A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Before I explain, I will state that I have been diagnosed with depressive anxiety and I do have cognitive behavioral therapy which probably goes a long way to understand my problem. But right now I should be so happy and all I feel is sick and depressed. Last summer I met this guy at a club. He was home from uni for the summer, heading into his 3rd year last September. We were 'seeing' each other in the summer and I really liked him, but with him heading into his last year at uni which was quite a few miles away, he didn't want a relationship at that point. It hurt me and caused me a lot of pain and when he went back to uni, I decided I had to move on and forget him for my own sake, which I did. Over the Christmas holidays he got in touch with me, and asked if I wanted to meet up. I decided there'd be no harm as I was over him anyway. We met up once, got on really well and it was fine. We met up for a second time before he went back to uni in January and something seemed to click and there seemed to be a connection. I could feel all my feelings coming back but I was able to cope this time. He went back to uni and since then, we have spoken every single night online.To try and cut it short, over the past 10 weeks, through all the talking we've done, we have grown closer and closer. We've both developed really strong feelings for each other, missed each other terribly and we both think it feels like love, but we need to spend more time in person to really establish that. But we have basically gone from being 'friends' or perhaps a little more than that, to what feels like such strong love - it's quite incredible how we feel and he says the most amazing things to me.He came home from uni on Monday night for the Easter holidays and straight away he asked if he could see me yesterday (Tuesday) so he came round mine and it was like the most amazing 'reunion' ever and just being with him in person was so special. We got on SO well, we had such a laugh, were cuddling and kissing so much and saying all these sweet things. A fly on the wall would think we were together. And we have previously agreed that when he comes home from uni for good in the summer, providing nothing has changed, we want to be together. We went for lunch on Friday which was the perfect date. We spent the whole date just talking, laughing, getting to know each other and holding hands across the table, kissing etc. It was really lovely. We then went for a quick walk through town. Went into a card shop and I was stood looking at the cards and he came up behind me and put his arms around me, with his hands on my stomach which I really loved. We couldn't stop kissing either and then I waited with him for his bus and we were kissing and cuddling and again, he had his around my stomach, holding me. His bus came and I confirmed he was definitely coming over to mine on Tuesday and he said definitely. The whole date was just perfect, there's no negatives whatsoever and it's really clear how he feels.So it all sounds really good, no problems. And that's the truth - it is all brilliant and I should be so happy. But my head just doesn't work like that :( I look for the negatives in everything and I doubt everything. I'm scared that it's all just going to end tomorrow and he's not going to want to see me again, which I know is so ridiculous and it won't happen, but it's this fear I've got and it won't go. Rather than just feeling on top of the world that I have this amazing guy in my life and we feel like we do for each other, I'm constantly feeling sick that it's all going to go wrong. I always wonder when I will speak to him next and think if I don't speak to him first we won't speak and even though he's coming on Tuesday I think for some reason he won't come even though I know how he feels and how much he really likes me. It's basically all in my head, it's like I just doubt anything good will ever happen, maybe because I've had quite alot of negativity in my life before. I wish I could just accept how we feel about each other and believe that it's real and it's not just going to end but I can't and I'm constantly worrying which upsets me so much.Is there anything I can do to help myself?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (3 April 2011):
 You have a choice: accept that it's over before it begins, or accept and enjoy it as it develops. If you doubt every step of the way in your relationship, you will be your own worst enemy. There's always that chance that it might not work out, but if you project such worries you doom the relationship and stunt it from growing into its fulll potential. you no REASON for you to think it won't, so far everything's been great, he's established he wants to be with you, etc. so try to push your worries from your mind. As you get more comfortable with each other, you will probably gain more trust in him and security in the relationship..it won't always be like pins + needles!
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