A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone hope you can help me.2008 was a particularly hard year for me, I split with my husband with all intents and purpose of the relationship ending. We have got back together and are working on our marriage its going really well now. I have had other personal problems and issues that have made the whole ordeal more diffcult to handle than was necessary. That aside I have also had to deal with the fact that I don't appear to have friends any more. This is the real reason that I am writing for help today. I don't know where to begin but I'll try to keep it as simple as possible.I'm not exactly what you would call popular, but at the same time I'm not an outcast!. I only tend to have close friends and a few people that I would call "mates", you know just "buddies". The problem is that recently I don't appear to have any friends at all. I am genuinely confused to how this has happened. I make an effort to keep in touch with people and they don't do the same to me. Now when I say keep in touch I mean send the odd text call them occasionally, like once or twice a month. I always fone around once or twice a month to the few friends I do have to see if they want to go out for a drink or go shopping but nothing seems to happen. Its getting to the point where I'm feeling seriously upset about it all. Nobody seems to want to do anything with me when I ask them to. I call and they make polite conversation and then awkwardly finish the conversation promptly. I only have two close friends and it seems that they have moved on and I haven't. I consider them to be my best friends but I'm not their best friend. Now I'm not stupid or immature, I'm 28 for gods sake!. I'm married I have son in school, I'm an intelligent woman. I think I'm fairly attractive, I don't have any bad habits or smell bad or anything like that. Aquaintances that I have at work seem to think I'm easy to get on with and appear genuinely amused when I make funny comments or tell jokes. I'm just so confused as to why I have no friends any more, I really don't know what to do about this. I've been doing new things and trying to meet new people for the last year and don't seem to be getting anywhere.Please respond, I just need to get some opinions on this. I'm genuinly seeking some real feedback. There is more to this but I didn't want to bore everyone with all the facts. All opinions welcomed.
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (21 January 2009):
 For more than 20 years, my ex-wife was my best friend. We pretty much did everything together, and we did share many interests but not all. We both enjoyed traveling when we could, weekends at the lake, getting high on smoke occasionally, watching Dallas Cowboy football and the sex was always fantastic and adventurous.
In retrospect, there were some things I enjoyed in which she did not participate or have interest, and perhaps that contributed to the demise of the marriage. Yet it was the strong friendship that held it together for so long. I mention this because your husband should, in my opinion, be your best friend. Ne can fill this need for you, and perhaps as in my previous situation, other friends become less needed but still valued.
The peril, as I discovered, is that when my wife and I parted ways, I lost my best friend and we had no children together, so I lost family as well. But if your marriage is secure, and you say it's a "great relationship," my suggestion is to further cultivate friendship with your husband by doing more together.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok I suppose I will really need to clarify things a bit. I have been trying to make new freinds for the last year or so. I have been told that I come accross as confident and funny, but I dont seem to be having any luck keeping or making new friends. When me and my hubby split it was serious and my friends didnt take sides they just wanted me to be happy, they were'nt for or against us getting back together. they were'nt really too helpful and I tried to talk to them about the split and it did help a little, but I was so confused they didnt really seem able to help me. Even before all this with me and hubby splitting, it was tough to arrange anything with friends. I only have two friends to be honest. one has a child similar in age to mine and is pregnant. and the other friend is the complete opposite!. im always up for a laugh and dont ussually turn down invites from friends to do anything really. But ive found it hard to get responses from friends when I ask them out. they always seem to have other plans or no money. And recently I asked one friend out and she said she had no money, then the very next day i was on facebook and noticed that she had written on a few of her other friends walls inviting them out!. I couldnt believe it, i dont expect her to ask me to do everything with her, but I dont get out much really and when I have the money I always ask friends to come out, but ussually its a no!. It would make sense if they lived far away but they both live a few minutes in a car away from me, and they still try to avoid me. they always say they want to do things and then when I ask they cant come out. Im stumped really, I dont know where to go from here. I have always looked out for my friends but they only seem to want to talk to me when they want something from me. I feel like its one sided and i feel used. I know I sound like im a whiney teenager, but i am soo confused and hurt. i thought these people liked and adored me but obviously not. I dont pester people and i dont leave it too long between contacting them. so i dont know where its all gone wrong.
Sorry to spill all this on you guys, but you did ask for more info! lol.
I just feel really silly for even being upset about this. But when I think about it i realise that I have no friends that I can drop in on for a cup of tea, no-one to chat to about random stuff, no-one to socialise with and besides that it seems that nobody wants to do that stuff with me anyway. as far as i am aware I always make a good impression on people and have no trouble speaking with people and communicating with them. I dont have an attitude, im not funny with people and im not judgmental.
so this is a mystery to me. Ive tried to join clubs, gyms, and things like that but no joy. I have a great relationship with my husband but we dont have intrests in the same things. everything else is amazing "if you know what i mean"! "wink, wink". lol.
Its just really getting me down now. And although i know i have friends on here, i cant see you or touch you and I cant enjoy your company, so that makes me sad. thanks for the replies so far, keep em comming. i appreciate them. x
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (21 January 2009):
Friends and lovers come and go - that's just the way it is as time goes by, but there will also be good times. Know that there are others similarly estranged from past friends and out seeking new relationships.
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