A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My friend, who I think of practically as my GF, and I got in to an arguement two months back. In the heat of the moment I said some things I shouldn't have and regretted it almost immediately. Afterwards I lost faith and didn't think she'd ever talk to me again. Thankfully she has. We've kept in touch via email, not nearly as often as we used to but at least we're in touch. Over that time I have begun examining who I've become, someone neither of us imagined. I have a couple issues I let enter my mind and I've spent the last two months working on them. I'm not "cured" but I'm doing much better, something she is happy to hear. Last week she finally agreed to see me in person, first chance I've had since that night-I'd-like-to-forget. I was really looking forward to it and all seemed set. I was going to finally have the opportunity to apologize in person. But early the morning of she sends me an email saying she became too stressed out over the idea of seeing me. Not only couldn't she sleep, she began to get hives, something I know she does get when she is overstressed. After sending my reply, she sends me a followup apologizing for the tone of the first email and says 'I guess I'm still mad at you and didn't know how to tell you.' I've tried to be patient and was waiting for the opporunity to see her. Only I think maybe I got a little selfish and was only concerned if she'd see me, not if she was comfortable seeing me. So, is there anything I can do other than stay in touch with her and be patient until she's comfortable at the idea of seeing me again? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): Well, I don't know.
If she is a girlfriend (meaning MUTUAL sexual attraction, acts, and ect), you act one way. If she is just a friend that you have had the hots for from time to time, you act another.
People will swear up and down that you should do the same thing either way, but there are extenuating circumstances and dynamics.
For instance, a friend, you should stay in touch with and be very supportive, but my experience hasn't shown that to be successful with an EX.
An ex, you cut off completely at least for a while, until they have buried and come to terms with anything that has come between the two of you. Trust, you apologizing 77 trillion times will not help them come to terms. They do that themselves. In fact, an apology in a way, can negatively remind them of a situation before they have resolved it in their mind and heart. A sort of emotional holding pattern of sorts, made all the more potent because of the intimate bond you two shared that was beyond that of any friend..
So which is it, a friend or an ex?
Actually, either way, I don't suggest you make the reason to see her all about this apology you feel so driven to give. Your motivation to see her should be just to see her. Have FUN, don't muck about in the past too much, if at all. Remind her why she was your friend/girlfriend/whatever in the first place.
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