A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid,I'm 19, I was seeing this 22 year old guy from Sept 2011 until March 2012, but things never got official between us (long time I know) anyways, I ended things because I found out he wasn't looking for anything serious and the last few months were rocky between us and also, I was the only one making the effort to hold things together during those months, so to brief it up, I got hurt and I decided to give up and he didn't care. He was also the first person I was sexual with, not necessarily sex because I still am a virgin but we did other things. Now I'm a strong person but I still feel pain just like everybody else, I have been hurt a lot in general - bullying in school, been cheated on, parents divorced because my dad was cheating, etc... So I naturally put a wall up and I don't really let anyone in, and I tend to just keep things to myself.When things ended, I must admit, I was hurt, but not as hurt as I thought I'd be. I cried twice and that was it. I haven't thought about him since, didn't think twice about anything that happened between us. The thing is, I wasn't expecting to ever see him or talk to him again. But yesterday I did, he didn't see me but I left my friends house and got in my car and he turned the corner and crossed the road so I missed him by a few seconds. Ever since I saw him I can't stop thinking about it. Not in a bad way, I'm not hurt or upset, but disappointed I think? No feelings came back but all my thoughts did...Thoughts of how much effort I had put in with him and how none of that phased him, how I was so loyal to him even though we weren't official, and seeing him made me feel slightly crap. Its hard to explain but he looked so well, with a bunch of friends, laughing and talking, and it just seemed so surreal because as I saw him walk past I just couldn't help but think he didn't care about me at all, he's living his life as usual - I know its obvious but I don't know how to fully explain myself.Is it normal to feel this way by somebody that hurt you? I don't like him anymore, but I am disappointed that things never worked out, he's the only guy I put that much effort into and it all went down the drain, and to make matters worse, I tried to talk to my friends about it individually and none of them were really bothered by the situation, when I told them I saw him they didn't ask how I was, they just carried on either talking about themselves, I don't know if its because of the wall I have up that maybe they think I don't wanna talk about it and I was merely telling them what happened, but I felt so alone when that happened. I take the time out to care for all my friends and help them with their problems but I feel as though there's nobody really there for me, which is another reason why I don't tell my friends much to start with.I was just wondering if what I'm feeling is normal? I haven't thought about him or seen him and after 3 months, seeing a glimpse of him has made me feel this way.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2012): It is normal, but I think you sound like a very strong person and you have done very well in getting over him. It's normal to feel a little disappointed when we see someone whom we hoped we meant something to doesn't really care, it's a big ego bruiser. I'm sorry you feel alone at the moment but you're not, as this is very common and the majority of people go through the same thing. I hope you find someone you can talk about it to though as it will probably help.
A
male
reader, AndrewWedgbury +, writes (12 June 2012):
Here's the thing. Sometimes life sucks! In my day to day work as a fortune teller, I hear a very similar story over and over again. But you are different, you're a strong person who is ok with externalising your toughts and asking for help. Things are going to be 100% fine, they always are eventually. You just need to wait a while and start trusting people.If this guy isn't looking for anything serious and you are then you should let him go. This will have one of two potential effect, either he will realise he DOES want something serious or someone else will come allong very soon who cares for you and respects you like you deserve!What you are feeling is normal, role with it, add it to your lifes experiences and remember what it is like so you can help others in the future. I'd whish you good luck but you dont need it, I can see you are going to be lucky any way!
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