A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I actually asked this very same question a few months ago but was wanting some more advice and have added to it. I am a seemingly normal happy 19 year old male with a loving family and a few friends. However I have a huge problem on my hands. My question isn't laid out very clearly and I'm literally just writing as I think so sorry for structure is so crummy. A few years ago I noticed that for some completely unknown reason I was scared of picking up the phone because I didn't know who was calling. Even when I did know who was calling I found it hard to pick up and didn't half the time. An irrational fear I couldn't control. My parents put this down to being too lazy to get up but this isn't true! Today I don't struggle with this so much and can pick up the phone 9 times out of 10 without panicking but sometimes out of the blue it still strikes me.What is worse is this seems to have spread to other parts of my life, although is entirely situational. If I am to meet a new person in the presence of a good friend I generally feel at ease and confident and don't find it at all difficult to make conversation. However if I am forced to meet somebody new alone I feel very self-conscious and find myself lost for words and only become more anxious and worried. I despise leaving the house alone and find it a genuine struggle to get on a bus alone and even harder still to go into town alone. For some strange reason I feel very paranoid and aware of the people around me and find myself worrying what they might think of me. It tends to be a vicious cycle though as I act clumsily due to being so nervous and this only makes me feel more self-concious and therefore even more nervous. Obviously this is irrational to begin with but it just seems to take a hold of me! Earlier today I went out to the shops to buy some bread. It is a 10 minute walk there and 10 minutes back. I felt very nervous the whole way and by the time I got home my shirt was literally soaking with sweat from being so nervous. I am constantly having to wear hoodies and jumpers to hide this excessive sweating which can make me look quite out of place during the summer months, not to menion I only get hotter and more sweaty. My hair goes haywire too and all this adds up to make me feel very self-concious and on edge. In short, I look terrible. Sadly I have a reputation for being late due to sometimes not being able to leave the house straight away. I just have to hesitate at the door until I feel confident enough to open it.The worst part is I attended university earlier this year but found myself terrified of attending lectures alone and subsequently missed a fair few. I ended up dropping out mainly due to being unhappy with my course (but my fear in meeting people played a part in it too, I just didn't tell anyone that!).I am on a gap year now and am going to a new university this year. I really enjoy what I hope to be studying and MUST not let my insecurities get in the way of my education! Although I feel completely at ease about leaving home now I am worried the same thing might happen especially as it is such a busy place and I will be confronted with meeting a lot of new people entirely alone - my worst nightmare. I also know how important the first few weeks are when it comes to making friends so I'm really worried I won't make a very good impression of myself. I hope to use these next few months to try and overcome my fear before I reattend university. I have tried to be more independent but I have not seen much in the way of results, I am still nervous and self-concious.I become too embarrassed to talk to people face to face about my problem but need to tackle it. What on earth can I do? I am only just realising how much this has held me back over the years. I have tried booking myself into the doctors but I cancelled at the last minute because I am too embarrassed to talk about it. I have a very hard time discussing my feelings with even my closest friends, not being able to even look at them as I talk, and yet I have to go and talk about my deepest insecurities with a total stranger? I don't see how I am going to manage it. Is there any way around this? I think I really need some help.Thank you for reading!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): I suffered similar things and saught out a course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. You can do it through your doctor on a NHS waiting list or pay for it privately. Although I cant obviously speak for you its changed my life and would be worth perhaps considering.
All your physical symptoms are simply side effects of what is going through your head. If you can work out why you have these thoughts and what is at the route of it, it will help. Keep going, you'll get there. And well done for not giving up on uni but trying again. Take care xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): When people get nervice they tend to forget what they were going to say because there mind goes blank. When you meet a new person think about you, your likes, and dislikes, your family, mention sports, religion, fravorit book or movies. Go over what you could say in a conversation, witch will make you feel more comfortable when you meet someone because you'll have the out line of the conversation. In school make sure you atleast meet 40 people. Try to make friends with the teachers talk to them about there lecture after class, because then you wont feel nervice in class because he or she, is the one you need to focus on in class. Over the summer go out and about and try and meet new people, even if with some its a complete failure with some of them you need to put your self in that position, so you can feel more comfortable in the long run. If your going to borders or star-bucks theres opritunities to speak to new people there, just sit next to them and start a conversation. Your friends have to know somethings up with you but there embearest to say anything about it. They possably could help with meeting new people bc they know a few people. If your going on the bus, talk to the bus drivers a little so you feel comfortable on the bus. You go to the stores make a coversation with the cashier. Getting to know people makes you more comfortable with them, just think of things you could say in conversation so it will stick with you even if you are nervice because it's gone there your mind so much that it becomes a natural reaction.
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A
female
reader, bellaaddison  +, writes (13 May 2009):
At least you are capable of recognizing that there is an issue here. If I had to take a guess, it's a form of anxiety/panic attacks that you are experiencing when these episodes come on you.
My ex-brother-in-law suffered severly from anxiety and panic attacks. He eventually could not get out of bed, much less leave his home. Ultimately he sought the help of a doctor and has been on medication for a few years now. He now has a job, can drive himself where ever he needs to be and is able to prepare for situations before they get the best of him.
Not everyone is a believer in medication, but I believe it is a personal and professional decision. One that you and a liscensed professional should make together.
Please find the strength and courage to talk to someone. You are not alone and there are answers out there for you. You just need to take the first step and reach out!!
Best of Luck to you!
Bella
xoxo
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A
female
reader, Lina319 +, writes (13 May 2009):
 Honestly, considering that most ppl on this site are not licensed professionals, your best bet is to seek one. Seems to me like you might just have an anxiety disorder, sometimes these things get triggered at a young age by a discomforting situation, so whenever you encounter it again, your brain reacts with the same patterns, excessive sweating, strange nervousness, and panic.
Try your hardest to set an appointment up with a doctor who will help figure out exactly what you have thru your consistent symptoms. Do not take any medication if they insist on it, they do more harm than good... what they might just recommend is behavioral techniques that will help you tackle your anxiety when you find yourself in a nerve racking situation like meeting new people... the techniques will probably start off very simply to build you up to your full potential, its all practice tho...
best of luck, and again seek professional help they will know how to best help you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): you really need to overcome your fear. you should go to a doctor or someone to talk to. they just want to help. you really need to remind yourself that not everyone is dangerous.
try going out with friends to places with small people then build it up to lots of people. then go bak to small amounts of people by yourself.
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