his feelings and his relationship with his brother (although it may seem rather cowardly on my part)?
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male
reader, CoolAndCoolest  +, writes (10 September 2009):
hey,you had a nice time. in social norms those will be blamed. but still it is up to your wish.it is a double edged question that whether to tell your hus or not. 1. if he knows he may feel very bad.2. if he knows fro some body else, it will even be worse. cos the feeling will be that she stays with me and acts as faithful and actually were not. and the feeling of your cheating.My suggestions: it is you who know about these people - your husband and his if brother- so if you feel your brother in law is capable/mature/good enough holding it a secret don't tell to your husband.if you fear that your brother in law my tell to some body or to your husband about it, then take this decision ----you are a woman and what ever the case you will b able to conquer your husbands heart. find an appropriate time, slowly discuss things like these like a fun.. as if it has happened to some body else.. etc etc. then slowly understand what he feels about this kind of things.and use your womanly charm and care to present to him - iff he can afford it. iff you feel it is 100% and not 95% safe.otherwise : keep it a secret. it may come out or may not. be happy in the present. if one day he knows it we will see it then. be courageous. every thing is goin to be well.if for some reason he comes to know about it from some where else tell him that the mistakes occurred and now we have to look forward. LOVE LOVE LOVE .... everything will be all right.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2007): Do you want to continue living a lie for the rest of your life? You took vows when you married your husband. If you are 95% sure he would stay with you even knowing that you've been unfaithful with, of all people, his brother, then you need to tell him. I don't know about you but I could not hold this in if I were in your shoes, although I can say I would never have allowed myself to get carried away like that with my brother-in-law! What were the two of you thinking? That no one would find out? Eventually, even if you keep quiet and so does he, something will happen. Karma is a bitch and, quite frankly, you and he deserve to face the music, along with dealing with the aftermath of your lies and deception. Think of it this way - are you 95% sure your husband will stay with you if you don't tell him and he finds out from someone other than you? Isn't marriage supposed to be based on honesty and trust? If you ask me, it is better to come clean now. If your husband and his brother are not particularly close (which strikes me as odd because why would you have a better relationship with his brother than he does?), then what relationship is there to be ruined? Why would you be loyal to your brother-in-law over your own husband? I think you know the answer. Because you will have to go through hell to mend your relationship with your husband. All I can say is if your husband choses to stay with you (do you have children?), then he is a man that must love you with all his heart, and there are not many who can forgive. If it were the other way around and your husband had an affair with your sister, could you forgive him?The choice is yours, but I've always lived my life with the mantra "honesty is the best policy" regardless of the mistakes - and there are mistakes we all make - throughout life. Better to come clean and deal with the decision you made. It may not feel better at first, but the truth will set you free.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2007): wot a shame! well to me under no circumstance should you tell your husband. its something you did twice or more so it wasnt a mistake per se, just keep up the evil and die with it while hoping the brother does not spill the beans...telling him is not an option as this will grow beyond what pains you feel about it to what pains which he will feel and the whole of the family too. the consequences will be a lot graver than the one you bear alone now. be wise, keep the secret secret. the fact you are guilty is enough pain and punishment for you, you dont need to punish him further
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female
reader, superfly  +, writes (9 April 2007):
Never mind these judgemental people. Don't tell your husband. Forget about the ordeal. Why you need to tell him?
He will never see you and his brother the same despite his willingness to stay with you.
Be smart!!!! Keep it secret!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2007): This is absolutely disgusting..You are a woman, a person who has obviously lived through many different situations in your life given that you are old enough to be married. Be a MATURE ADULT! Own up and admit your mistake, your marriage is an absolute lie right now and it will stay that way until you come clean. Anyone on here who thinks that she should not say anything, WOW..real good advise from some adults
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007): Dear, it's tough to help help you make this decision. But I will try. We don't know what kind of man your husband is. If you tell him will he be able to cope being around his family without the backlash of what occurred. Just clearly, think through what you expect to be the likely consequences will be, of making the choice to tell him or not. If you tell him there probably will be pain, massive amounts of it. I am concerned about the family upheaval that could occur deep within the bond and closeness of the "whole extended family'. Everyone''s lives will be deeply affected. Two brothers will hate each other, cousins, aunts, uncles children, everyone will feel the aftermath. As you said, your husband likely will stay but will he be happy with you again and will he ever forgive what has happened. He may think your affair with his brother is unforgivable. And logically, it will be unrealistic to expect your husband to restore his full trust in you again or his brother. If you stay together, the trust building will be a long term process.
But then I am inclined to feel, that he definitely needs to know that you had an affair with 'someone'. And the quicker, the better. There will be pain and heartache. The best way for you and him to stumble through this wreckage is to get marriage counseling and quickly, soon after. You need marriage counseling for yourself, individually as well, to help you come to face to face with the personal deficits in yourself, that enabled your affair with his brother. It crucial that you retain a strong focus on your own issues as well as a clearer understanding of this affair. Marriage counseling will also help your husband. Because a huge issue will be your husband's feelings of anger, betrayal. embarrassment and shame. Don't underestimate this. Part of him may be wondering why his married life turned out to involve such an unanticipated act of being unloved by you Out of all the players in this scenario, my heart goes out to your husband, he did not deserve this and I think you know that, now. He needs to know what you did, so he can, grieve, heal and recover and make the decision to go forward with or without you. And you need to renew your life and find your own worthiness by doing the right thing by this man. Just my opinion, hun..not sure if that's what you want to hear.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007): what were u thinking???? u need to be honest with ur husband. just imagine the situation in reverse: if he had slept with ur sister/close friend after u made your vows? wouldn't u want to know? if he truly loves you then he will forgive & forget but just remember u did an awful thing so dont be surprised if things dont go your way
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female
reader, Midge +, writes (29 March 2007):
 I have to confess I differ from everyone else, although it is just my opinion.
If you think that your marriage is strong enough, I would probably tell him. Simply because, as they have all stated, what if his brother decides to open his mouth. Its better coming from you than his brother.
Also, if his brother and him dont have such a good relationship, the chances of his brother being vandictive if they have an argument, is relatively high!
I do feel strongly about being honest with your partner, even if it hurts now, if he is told by someone else, his trust in you would be shattered. Best be honest and tell him the truth and at least he'll know that because you've told him yourself, your trust will not be completely destroyed.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (29 March 2007):
 What a mess. Best to keep your trap shut and hope for the best, and yes learn from your grevious mistake.
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female
reader, Reebe +, writes (29 March 2007):
 Hi
My oh my, you couldn't of done a better job of being unfaithful.
You not only could ruin your marriage but also the relationship between your husband and his brother.
Still judgement aside, I don't think I would tell your husband if you can guarantee to yourself you would never do anything like this again.
You also need to talk to the brother and tell him that he must also never tell your husband.
I think you will be living in fear and guilt your whole life wondering if your brother in law is going to tell your husband, if he ever does, then I think your husband will be more deverstated by the fact you never told him. It's a difficult decision to make, Make sure you chose the right one!
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male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (29 March 2007):
 Wow! What the hell were you thinking? I think you need to take this info to your grave. There's no need to ruin their relationship. Just hope his brother doesn't get pissed at him one day and decides to bring you into the discussion. Oh, what a tangled web we weave . . . .
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007): Seeing as your husband and his brother don't get on are you sure that your husband's brother was glad that you decided to sleep with him during a rough patch with his brother? Anyway, if you feel that his brother is going to tell your husband about you two sleeping together or your husband's brother starts blackmailing you to keep it a secret then tell your husband. He's probably going to be upset and angry at first but after you explain that you did it when you felt the excitement had gone from your marriage he might possibly forgive you. If he doesn't then just move on from him. But if you feel as if there's no chance that this short affair is going to come out then you could just not tell your husband and save him from all the emotions that he would go through.
P.S. In my opinion i would let it all out as the secret would feel like a weight on my shoulders and by saying it would be like the weight has been taken off but in the end it's your choice whether you tell him or not.
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