A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hello everyone... i kinda need some help about my parents... so here goes... last year i stayed out for my first year at university... i was based in uni halls and loved it so much... i did what i wanted came home when i wanted to and everything was great... recently ive moved back home for 2nd year and am commuting from home to uni as living out is working out far to expensive this year... the problem lies as im finding it really hard to adjust back into home life... I now have a boyfriend and I cant really be with him as much as i want to purly as i come from a fairly strict indian family and we not really allowed boyfriends and that...I mean I am allowed to go out touch wood but its just im finding myself lieing to them just to do so and everytime i do go out i get like 20 calls saying what time u cumin home where are you etc.... i feel really stressed out coz i wanna do my own thing but cnt coz i ave to justifie evvvveeerryythinnngg i do... partly the reason is coz ive alway been the most cotton wool wrapped child and their baby which i understnd but i just wnna be myself rather then lieing that im going here or there when really im with my boyfriend...Any advice though I reallly can't tell them that i have a boyfriend as they will be really disapointed and you dont wnna do that... i am the most favourite out of my sisters and dont wanna upset them yet on the other hand i wanna do things that i wanna do without justifing everything.... helppp
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male
reader, Passthrough  +, writes (19 October 2008):
 If you want to be seperate from your parents, you have to have your own home :-P As long as you're living under their roof, you're living by their rules, really.
Maybe you can get an apartment with a few friends? Doesnt work out to be expensive, and maybe your parents will chip in some, if you tell them you cant get anything done having to commute and live by their schedule, maybe say something like school has a different vibe, kids my age only have studygroups when all classes are over, cant study when being called every 10 minutes, etc etc.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (19 October 2008):
I'm sorry you aren't going to like this answer, but unfortunately parents spend a good 20 years checking up on you and looking after you and they don't change easily.
I'm 25 and married and when I go home to visit and go out for a night my dad still wants to know who I'm meeting and when I think I'll be due back.
When my husband came home from Invading Iraq he want out with his mates and his mum get all worried and told him to be careful because Liverpool can be rough and dangerous on a Saturday night... He'd been in central Basra 48 hours before that.
You just have to make them see they are being silly by smiling sweetly and saying "Yes daddy, and I won't take any sweets from strangers and I'll look both ways when I cross the road...." But do tell them you are meeting people in a safe place and you'll be back before they wake up etc just to reassure them that you know what you are doing and you want them not to worry.
It does get easier eventually. As for your boyfriend, I am sure they raised you well enough to have a little faith in your choice of man.
Worst comes to it... move back into halls or somewhere.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2008): Well, we are noit living in the dark ages here.At your age, lawfully, they CANNOT tell you what to do. You can have a boyfriend, groin buddy, lesbian lover, anything you damn well please.And they can't do anything to stop you without breaking your rights as an adult.If your parents are as strict as you say, then they are gonna be annoyed at the very least no matter what you do.While you live under their roof however, you do have to abide by their rules. So my advice is to leave and go back to University.You said yourself that it's more expensive having to commute and that you were happier when you were put up in University lodgings.It's YOUR happiness that you ust think fo now. Not theirs. They will simply have to get used to fact that their favourite girl is not a robot programmed to do only what they say and that you are a full grown woman now and capablke of making your own decision.If they care for you at all they will find a way to let go of thier old and outdated tradition and belief structure in this kind of situation.Flynn 25
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