A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am 41 years old married 15 years with 3 kids under 12. I met someone 9 months ago and have been having an affair since. I told her I was married when we met. I told my wife that I was in love with someone else and i did not love her. I filed for divorce but can't follow through. I know that this other person will never love me the way my wife does. I want to be happy but don't deserve to be . I moved back home but cannot stop thinking of the other woman. The kids can even see the misery. What should I do? suggestions:
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010): You went back to your wife so honour that and make a proper commitment - which involves counselling, or just making time for one another. This will not heal over night. The thing is at the moment you are not mentally committed to her. Unless you do this you will never know whether it would have worked with your wife. I think deep down you hope it can but without the clean break mentally from this other woman you will never manage it.
A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (14 February 2010):
 You allow your mind to separate love from sex, and the result is surround your total life in 'confusion and contradiction.'
For your realization, I am quoting the quote of great philosopher, Aristotle what he say about love?, just read,"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies'
Where is your point? It is about integrity, and honesty. You can change body [of female] but cannot 'soul'. You cannot change universal law about love and sex. The result is clear, if you cheat, than your own body is not responding your own mind, and reversely body fail to follow mind's desire.
It is still not too late for you. Contact your wife, say that you had entirely wrong vision, that causes mistake in choice and judgment, and wanted to correct it. All will be back, if you decide to correct your vision, and make relevant choice.
ALWAYS REMEMBER; LIFE IS NOT CHANCE, BUT CHOICE.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (14 February 2010):
 How is your wife responding?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010): This other woman might seem like the best thing to you, but think about the reality. What is it going to lead to. You will create so many problems, break up your family, and for what, new problems. What do you get in return, good sex? How long is that going to last.
At this point, you have to ask yourself what kind of man are you. One of honor or one who seeks his own gratification.
YOu have the potential to raise a great family and great people and a great legacy. But only if you are a man of honor. YOu have no clue how much your family will respect you if you act in the right way and give up your personal gratification for the sake of others.
Don't be so self absorbed.
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A
female
reader, charlottes84  +, writes (13 February 2010):
i also idvise you seek counciling and this about your wife and your children, see if there is anyother possible ways to make your relationship any better
hope you make the best desicion x
good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010): Brooklyngirl gave you good advice -- go find a counselor and try to sort out your feelings.
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (13 February 2010):
 Seek counseling to sort out your feelings. It sounds as though it is a constant conflict for you, and you need some guidence.
It is obvious that you want to do what's right.
Good Luck
~BG~
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