A
female
age
36-40,
*ani123
writes:my boyfriend and I have been in a relationship together for more than four years now.He has never done anything to cheat on mebut when i checked his emails, i saw one of his emails saved in drafts saying "I am a single male of 24, what you want me to be"I have no idea to whom he wanted to send that,, but he has not sent that to anyone, and this draft was saved last last yearUnfortunately i saw this two weeks back, from that day onwards i started suspecting him ,so i set him a trapI set up a fake email saying that i am a single girl who is seeking a young guy etc etc And I asked him to meet me.. Through that email one thing i confirmed was he has not slept with any other woman yet.. but i(fake email) asked him whether he would like to meet me and have sex with me.. So he replied to me saying hes interested and came to meet this fake girl very next day..Actually it was a trap , he went back home after waiting for half an hour till this girl came . He realised that it was a trap set for himthis was a test to see whether he really loves me!!So i was really confused and I asked him whether he went to meet any girl yesterday, saying that someone emailed me and told me that he went to meet her. Then he said he doesn't ever bother replying to this kind of emails.but he was extreamly nervous in front of me, almost started tearing!!what should i do? Did he cheat on me? or did he go to meet this girl just for fun to see who that is or did he really go with the idea to sleep with her? what are your assumptions?Is this cheating? I cant stop suspecting my boyfreind nowI am really hurt and upset. i never expected him to be like this and i really cant stop this affair as I have dedicated my whole life almost everything for him..Is there a way that I can stop him cheating on me againPlease help me out!!
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female
reader, tani123 +, writes (11 April 2011):
tani123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes i know .. but i really cant forget him ,, i dnt have the courage to do that
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): sweetie dump his ass .i went through this a few weeks ago , i felt something not right and made up a fake profile and saw him , loking for long term . onces something like this happens, you cant trust him. you will always be unhappy .
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A
female
reader, tani123 +, writes (9 April 2011):
tani123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes i will speak to him about this again
thank you guys
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): The argument against the trap is misguided.You found something, you suspected something, you set up an "investigative" trap, and he failed it.This is not pointless, it is not immature, it is driven by fear, and it is reasonable.As to your question, you can't stop him from cheating on you. Only he can do that.
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A
female
reader, Miss.Me  +, writes (8 April 2011):
 You did what you had to do. You had reason to test his commitment when you saw that unsent draft from a year ago saying he's single when you had already been together for three years. Now, I don't think everyone should go tricking their partners but I believe you're excused. If he really loved you and respected you he wouldn't have responded to that email. Who the hell trusts an anonymous email, especially one asking for sex?! Someone said it before me, but the only reason he got "teary eyed" is because he got caught. He didn't even own up to it and apologize. I don't think this guy is trustworthy. He wants to go have sex with total strangers from a simple email he gets! I would be worried about him sleeping with me after who knows how many girls he's slept with. You can't stop someone from cheating. *They* have to be one who stops him/herself from cheating. You wrote, " i really cant stop this affair as I have dedicated my whole life almost everything for him.." To that I say, stop wasting more time then!! Move on, find someone who is more trustable than this guy. You can try talking to him but if he's not willing to change or acknowledge his behavior then it's useless.
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A
female
reader, tani123 +, writes (8 April 2011):
tani123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionya I know , even though i did a wrong thing it kind of showed me that he is not committed to me
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): I'm a guy, and this argument against "entrapment" is nonsense, pure and utter nonsense. People look at legal ramifications etc etc etc, it's pretty plain and simple, if you love your woman then when another woman suggests wanting to have sex the "love should have brought you home last night" syndrome should immediately kick in, which is, firstly ignore the email, and secondly most importantly, not even thinking about going to meet this woman.So he's been busted plain and simple, he's failed the test, and the only reason he's sorry is that he's been caught. Speaks loudly and plainly to me lady. You can't stop someone from cheating or wanting to have sex with someone else, its lie forcing someone to up their commitment to you when it's not there in the first place. Yes what you did was somewhat underhanded, but at the same time it worked because inside you suspected something was wrong with this person you shared your life with for four years. This broken trust will be hard to rebuild, but you have to sit down and talk about what just happened, tell me you know what he did, and tell him what you did, get everything out in the open about why he was willing to cheat and if this relationship is worth your time and emotional investment to salvage. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, tani123 +, writes (8 April 2011):
tani123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi thank you so much for your answer !! what you said is totally right !! Since i started suspecting him i set a trap for him !! i feel bad now!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): What Jmtmj has written, says everything and perfectly at that. Only thing I can add is maybe you should also think about why he is "searching" or "open" to sex outside the relationship. If the sex at home is good, healthy and strong, men most don't go looking for it in other places.
But with this trap you've set you really have shot the relationship in the foot, Jmtmj has it right.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (8 April 2011):
 Ever heard of something called entrapment?
"In criminal law, entrapment is constituted by a law enforcement agent inducing a person to commit an offense that the person would otherwise have been unlikely to commit."
Now you've basically shot your relationship in the foot here by making a problem where there MAY not have been one from the beginning. You've been with him for four years for god sake, relationships get stressed, they have low points, high points, moments of temptation and weakness. What you've done here is apply strong temptation at a weak time... if you ask me, that proves nothing other than that he's human.
You applied VERY strong temptation to him here... seriously, what girl seeks you out and asks if you'll meet and have sex with her in the way that you did?? If you dangle a carrot in front of a donkey, you can lead it wherever you want it to go... even if it was quite happy where it was already.
There's a reason why crimes that are committed by entrapment are not prosecutable. The fact that he got almost teary when you called him up on it was a good sign if you ask me. That's regret right there and it suggests to me that he knows he made a mistake. Mistakes are how we learn what not to do after all. So while its impossible for anyone here to know whether he's ever cheated on you or not, I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt here...
You can't test love and what you did was a pointless and immature endeavor.
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