A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:(I am completely in love with a guy who works with me. We had an affair for 18 months when I was divorcing my husband and his girlfriend had left him. We are sexualy crazy about each other but, he is not sure if something else is there. A couple of months ago he met someone in a party, She is 23 and he says she makes him laugh. I am 32 and he is 33. We were always good friends, that is how I know about her, he did not lied to me. We are not having sex anymore since. He says he is thinking about his life, as he wants to find someone to marry and have children. I love him very much but I feel that he does not know what he wants. A month ago a decided to fight for him and I told him about my feelings and everything. I started to tex him and even invited him to expend a weekend with me, but he ignored me.After that I decided to move on.He might even get on with this girl and marry her, who knows. As much as I feel he is the one, I don't want live in a faire tale and believe he will get back to me one day, therefore I need to forget him. The problem is, we work together and I see him everyday.I cannot leave my job, as it is very importante to me and financialy I cannot do it. I have tried to date other guys, but unsucessful, as I still have feelings for him. There are some weeks I am strong and I cope, others I just cry. I don't want to see anyone and I don't know what to do. At work I only talk to him about work, but he tries to talk to me about his personal life and it makes me feel worse. Please help, I am desperate.) This happened a year ago, and that is what was happening.Since that I got back to my husband and It did not work, now I am officially separeted from my husband which no way we can try again.I am still working in the same place, seing the guy everyday and since last year I never went out with him again. Two months ago, he started aproach me again and I found out that He still with the girl I saw them together a year ago. She is his girfriend. He still saying that he is confused and he cannot forget me. I ignored him. The problem is I cannot move on. I still love him. He was the most amazing guy I ever met and the feeling still as strong in me as never before even though there is not sex or nothing going on fisicly. I am so desperated and in pain that he is with someone else and probabily he is loving her that I cannot take anymore. In 8 years I have naver stayed with any other man. Only my husband and him. I genuinily fell in love with him even though I am single now I can not be with anyone else. I have even tried a dating site hoping to meet someone who would bring some hapiness to my life, But it did not work.. I cannot even kiss them. I am afraid and lost. Please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2008): Smiles!
Thanks very much for your help. I really opened mind. I need to start to learn how to live with myself and let good things happen to me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2008): Dear Poster
You are probably not going to like what I have to say; I am not trying to upset you or judge you; I am merely trying to help you to get perspective. Please forgive me if this sounds harsh, but there is no easy way around this.
Stop behaving like a "love sick" puppy.
You are an intelligent woman, who deserves the best; stop accepting to be treated like this; pull yourself towards yourself; go stand in front of the mirror, look at yourself and tell yourself how much you love yourself; lift up your chin and look into your own eyes; then explain to yourself why you allow this man to treat you like this or why you allow his behavior to affect you like this;
Promise yourself that it will stop and need to change;
YOU need to TAKE CONTROL of your own life; don't allow him to have such POWER over your emotions and feelings.
I suggest:
1. You cannot change jobs; so okay, be professional at work and avoid any personal conversations; should he start talking about personal matters,excuse yourself to do something urgently, i.e a phone call or something.
2. Stop making yourself miserable about thinking about him and his girlfriend; start making an effort not to think about him; when it comes up in your mind, make an effort to think of something else; don't dwell on negative thoughts.
3. Consider a make over or change your hairstyle, do something different;
4. He probably knows you still care; try to behave more distant and make him wonder if you have meet somebody else;(it that does not help him to sort out his confusion, very little will).
If he is interested in you; give him chance to "chase" you;
don't be to available; don't just "wait" for him; NO, start doing things, take up a hobby or join a club or do some charity work; find something to keep yourself busy with;
Who knows, he might wake up and come around but if not; his loss; you might meet somebody else when you least expect it; but don't try and find somebody; let them find you; just get out and start living; start doing things that is of interest to you and that you enjoy.
Charity work can be very rewarding; it will take your mind of your own problems; you might find it easier to forget about him and to MOVE ON when you are not spending so much energy thinking about him and "dreaming" about him;(you might be able to see him in a different light); don't compare other people with him;
Set your mind free and be realistic.
Sometimes these things happen to help us to grow within ourselves.
Hope this is of assistance to you.
Keep us posted.
Best wishes and keep SMILING.
...............................
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