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female
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anonymous
writes: Hey, Im looking for a bit of advise on my 6 year relationship with my partner. I'm 23 and he's 28 and he's my first 'boyfriend'. The relationship was always great between us, we have good laughs and I do miss him when he's gone. I recently started a new job and I am happy, but not only do I like my job, I've became friendly with one of the staff, and if I were to be honest, I look forward to going into work and make more of an effort with myself. We have exchanged numbers and I never thought I could have feelings for another male, apart from my partner, like the feelings that I have for this man. He's 40 so there is a 17 year age gap but when I speak with him he seems just the same age as me. The reason I am needing advise is because between my partner and I, the sexual relationship was always only ok. I never crave sex with him and this is making me worry. We never speak or txt about it either. My new friend and I have now got a bond where we have also exchanged feelings about our personal relationships, I have never had an orgasm and he's got a massive sex drive but his partner has no interest. We have discussed sex, likes n dislikes and for him to only mention it, or if I only think of the least bit of intimacy with him makes the hairs stand on my neck. We have kissed and he kissed me like I have never been kissed before-it made me go weak at the knees. But I couldnt go any further with him because the guilt over my partner would kill me, and I am not the 2 timing sort but whats happening to me at the moment is just making me wonder, should I be with my partner or not.. This man has told me he wants to hold me and show me love like never before because he wants to be with me, but I dont know if this is only lust. I told him I could not live with myself If I cheated on my man so we then had phone sex. It was also better than actual physical sex with my partner. Then recently my boyfriend proposed to me, and to be honest, I was thrilled and obviously accepted his proposal. Things between myself and this man have calmed down a bit since my engagement, and now I miss the attention from him. Please help...
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co-worker, exchanged numbers, fiance, orgasm, phone sex, sex drive Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (9 November 2006):
 It sounds like you're putting all the attention you should be directing towards your boyfriend to this other guy. And, you did cheat. Kissing is physical and passing personal information about your relationship is emotionalcheating and betrayal. Would you like it if he was telling the guys at work you loved this sex act or that one.
You taken the first steps towards a full affair. You've broken the emotional/personal privacy barrier with a stranger. You're telling him too much and he's saying everything you want to hear, based on what you've told him. It's like the deer telling the hunter where he hangs out during hunting season. You're serving yourself up on a platter for the taking.
You say you're not the two timimg sort but you've started down that pathway. What you feel is normal, what you do is different. Don't think you'll never be attracted to others because you're married. Who's to say the same thing wouldn't happen again if you hooked up with this co worker. If you were happy with what you had before youmnet this new guy, focus on that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2006): Wow, you are really not thinking of sleeping with this 40 year old co-worker are you? Peraonally, I have never had a conversation with a co-worker about my personal sex life and the fact that this man who is 17 years your senior asked you those kinds of questions in the context of a work relationship makes MY SKIN CRAWL.
Don't be stupid, if you care about your job and like your job, do not go off playing doctor with this guy, it will get around and you will be the office trollop...my guess is this guy is either married, or in a serious relationship himself and wants to have a bit of sex with a girl young enough to be his daughter.
As for your boyfriend and your lack of sexual desire, my thinking is that it is a 6 year relationship and you have gotten into some bad habits, you have never had an orgasm and you have been doing the same thing for 6 years? Obviously someone needs to buy a few books on sexual technique, study and practice in the privacy of your own bedroom and you may be amazed at what you can accomplish. You must love the guy if you said yes to his proposal of marriage.
This is just lust honey, sometimes with the excitement of a new job and the attention of an admired more senior worker can turn into erotic feelings if you have a heartbeat, but don't confuse it for anything else but just that, and his feelings will cool after you do the deed, trust me and then where will you be?
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