A
female
age
51-59,
*ety
writes:Hello! After a lot of time that i haven't seen my ex-boyfriend, i think that i don't really feel the need to be with him anymore. We only talk some times in the phone in a friendly way. We remain friends after all, but i don't like a more intimate relation with him. However, i don't really feel close with my husband. There is a lot of distance between us although we live together. The situation has worsen because of some arguments between us some times before and these arguments made me distant. I try to forget these moments because i know that at the bottom my husband has good feelings but it's hard to forget all the ugly things. More of the time we remember the ugly moments that we live with somebody and not the better ones. And just say that i forget and those bad moments, there are some things that i feel that press me a lot. The first one is that i would like to have a baby and although i try, it doesn't happen. I don't feel a real interest in my husband and the fact that there isn't a baby yet, makes me feel no bond at all. Maybe it is the stress that worses the situation but i really don't know what i could do to make things better. I can't stop thinking about babies when i have sex because it is the only reason that i make it now. I feel my self-esteem to go down just as i make sex from obligation and for the reason of reproduction, although if that eventually happens, it would be pleasant. In the meantime i don't like to think about sex, i feel nervous and distant with my husband and i am seeing my marriage as an obligation that doesn't allow me to relax and have fun. I wonder if there is something i can do to reverse this route to worst because i really would like to work for feeling better in my marriage or at least to get used at it, stop worry and have if not the best time not a bad one.
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female
reader, confuseda89  +, writes (29 May 2013):
I can understand what you're going through. im going through a similar situation but im not married.. I just have too much built up anger which has made me distant to my fiancé.
just take a break from everything and try resolving one issue at a time.. try to talk to him about all that you are feeling.. and let go of the ex. I strongly believe as long as the ex's are around they keep screwing with your mind.. that's whats happening to me.. (please reply my question 'torn between fiancé and ex boyfriend)
best of luck!!
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (29 May 2013):
 Picture the life you want to have. What does it look like? What are you doing? Then ask yourself what is stopping you from doing those things, or some of those things now.
When you have more of the life you want, you'll be happier, and more confident which will put you in a better frame of mind vis a vis your husband. He will respond more positively to the new and improved you and your home life will be better over all.
Keep it simple and tackle one thing at a time.
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A
female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (29 May 2013):
 Through thick and thin remember? Marriage is an obligation BUT... it does not have to be not fun! You need to try to resolve arguments and not hold onto anger and bitterness over time. Go on holiday - try to remember the reason you both fell in love in the beginning. Go see a gynea and ask for help to have a baby... some fertility pills could give you the kick you need. You have to try to make the environment fun and comfortable for both of you... he too needs to make an effort if it is to work!
You've tied a lot of issues into your question.... your ex, intimacy, ugly moments, self-esteem, baby, obligation, nerves and distance... perhaps you need to start isolating the issues and thinking of causes and solutions for each... could be easier to deal with and manage ...also try to look at the good things about your marriage (I am sure there are some) ... Good luck xx
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A
female
reader, Mariab +, writes (29 May 2013):
Through thick and thin remember? Marriage is an obligation BUT... it does not have to be not fun! You need to try to resolve arguments and not hold onto anger and bitterness over time. Go on holiday - try to remember the reason you both fell in love in the beginning. Go see a gynea and ask for help to have a baby... some fertility pills could give you the kick you need. You have to try to make the environment fun and comfortable for both of you... he too needs to make an effort if it is to work!
You've tied a lot of issues into your question.... your ex, intimacy, ugly moments, self-esteem, baby, obligation, nerves and distance... perhaps you need to start isolating the issues and thinking of causes and solutions for each... could be easier to deal with and manage ...also try to look at the good things about your marriage (I am sure there are some) ... Good luck xx
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