A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am completely in love with a guy who works with me. We had an affair for 18 months when I was divorcing my husband and his girlfriend had left him. We are sexualy crazy about each other but, he is not sure if something else is there. A couple of months ago he met someone in a party, She is 23 and he says she makes him laugh. I am 32 and he is 33. We were always good friends, that is how I know about her, he did not layed to me. We are not having sex anymore since. He says he is thinking about his life, as he wants to find someone to marry and have children. I love him very much but I feel that he does not know what he wants. A month ago a decided to fight for him and I told him about my feelings and everything. I started to tex him and even invited him to expend a weekend with me, but he ignored me.After that I decided to move on.He might even get on with this girl and marry her, who knows. As much as I feel he is the one, I don't want live in a faire tale and believe he will get back to me one day, therefore I need to forget him. The problem is, we work together and I see him everyday.I cannot leave my job, as it is very importante to me and financialy I cannot do it. I have tried to date other guys, but unsucessful, as I still have feelings for him. There are some weeks I am strong and I cope, others I just cry. I don't want to see anyone and I don't know what to do. At work I only talk to him about work, but he tries to talk to me about his personal life and it makes me feel worse. Please help, I am desperated.
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male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (13 October 2007):
 Hi - sorry to hear about your situation. I know what it's like. You are right to try and move on - but I do understand that your heart (and mind )won't let you. You are also thinking rationally by recognising that it will not be good for you to live the fairy tale. So how are you going to manage? Because somehow you are going to have to get this guy out of your mind. You could take a week's holiday or have some time off sick(!!!!), I know not good suggestions but a gap of not seeing him might just help. Better still you could take a week off and go and do a course of some sort (learn a new skill/physical activity/tennis/indian cookery/there's all sorts etc). It'll cost (around £250-£450 depending what u choose)- but you will come back with other things on your mind. Who knows who you might meet on the course. You can also do a week's residential volunteering ( childrens homes/hospices etc).Basically you work for free - but get free board and food plus some time off to explore. Won't cost as much except 5 days holiday. (If you did it for charity - would your company come do a deal with u about using up your hols - some do - worth a try). You can do a search on the net to find or email me - I've got some info.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): I would not send him a letter as you work with him and it could be used against you in case this guy gets nervous that you may file a sexual harassment suit at your workplace and beat you to the punch.
I think the easiest and quickest thing to do would be the next time he starts talking to you about his personal life at work, say to him that you don't want to know anything about the intimate details of his life, you would like to restore your working relationship and unless he is ready to date you, you don't want him to contact you outside of work or to tell you about the other girls he is seeing.
I think this was a classic case of both of you being on the rebound....these relationships almost never last, and serve a poor purpose of numbing out your feelings of desperation over the loss of your marriage and his ex....you need to try and let it go, and move on. Right now you are mainly thinking about the great sex it sounds like, this is not enough for the basis of a relationship, try to see him as a normal mortal human being, start to focus on some of the things about him and the two of you that do not work, and your feelings will cool off...
Try to avoid him at work as much as possible and continue to date if you feel like it, stay busy, all the usual stuff and just give yourself time. You are going through a growth process, getting back to being a single adult....
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A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (13 October 2007):
 I am very sorry about your situation. You should know that you are not alone in your situation. There are many work romances that don't work out and people are left working with someone they still love or have feelings for. It is unfortunate but it should help you to know that getting over that work romance has been done by many people, so don't give up hope-you will get there one day. One thing I would suggest to you is that you have an honest conversation with the man and tell him that until you go through your grieving process with your feelings that you need him to leave personal discussions out of your conversations. Tell him that you want to move on but he is not helping. Once you are through your grieving process maybe then you can be friends with this man again or maybe you can not. I would not suggest to leap into another relationship. From the sounds of it, this man helped you through your divorce and maybe you haven't processed your grief from that either. Spend some time alone figuring out what you want in a relationship and in life. Spend some time with friends. It will take time to get over your feelings for him but with him continuing to blab on about his personal life he keeps opening the wound. Be prepared though for him to feel hurt about your request but don't let him back in. It could be that he enjoys the attention you give him and he lets it stroke his ego. Do not let this happen. You are a good person and you will find someone who deserves you. All the best and heal fast.
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