A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi me again sorry to be so annoying,i wrote about my partner of a year and a half and how his family hates me and abuses me. Now he doesn't want to sort out any situation with me.My last question had the heading "can someone help". Well, I know I seem like I am going on, but maybe because I feel so lost about it all and very confused. I find him very confusing his behaviour,like I said in my last question, his family has threatened me and his ex and her partner to a very severe degree and it was on-going for a while.When we argue in front of the children, well not as in such, I mean in a different room, I tried to keep my voice down so they wouldn't hear it. But when his children are there if an arguement does occur he makes himself loud and tells his children "come on, I am taking you home" and he does.We was out one night and a male was very threatening and he did or said nothing. I do all around the house, from the pyshical to all the emotional problems,the bill sorting everything. I ask him to help and he only does when I ask. But not with any emotional stuff though.Maybe I'm wrong, but he is a 43 year old man and I feel I shouldn't have to ask him to take his role as a partner all the time. I am there for him emotionally and physically, but if I have emotional problems, he isn't there.When we argue, he does not communicate with me at all. I have cried so many times and he doesn't even approach me to offer comfort, only when he is ready,which is usually a few days later.I find my self now very frustrated and maybe saying things I shouldn't when we're argueing like "you need to grow up, you're not a man to let happen what happens" etc etc.I feel awful to behave like I do back and I don't know why I do. I feel so lost and confused by his behaviour. Please, please some one advise soon. Thank you.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, drastic knowledge  +, writes (4 October 2007):
 i think you need to sit down and make him listen and dont try and fight and if he starts one walk away when hes calm and ready tell him how unhappy you are and how you dont think you can take it any more
that you would like to work thru things if he is willing to too that you cant keep the relationship going alone and if he wants to call it quits than let him go it was coming to that anyways if he does care than he will be willing to do anything to change and never look back at that again
so do whats best for you
you deserve to be happy and cared for emotionally also not just him
to me he seems as a selfish thoughtless jerk but i am not going to call names
i do wish you the best and maybe i helped
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 October 2007):
 Why are you staying in this relationship? It sure sounds like it is making you more miserable than happy. He obviously doesn't care about your feelings. You shouldn't have to tell him his responsibilities all the time. I think you should distance yourself until you can sort this all out. It just may be time to move on.
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A
male
reader, GingerPrinz +, writes (3 October 2007):
It's not advice you'll probably like to hear, but you're obviously getting no support from your partner and when you add the level of threat his family seem to present, I can only advise having a long hard look and seeing whether you mightn't be better off without him. If you're worried about his family then get the law involved, that's what they're there for. Fear is a state of mind and it's one that can become very comforting because there's always a justification for not acting on something. At some point you have to put yourself before your fear.
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