A
male
age
41-50,
*lphamale
writes:OK I'll make it quick. I dated this girl for about 5 months, very pretty and cute. About three months into our relationship, things went a little sour when she told me she was missing her ex boyfrienda lot so we took a 2 week break from each other. She calls me to talk things out and promised she'd stop thinking about him.About two weeks ago things went downhill again when she started growing distant, the texts were less frequent and the calls were sparse. She finally called me to drop the bomb and tell me she doesn't wanna hurt and wants to end our relationship, I said fine!!! be that way. however I felt awful. I thought everyine was going well, we never had an argument, I never treated her badly, I made every effort for this to work and I felt everything was a waste of time.Last WEdnesday she sees me on msn messenger to chat, we talked as friends and then she starts telling me how good I was in bed. I found it weird and ask her what is it she wanted? I thought we broke up, and she said it didnt matter and told me she was all wet thinking about me. I cut her off I was still hurting inside.LAST NIGHT, in this nightclub I go to a couple times a month,at most (this is where we met) I see her with this dude, It was the exboyfriend she was missing this whole time) this guy looked like a total scrub, no lie, definitly ugly with scar from his eye to his mouth, with clothes he apparently bought from walmart. I'm a fit guy, six pack, gym freak, well groomed and sharp dresser. yet this is the guy she was longing for? she told me she put a lot of emphasis in outer appearance, but apparently she struck out with this.This made me feel better, knowing she is going out with this scrub, My self-esteem went up. there's something wrong with her, not me. is this normal? has anybody had this crazy reaction
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female
reader, Mikados are lush!  +, writes (9 May 2009):
 Oh dear. I think its good and I also think its normal that you have seen the guy and its made you feel a bit smug. Thats a good result!Without wanting to 'put out your bonfire' to put it politely lol beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I have dated various looking guys and my brother was saying such and such was the best looking guy I went out with the other day, I personally didn't agree!Whats on the outside can be very easy on the eye, but their personality might not be as attractive, and that kinda disscolours the outer look? Hard to explain. But ive met a guy that to me wasn't great shakes, but after I got to know him I fancied the pants off him!! And went on to date him for 2 yrs.I think its a good thing that seeing the guy has made you feel better, that can never be a bad thing. But to her, he probably isn't as you see him? And thats also very normal.xxxxxxxxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!
It's good that your self-esteem has gone up. And I hope you will be okay now.
To answer your question, yes I have experienced a similar situation. It was over 20 years ago...but I remember it vividly. I was interested in a guy who I had become close friends with. I knew he had an on again, off again relationship with a woman living in another part of the state. When she moved to our area...I was shocked when I met her. She wasn't at all what I had expected! She wasn't attractive at all....and her personality left much to be desired. But when all was said and done, he was with her! So, what does it matter what the outside appearence was? I have to admit, though it did raise my self confidence.
By the way I probably should mention that eventually...we all became friends. She ended up leaving him for a guy who was nowhere near as goodlooking as him...I ended up marrying someone else, and he found himself a very nice/attractive girl!
Life is complicated and there is no accounting for individual taste/attraction!
Good luck with your moving on!
Britt
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): Its completly normal how you are feeling!! I was in a similar situation a few years ago...i was seeing this guy who i was crazy about and then his job took him abroad and he said he'd be incontact when he got back...well..he never got in contact but i bumped in to him one night at a restaurant with a complete minger!!! I did feel so good about myself and wondered what the hell he saw in her. I still wonder now.She probably had a nicer personlaity than me..or maybe he was with her so he could be the nice looking on in the relationship?? Who knows.Good luck.
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A
male
reader, The Gentle Man +, writes (9 May 2009):
 It seems like you feel insecure to be completely honest. To me this reads like "What does he have that I don't". People are attracted different people, not everyone wants a gym freak or a scruffy guy. You have put alot of work into your physical appearance and some scruffy unkept guy takes your woman. It must be frustrating but thats life.Id get over yourself and go find someone else. She likes him, you dont see why, in the end it doesnt matter.
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