A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all- apologize in advance for the length of this. I have been dating a guy who is 3 years older than me for a month now. He lives in the town that I work in and we met via an online dating app. The first time I met him my very first impression of him was that he’s a player. He seemed very smooth, very put together and he knows what to say and when to say it. I still had a good time and our personalities seemed to mesh well so I agreed to another date. I still got the player vibe but was convinced to keep seeing him per some girl friends who encouraged me to let it play out a little farther. Over the course of the last 4 weeks, I have jokingly mentioned how I felt he was a player and was too smooth. He told me it was just because the date went so well and we got along great that he could understand why I had that view of him. Prior to me, he had a serious girlfriend of 2.5 years and has dated several people after her. He said only one girl lasted for a month and a half and then it ended. All the other girls were drinks or dinner one night and he never saw them again. My problem is that I still can’t shake the idea that he’s with a bunch of other girls and I’m going to end up getting hurt. I do like this guy and enjoy spending time with him. Here are a few reasons I’m skeptical that he’s lying to me: On a Friday night he stopped texting and then Saturday afternoon texted and said he “switched his phone” accidently with a friend of his. I gave him the benefit of the doubt as it could happen. Saturday night he stopped texting me fairly early in the night again and told me Sunday morning he had left his phone at his friend’s house and had just retrieved it at 10 in the morning. I would normally not question that but he face timed me from his bed and then made a comment about how he hadn’t been up and around yet. We had tentative plans for last night and then about the time I would have to leave my house to get to his place, he stopped texting me. Another thing that makes me uncomfortable, which I have mentioned several times to him, is how he constantly talks about how “hot” or what a “total babe” another girl is. Granted he’s never talking about a girl in our surrounding area but generally is someone from a previous interaction that day. It makes me feel he is constantly checking other girls out and looking for another girl to move on to. Despite telling him I don’t like hearing about how attractive another female is, he has continued to do so. I can’t figure out if he is that oblivious or if it’s semi intentional. When we first started dating he wanted to see me all the time, we were going out almost every other night. It has now been a full week and there are still no plans to see each other. He also told me he never adds facebook friends and that he likes to make people wait for weeks but would make an exception for me. Today I saw he added a very pretty girl wh works at a place he frequents several times a week. I can’t help but put two and two together and think this is the girl who could be the reason for him acting so strange lately. I never specifically brought her up but said I would appreciate knowing if there were any other girls in the picture. I texted him this morning asking what was up because things had seemed weird the last week. He told me that I worry too much and that there is no other girl that he is dating and that he likes me and wants to keep seeing me. He has introduced me to his parents and often talks about the furture with me. In fact he's actually brought up marriage! That makes me feel strange and do not know how to intrepret so many mixed signals. I am obviously no longer pushing the issue nor will I question him. However, I’m not sure I want to continue pursing something like this when I feel there are constantly red flags that make me feel so insecure. Do you think I’m overreacting and should just trust what he is telling me despite his opposing behaviors?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2014): He is definitely a player imo, the red flags are there. Just drop him and stop wasting your time. No one forgets their phone that much. The comments about other women etc. Introducing you to the parents, talk of marriage is the bate to get you in the sack and while he's waiting for that he has other women he is seeing. This man will only make you miserable. Be smart, listen to your logical brain and don't let him.
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