A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi.. i have a pretty big problem with my boyfriend, im 18 he's 19.i had saved myself for someone who i cared about, and that person was him.i saved myself because didn't want to be another number on some guys list of conquests, another story to tell.but after i slept with my now boyfriend he told me he had slept with a lot of other girls, 15 to be precise (not including oral or hand jobs). and he had not treated any of them well, they were purely just sex. a one night thing and thats it. just wanted to have sex with as many girls as possible. he also explained he has never orgasmed through intercourse with anyone but me. it really upsets me, he doesnt realise how hurt i am. how much his past disgusts me. i keep thinking of him with other girls. he says he's never loved anyone before but he loves me to bits. he even told me he wants to marry me some day, and has asked me to move in with him.he says he wanted to tell me the truth and be open with me, he didnt want to lie. but i feel like my saving myself has been destroyed, and it means nothing now. its always playing on my mind. i love him so much but all i ever think about is him with so many other girls. i don't know how to deal with this.can someone please help.please!
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female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (20 January 2010):
 Unless he told you a different number before you slept with him, then he was not dishonest at all. There is no indication from your comments that he ever did lie about it.I don't get why people get hung up over what someone did before they were with them instead of just focusing on what they are doing now they are together. How does him having a past change the things that made you care about him in the first place?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): I'm sorry this happened to you. It's a total violation in the worst kind. If you wana walk away from him then maybe you should. If I was in your shoes I know I would never forgive him. He owes you a debt that he can never repay.
This kind of lying about sexual histories needs to be recognized as totally unacceptable. (regardless of the gender) What this guy did was effectively rob you of your sexual choice in order to avoid suffering the consequences of some past choices that he already made for himself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): My fiance was with over 100 (yes triple digits...) when we met. He was vague and didn't tell me a round about number until after we had been together for the first time. I had only been with three men previously and all had been in the confines of secure long term relationships.
Like you, I was devastated when I found out. I deliberately forced myself to evaluate the relationship and reevaluate everything about the relationship. Aside from having more than 20 times more sexual partners than I had he was perfect for me. Most of his indiscretions occurred during a period of time in his life where he was trying to hurt as many women as possible because the woman he loved had broken his heart (childish, no?)
We've been together now almost six years now and he has never cheated or done anything that would give me any reason to think that he had even considered cheating.
You and your boyfriend sound like you have a lovely relationship aside from this one hang up. As long as you can work towards letting go of your jealousy and hurt regarding him being with other women before he met you I'm sure you can have an awesome relationship.
Also, just a little FYI: one of my best female friends confided that she has the same hang up that your boyfriend had before meeting you. When a person does not orgasm during sex (especially a man) it means that they are not comfortable with the relationship (or one night stand) that they are in. There is a good possibility that he was ashamed of what he was doing and was unable to orgasm as a result. The fact that he can achieve orgasm with you means that he trusts you and feels safe and comfortable in a relationship with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): what about stds. he has slept with 15 or more so he should be concerned about diseases. i think you need to ask him whether he used protection and go for a check up yourself.
why did he lie to you or did you not ask him prior to having sex with him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): Get over it.
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A
female
reader, moben  +, writes (19 January 2010):
he might have been some other girls' "fuck buddy" but he's your boyfriend which means so much more. Although i do understand where your coming from i think the majority of your worry is insecurity; "am i as good as them", "will he do the same to me", ect. i'd slept with only one person before i met my boyfriend, who claims to have slept with well over 20 girls (which is an accomlishment to say he's 19!) so i completely understand where your coming from but the way i see it is everyone has a past, good and bad, and if he's already experimented and slept around he now knows what he wants. if you still feel insecure i suggest you talk to your boyfriend about it and just let him know how you feel .. he isn't a mind reader babe!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): You waited and had sex with the guy of your choice. His past shouldnt matter now. You obviously saw something you liked very much about him. If the number of his ex sex partners is important to you, why didnt you ask him before sleeping together? If hes loving and faithful to you, that should be the important thing now. Try and be happy and enjoy being with him now youve made him yours x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 January 2010):
He was honest though. He could have lied. That means he actually does care about you. His past is his past. You say you care about him? Then you must accept that he has a past. Everyone comes with a past. I'm afraid you either need to try and accept it, or you need to move on. But every guy you meet will have some sort of past. You waited until you found someone you cared about, and you did the right thing. He cares about you. His past has nothing to do with your future. But if you continue to let it, you will lose him.
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