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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I slept with my ex bf..bt i still haven't told my finance that I did. He is open minded but we come from traditional backgrounds and I don't think he will accept that..what should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): I may be wrong, but I get the impression that you slept with your ex when you were dating your ex and not after you met your fiance. Reading the answers, it appears that the aunts are assuming that you slept with your ex after you started dating your fiance. I don't know which of us is correct, as you are not totally clear with it.
I think it makes a difference, but perhaps not much of one. If it was after you starting dating your fiance then I think you owe it to him to admit it and apologize as best you can and hope that he can forgive you. If it was when you were dating your ex then it is a harder decision. If it is really important to him then I think you should tell him. However, you don't owe him any apology in that situation. You might want to tell him that you wish you had not done that, but no need to apologize to him. However, you might want to say that you are sorry that it bothers him, if that is the case.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): Open minded??? ....like "oh you slept with someone else thats cool". This isn't about open minded. Should you tell him? Yes that would be fair.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): From experience, it's about respect. If you tell them they do believe that you have the guts and respect for them to know. At least they can get checked out, etc. and they know you cared about their health and everything. Do what your heart tells you, don't hold onto lies.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): If this is probably gonna be a big issue to him then he needs to know. It's his life too. If he chooses not to deal with it and breaks up with you over it, then it's unfortunate for both of you but that is his right. He does not owe you a relationship if he doesn't wish it. You don't have to agree with his choices, but you have to respect his right to choose them. If you continually mislead him after you understand that it would be an issue for him, then you are emotionally manipulating him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): Sorry to disagree with everyone else, but personally i wouldnt tell. I would make sure that it never happened again and my punish would be to have it on my mind for the rest of my life, but no way would i tell. And i would probably deny it all if it came out in the open. But that is me. Burn me at the stake now.
take care
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): It sounds like you have some maturing to do before you get engaged or carry on with the current guy. Having an affair; making certain decisions without including a partner, is dangerous to a relationship. Men being naturally protectors will see this as a breach in the wall that will bring unwanted guest into their homes, which will bring mistrust.
It is apparent you still have feelings for others, and that the bond you have with your current guy is unstable, best to tell him and break it off with him. You’d be doing both of you a favor by ending it now.
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female
reader, Gemini1506  +, writes (11 March 2008):
Yes tell him
You cant go into a marriage if you cant tell your partner this it is not fair on him
and deep down i bet you know that
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A
female
reader, Serinity  +, writes (11 March 2008):
 You shouldn't sleep with your ex bf, that's what! But now that the deed is already done, it's only fair that you tell your fiance. Let him make the decision if he wants to marry someone who has already been unfaithful to him. If it destroys your relationship you are the only one to blame. Why is it so hard for people to just resist temptation? Temptation is a demon that lerks in our path nearly every day, and the more we give into them the closer we become to the devil. You need to be honest with him and ask for forgiveness. If he doesn't forgive you then maybe you could learn from it and avoid this kind of situation in the future. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): Simply, tell him. And tell him quickly. You can't be a coward - surely you have a conscience?
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