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female
,
anonymous
writes: I slept with boyfriends best friend and my boyfriends other friend saw us and told him. I denied doing anything and then gave in a bit by bit I told him the truth. I never meant it to happen and I regret it, my boyfriend says I only regret getting caught. How do I explain what I done and why I did it as I know no excuse why.
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (23 May 2006):
 Ah but do you regret what you did? or do you really only regret it because you ahve been caught! Would you have ever confessed and felt regret if you hadn't been rumbled?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2006): Despite Bonym's usual sugar-coated response(s), I beg to differ in terms of judging someone. People judge others once they form any form of opinion of the person. Based on each individuals sense of morality, ethics, principles, and other related unbringing standards, we will all have a say whether an issue is wrong, right, or something in between. Ultimately, the person causing or receiving the issue may choose whether to accept or reject the notions given to him/her.
Coinciding with this particular issue as with the thousands of other issues similar to this one that comes through here every day, I say that what this female did was wrong. It doesn't matter the reason behind her choice in doing it. The FACT of truth is that she did it. The resulting end was that she cheated. The motivation for her to cheat was due to her horniness, amidst other factors we do not exactly know about.
Say her boyfriend is a swinger, I bet she won't even be posting her 'dilemma' here. However, the fact that her boyfriend is an exclusive person, has caused guilt in her. Thus she has posted her 'dilemma' here on DC.org to acquire either approval from strangers, a hand of support, or maybe even some scolding to make her feel as though she does indeed have some sort of forgiveness, because her boyfriend or ex isn't giving her that forgiveness.
It's nice to sugar-coat comments once in awhile for those who actually deserve it, but I for one find issues like this quite shameful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2006): All what i can say to this is poor B/F not only has he lost his trust in you hes now probably lost his best mates trust.Hes better of without the pair of you!!!!!!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2006): believe me, deary.
Do not tell him that you "don't know why you did it". If you said that to me, I'd want to kill you.
Not only have you broken this guys heart and ruined his friendship, you can't even give him a reason why. How completely insulting you are to his feelings. Why not just be honest:
"I wanted to fuck your mate, so I did. I didn't think of your feelings, all I was thinking about was myself."
Do him a favour and leave him to find someone who hasn't done this to him. He'll be better off without you.
Hopefully you can learn from your mistake too.
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A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (23 May 2006):
 My dear if you dont know yourself why you did it, how can we possibly know why you did what you did? My friends, I cant sit here and judge you, all humans are fallable and make mistakes, but you need to try and earn your boyfriends trust again. You say you dont know why you did it, well what was goin on around the time you cheated, what were your circumstances, were you low or depressed, how was the relationship with your fella at the time? There must have been a reason why you did what you did, and only you know the reason. xXx
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (23 May 2006):
 It is not all your fault - although that is probably not an excuse. Your boyfriend's best friend should share equal blame as it sure takes two to tango, and he is hardly his 'best' friend if he does this. Whatever your reasons for sleeping with him, you must not have been having a 100% great relationship with your boyfriend at the time because you wouldn't have been tempted elsewhere. Cheating, in my view, is as much about not being happy in your relationship as having low self control. It is also about self esteem sometimes - you don't feel good enough for your boyfriend so you cheat to prove how unworthy you really are, thus setting up barriers against him getting close to you. It is also sometimes about power, jealousy, attention seeking or anger - you want to hurt your boyfriend for some reason so go all out to cause a maximum bundle of pain by messing with his best mate (who he may spend time with - time you may feel that he should be spending on you instead).
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2006): There is no excuse. That's shameful, and it sounds like while you're not much of a girlfriend his 'mate' ain't uch of a friend either. You clearly only do regret getting caught as you are asking us for excuses as to why you slept with a guy as opposed to begging your boyfriends forgiveness. Let him find happiness with someone who truly cares about him.
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female
reader, Dearpaula +, writes (23 May 2006):
 Hi thereYou are in a bit of a mess. How are you going to get your boyfriend to forgive you? If the opportunity to sleep with your bf's friend again happened, would you do it again? Try and take some time as to what is missing in your relationship. Maybe its nothing, maybe things are great, or were great. Do you think that you enjoyed the attention and it was more flattery rather than anything deeper? If you want your bf to forgive you, then be honest and try to build on the trust again. If not then move on, you cant continue to punish yourself. we all make mistakes and sadly sometimes this involves hurting people. If you truly love your bf and are not 100% sure that you will be faithful in the future, then let him go. Try not to worry, things have a way of working out. You obviously feel regret but your bf has to truly believe that you do.
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