A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So i have a little bit of a problem that maybe you guys can help me with. I think i am falling in love with my best friend. I really do not know what to do at this point. So let me give you some background information. We have known each other for about 4 years. We live on opposites sides of the country and are as different as two people can be. Im 26 and single. She on the other hand is 38, married with 2 kids.We met several years ago in an online chat room and hit it off right away. Over the years we have had our ups and downs, but have alwyas been there for each other. We always seem to know when we need each other. I have been told that the way we talk on the phone, people think we are together because we are just so comfortable with each other. So she has been having problems with her marriage for as long as i have known her. I have always been there to listen and have always told her that what she does is her decision alone, That i cant make it for her. I can only stand behind her and what she decides.Well lately she as talked about divorce more and i have been supportive. I always have an open door policy with my friends, that they are always welcome in my home if they need a place to stay. I told my friend this. I also said i know you will never take me up on it but just so you know. Her answer really surprised me, she told me, that when she is single she will take me up on that offer and that she is dying to meet her friend.I really dont know what to do here. She is my best friend, and nothing can change that. I worry about the what ifs in the future that has not happened yet. Or do i just let things run its course. There is another woman that i really want to date, but she is not ready to date yet. So im always "on hold" as i call it. Any advice would be great, and please note. I am not a man that wants to break up someone's marriage. I have never and would never tell her to leave her husband.
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male
reader, hdell +, writes (12 August 2008):
Let things take their course. There are so many ifs, ands, and buts to this situation that it is impossible for you to plan ahead of time what you ought to do.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): I'm in a similar situation right now. The conflict of interest in providing relationship support for someone with whom you are in love is huge. Trying to balance it is difficult and stressful. I can't speak for you, but I'm simply not strong enough to be unbiased. What I need to do, and what you might consider, is 'hanging up'. I am going to talk to my friend, and explain that I need to put some distance between us, because I've become romantically interested and I need to get over that in order to preserve our friendship. My friend will understand, and give me the time and the space I need. I guess it depends on your higher goals...for me, while romance might be nice, the friendship is more important to me. This way, in two months or six or however long it takes to get my head screwed on straight, it'll be there.
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