A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I love my husband very much but yesterday I got angry with him (it was not unprovoked) and I said something truly horrible to him. I really went below the belt. We have been having problems for a long time and they are not helped by circumstances that are not in our control (I got hurt at work, his mom has cancer, etc). He exploded. He told me the last time he could "feel" his love for me was when we had first started dating. I had told him at that time that he was smothering me and I needed him to back off (I had gotten out of a bad relationship). He said that that just killed it and it hasn't been back since. I don't listen to him, I pull away from him emotionally when we fight and I don't fully come back from it. I have really screwed up. Now he doesn't want to hear I'm sorry. He doesn't want anything from me (I cook, clean, do his laundry, etc. - usually). I tell him "I love you" as I leave for work - he says nothing. How do I fix this? I still love him and I think I still loves me (he's just really hurt and angry right now). Thanks for your input.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): You brought it on yourself by going below the belt. Below the belt stuff can't be taken back with an apology. Ever. Don't do that next time and maybe he won't be so pissed b/c he will never forget the things you said.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (28 September 2007):
 Saying things we don't mean. That can sure cause big problems. I think your relationship is in a rut, but I also think both of you need to learn better and more effective ways to handle confrontation. There are many alternative methods that can be used. One this you have to stay away from is cutting the other person down. I've heard that with children if you say something that makes them feel less than they are, it takes 100 positive compliments to make up for one negative. Are adults really that different. How far did you set yourself back by your comment?
You need to learn to control this behavior. Learn how to walk through issues together through compromise. Learn to discuss, and not get angry.
I don't know what you told him, and I don't know how deep it affected his emotions. All I can say is give time for healing. Don't pressure him to be the way he use to be. You could ask him if you can just go someplace together and just sit and talk. It may help if you see the issues you are having from the view of the other person. Discuss it and attempt to come up with a solution that is equally beneficial to the both of you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): In A rut comes to mind , but like me you carry on putting off the inevitable ( it might get better, back to how it used to be !!) It's a big world out there when you are out of touch getting into another relationship doesn't bear thimking about, but it does work out for thousands of others who do make the break and end up in a happy loving relationship. I see it all the time so many friends have gone down that road, I just need to take that nexy step, as do you.
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A
female
reader, brown eyez  +, writes (27 September 2007):
both of your emotions are running high at the moment with different things. al couples have arguments and we say things that we dnt mean. you love him and ur sorry for what you said. just give him tym and hel come round. cook him a romantic meal or do something special for the two of you. show him you love him and the bond you have is strong and hopefuly everything wil b ok xxx
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