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female
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*roggi
writes: I walked into my b/f's (whom I live and work with) office to see his MSN messenger window open with his picture on the bottom and the female was using a camera to masterbate for him. He claims that the window justed popped open. He has never given me a reason to doubt him before. He did cheat on his wife before their divorce 4 years ago. I have a bad history with men-they have all left me for other women. Am I paranoid or is he showing those cheating signs? Will I ever trust again?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2006): i think he may be cheating on you. hes not worth it. leave him. you say he loves porn. that may make him want to go and have sex with other women. he's fantazising and wants it to come true. oh and it is considered cheating even though he's never met the girl or girls online. good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2006): Froggi, I get the feeling you are wondering exactly what type of relationship boundries to set here with this guy? I can't tell you that, every relationship is vastly unique as the two people, in the relationship. Judge this relationship by what you want and what your own relationship values are. Does his feelings and values match your own? Basically, the way to tell is.. how much of your time with him is spent feeling loved, appreciated, happy and respected versus how much time is spent feeling resentful and put upon, with this man. If the bad outweighs the good, you have some deep rooted problems in this relationship. It's perfectly within your right as the other equal half of this relationship, to tell him clearly and honestly about any type of behaviours he may causing you self-doubts and hurt...always remember that.
About his porn viewing. Many women hate porn and liken it to cheating and don't put up with it. Not all women will agree with that comparison. If you feel his porn viewing is okay, then you do realize that it could always play a big part of your lifestyle and future, with this man. If you accept that-then so be it. Personally, I would never tolerate porn in my own love relationship. I'm from a different generation (the 50's) where we were taught two very old fashioned words about how men should treat women. Those words are honor and respect. I do feel men should not look at 'other' women (re: porn) as simply...sexual releases. If you hate porn, if you hate his online webcam girls, then you tell him because if he wants to be a love relationship with you that will encompass respect, then he will need to learn to say 'goodbye' to this type of behaviour. Everyone has to use their head and draw boundries on what type of treatment they will or will not tolerate. Inevitably, dear..it's your decision and your choices. How well you both compromise and resolve these issues will determine success of your relationship, in the future. In resolving such issues a good rule of thumb to remember is that 'no one's needs should be sacrificed for some one's wants'. And hun, it appears your 'needs' are being put on the backburner to accomodate his 'wants'. Just my opinion..take it or leave it and Good luck to you.
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female
reader, carebear  +, writes (10 May 2006):
 NO
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A
female
reader, Froggi +, writes (10 May 2006):
Froggi is verified as being by the original poster of the question He claims that this woman must have remembered his screen name from either before he and I coupled up or from one of his online gaming sites. He is way into porn-over 100 cd's full of downloaded crap. Does this change the situation?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2006): I have to agree with most of what 'drpete' says. But I wouldn't bother finding out who the 'webcam babe" even is, dear. She obviously someone he knows if she is on his MSN contact list. He would've had to agree to putting her there in the first place. So we know he lied about her being a window 'pop-up'. So now you have a bf who lies, and gets his sexual kicks by watching women masturbate! Learn to judge a man by his behaviours and past history..NOT what he's telling you. When we choose a partner or someone to love, we choose wisely. This man cheated on his ex-wife (first red flag) and now...his webcam gf. (big blinking, neon red flag) You are right..if you do have a bad history with men it's because you do make POOR choices. But take heart, you can change all that. Be more discerning and keep your head on straight. And know what you want. Before you hand your heart over to a man, you watch, look, listen and gauge his behaviours over a long period of time. Make him prove his worthiness. There are wonderful men out there who will treat you right. Dump this ass and go find a 'real man'.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2006): If it was a regular porn site I wouldn't be so concerned but if it was on MSN messenger it means he knows the women who was doing it.
He must also know her intimately, there arn't many that would show that level of intimacy with someone over the Internet.
You arn't being paranoid. He's doing something that is very wrong. I think you should pursue this more, if he continues to lie by saying it was just a pop up window then you know he's keeping something more serious from you.
You ideally need to find out who this women is and what their relationship is.
If he can come to admit he is effectively cheating on you, you need to decide whether or not you still want to be with him. If there is a history of cheating, and you have a past where men have done this to you, you are going to need to make sure you have a strong relationship where he NEVER does this again and can properly reassure you.
I hope this works out for you and if not, I want to reassure you that there are plenty of men who will never cheat on you, no matter what. Good luck Froggi.
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