A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 35 years old. I had a great childhood but once I hit puberty I became depressed (at the time I just thought I was going through a stage). I was mildly depressed through college. After college I was mildly depressed. People cannot see this from the outside as I hide it well but nothing really ever made me happy since I hit puberty. Yeah here and there I would be momentarily happy but most of the time am not. I should be happy because I have so many great attributes. I'm athletic and play sports almost everyday of the week, I have a great job with lenient hours, I have a lot of friends and great family. But yet I feel so alone. Most of my friends are married and now having kids. If it's one thing I'm not very good at it's romantic relationships. It's funny because all my friends say I am good at everything I do (which I am very talented in a lot of areas) but the one thing I want most is to be with that special someone. I admit I am very picky about those I date but as far as that goes my friends say I am on the right track because it's better to be too picky then not picky enough. Is that really true?.. So basically I find a connection with 1 person every 3 years. That's not very good. And that connection doesn't last very long. Sometimes a few weeks. Sometimes 2 months but never works out. I get asked out all the time but mostly by much older men. No offense but I just don't want to date someone who's son is older then me!!! Unfortunately at my age I do understand that most available people will either have been divorced or have kids (or both). I have no problem with that except that it leads to 'ex' issues and I tend to be the 'rebound' relationship after a divorce or that I won't put up with crap that other women will. I then just have my heart completely broke. Now at this time I'm a little off point but just find that at 35 now I have done everything I've wanted to (career wise, travel-wise, etc.). I know people say that you have to find 'happiness' within yourself. I've tried for 18 years and have 'gotten' by... albeit not happy per say but not majorly depressed save a few incidents. I have been to therapy and been on anti-depressants for dysthymia (low grade chronic depression) but I feel I am still going downhill. My work has suffered, all I want to do is sleep... basically just cry and lay in a dazed state. I feel I have so much going for me yet that one missing link/void always remains and I don't want to be lonely the rest of my life. I don't want to look back when I'm 80 (if I make it that far!) from a resthome where nobody even knows who I am because I have no family. I have made serious efforts to change but after a few days I just go back into that 'hole' of loneliness again. I want to live a full life I just feel my heart has been completely ripped out and is never going to heal. I want to give up sometimes. I guess I don't really have a question but more just to write my feelings down. :(
View related questions:
depressed, divorce, older men Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009): Having suffered from depression myself during my teens/early twenties, I can totally understand how you must have felt back then. However, I have never taken anti-depressants as I don't believe in them. I've always found music to be very therapeutic. At 31, I too am in the situation where most things in my life are great but I still cannot find the right partner for myself and yes, I feel quite lonely sometimes. I feel I am jinxed or something at times.
But then I look at it like this: yes most of my friends are sorted in their own lives with partners and children but who says their lives are perfect anyway? Who says they are all completely happy? Yes it can seem like that from the outside but I don't know that for sure. I think most people have a void in their lives whether they are in a relationship or not.
I think the best thing anyone in our situation can do is just keep busy with work, hobbies, anything that distracts you from getting too deep within yourself. Be good to yourself, keep a sense of humour, help others and always remember, you can never be sure about other's relationships. Always keep an open mind and you will be able to carry on.
Also, if you are taking medication for your depression, I would suggest that you check with your doctor about it. Is it possible it could be making you feel worse? Whatever happens, take care of yourself and don't give up!
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (26 December 2009):
 It´s not too late for you to change this, and I swear things can change.
Perhaps going to church or a religious service would help you? Possibly, you could talk to a pastor or priest.
I´m not proselytizing, though. I´m more spiritual than religious myself... it just seems like there is a big void in your life.
I know you need to have love, and share your life... but you have to be a whole person and I just sense that... you have... this.. void. I could be wrong, but I hope my perspective helps.
Hang in there! Things can change. Feel free to send me a message :)
...............................
|
