A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I satisfy my husband, but he doesn't satisfy me. What can I do? This has gone on for 20 years. I am sick of it! Now he has a heart condition and does not want sex at all. This has gone on for about 3 years. He does not even want to kiss, hold hands, or anything. He just wants to do what he wants to do (his hobbies). About fifteen years ago I started noticing hand towels on the floor under the bed. They were sticky and you know why...he was masturbating. (I never mentioned it to him, and quite frankly wonder why he would not even put the towels in the washing machine and wash them.) He used to wake me up in the middle of the night for a BJ and I obliged, but he was not interested in satisfying me. He has always been a selfish person in bed and rarely cared about me. Once he got what he wanted, he just jumped up cleaned himself off, came back to bed and covered up and fell asleep. I have been a stupid ass. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (11 March 2011):
 I agree with a lot of what other people have posted here. I think it's time to ask yourself why you never pushed your husband to fulfill your needs in the first place? Surely at some point, he was able to, otherwise my guess is you wouldn't have married in the first place. Ultimately, you've sort of let him get lazy in the past 20 years. Why shouldn't you be able to wake him up in the middle of the night and express a need for sex?While I realize his physical condition has gotten worse, there are other ways he can please you physically. Why not dress up and seduce him -- just like in the days of past.Ultimately, you need to communicate your desires to him. The only other options you have is what others have suggested: find a love on the side, buy a good vibrator, or learn to live without.You may also find it useful to peruse the bookstore or online bookstore to see if a book looks like it might offer guidance. This issue comes up quite often and probably is covered very well by professionals.Good luck.
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (10 March 2011):
 GeeGee255 provided excellent commentary, and I can offer little more except that men tend to settle into these kinds of selfish and self-serving lifestyles if "we" find a woman willing to go along with it. Some men, however, do realize that love and sexual satisfaction must be shared, not only reaped, in any relationship. Many of your statements reveal the selfish attitude of your man, notably the statement, "He has always been a selfish person in bed and rarely cared about me." Unfortunatly, this is still common in too many relationships. So, what makes you think he will ever or suddenly change?
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (10 March 2011):
 Ok firstly you must let go of the 20 years.Your needs and desires are taking center stage now, even though you've not had the tools to ask for what you wanted back than, you feel enough for yourself to want them now.His physical condition at this point and the static that has been in the bedroom will not bring an easy remedy. There are many ways you could please yourself to keep your sanity, they may even interest him. So I'd suggest a talk on insecurity and vulnerability with your man. If that gets you know where, you may have to seek counseling for both of you or just you. No you have not been a stupid ass. You are waking up to feelings you may not understand or are overwhelming. Without communication there will be no fix.I would also suggest you don't get all that rage out on him, get a personal counselor or friend or pillow.But this conversation will have to be made with faith you will get your needs met or a possible suggestion in ending the relationship. Also be aware a heart condition may be making him afraid of preforming. With all those towels that are not in hiding but for you to find, it's a hint that he can still arise to the occasion and an in for you to start talking. You have to speak up do it soon.
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (10 March 2011):
 Well the answer depends on whether you want to stay with him or not. If you don't want to leave, buy a good vibrator.
If you can, ask him to use it with you. Start by telling him that your still young and not ready to give up on sex for the rest of your life. And that there are other things he can still do to make you happy. If he is not interested maybe he would allow you to descretely seek satisfaction elsewhere. As long as you both can live with that and still stay married.
The last option is to leave and find love again with someone else. And he needs to understand that you will if he doesn't give you any other choice.
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