A
male
age
36-40,
*ifty
writes:I am a Mechanical Engineer (graduated) who is in love with a MBA girl. I really love her a lot. But I recently did a blunder mistake. Actually her parents are very strict and she says they hate love marriages. But I hardly care about what her parents want. I just want to have her in my life, forever. And cause of this she sometimes says that I don't understand her. I really feel bad at this. Recently, I made a big mistake. While I was talking to her, she said that her parents would only want to have her marriage into a family which is richer than their own. Though she was talking generally about wat her parents think, I took it seriously. The whole night I kept on thinking wat should i do. Not being so much strong financially I thought that it would be all fine if I leave her. But the method by which i leave was to not hurt her, in any case. So, I decided to ruin my image in front of her. And the very next day, I said "I am a guy who is always interested in having sex, and would do anything 4 it. I am having a relation with you only cause i wanted to go to bed with you". All this only in text message. Cause i can't dare say anything like that face to face. No reply came 4m her side 4 a long time. And then, at this i was breaking up from inside, and was dying to hear her voice. I had not thought earlier that the consequences would be so severe on us both. And within 2 days I told her all this, that y i said like that. But now she says that she can never trust me like she did before. She says that she now feels insecure with me now.Now she only want to be my friend. Wat should i do? Please guide me. And now recently. One time earlier also. I hade broken her trust by thinking that she wasinvolved with a friend of hers. I am really very ashamed at wat i keep on doing.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): Great. Hope everything goes ok with you and your lady. Good luck, take care, be good, be honest.
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male
reader, Gifty +, writes (19 May 2008):
Gifty is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey.......She's replyin......She's replying....Oh my god I m so damn happy...Thank you....Thank you DiovanLestat , Thank you q1605 ,Thank you dannyf76, Thank youEmber13.... Thank you each and every person in this.... Love u all ...Bye.... Gotta attend her now.... Yahooooooooo...I am busy again!..... :) .....I would let you know wat she says about it all..... :)
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male
reader, Gifty +, writes (19 May 2008):
Gifty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have sent her the link to this post.....But no reply :( ......Maybe she didn't like it......Anyways,all of you take good care....Thanks for trying to help me. I would never forget the effort you all made....Thanks to 'Dearcupid.com' for giving me some space. Will be back If everything gets all right and will tell you all first. Bye. C u later. Best of luck 4 you life. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): Heck why not. I've got nothing to hide, and you've done nothing to be ashamed of. Maybe it'll help and she may have ideas of her own to change the situation.
But be carefull, she may not like the fact that you've been talking about her. Tell her you've gone for some advice and you'd like to show her if she dosen't mind.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): How about Indian Jones looking for the lost ark or the cup of the covenant.... (LOL)
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male
reader, Gifty +, writes (19 May 2008):
Gifty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionU mean I should show her all these posts? ....Would that be ok? ....You put yourself in my situation..And tell me...wat u wud do?....Please...Just once..
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): Show her these posts, so she knows you lied, and feel very sad. She'll see that you care and love her so much your willing to give up and let her go. (Stupid decision in my humble opinion.)
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male
reader, Gifty +, writes (19 May 2008):
Gifty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShould I tell her to do wat ever she wants to do?... I mean.... like this "You can do whatever you want to, I am ready to take it on myself, If u want to just be friends now, I wud always restrict myself to friends"...... I mean take whatever punishment she wants to give me 4 what i did at the present time?..
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male
reader, Gifty +, writes (19 May 2008):
Gifty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd DiovanLestat, U know she was ready to say to her parents that she will not marry anyone at present, But this only before my not so wonderful act... :( ...And now she says that she only wants friendship.... Thats y i m soooooooooooooo confused wat to do... as I let her totally down... :( ...
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male
reader, Gifty +, writes (19 May 2008):
Gifty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYa...I am planning that too..I am planning 4 an MS in Canada...That would itself take an year or so and completing it would take 2 years or so... As such... with an Bechalors degree and no experience No one can give me a job in US... No one.... But you know what she says?....She says that she does not needs anything but me.. She requires no wealth but her parents do 4 her......
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): Thanks for the compliment, (blushes) I think he's listened and with everyone's help (you give good advice) has got the idea now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): Hey q1605, I know I may come on strong, I really am a woman. A strange one, but a woman no less. I got the bits to prove it. (LOL)
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): As I said, I don't know the customs of your country. But if she loves you and knows what your doing, then she can help all she can. There's a 100 and one ways to delay marriage. She can say he's too young, his breath smells, he keeps looking at little girls, anything just to slow things down and give you both a chance.
If she is also concentrating on her future and working hard to get rich this will only help impress her parents. I don't know how much religion you like, but she can tell her parents how obedient and devout you are in your religion and how carefully and wonderfully you treat you parents. She can tell them her whole focus is on her studies and her future because you've talked to her and given her good guidance.
When you ready, then you'll both have to get together to make the hard decision to defy her parents, move away (you'll be financial independent by then) and make a life outside of the respect and support of family life. I hope it dosen't go this way, I hope that you can make her proud and just hopefull her parents will give her to you with their blessing.
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male
reader, Gifty +, writes (19 May 2008):
Gifty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLooks like DiovanLestat gave the answer I wanted..... :) .... Just tell me one thing more.... What if her parents married her to someone else in the meantime I wud be holding myself back, striving 4 a good position?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): LonelyTwo, I think your spot on as usual. We don't live in your country, we don't know your customs, but if she values the opinions and choices of her parents, then all you can do is become the man they want her to marry and show the your the best husband she'll ever have.
Q1605 has pointed out to you the error in which your acting at the moment. Your lying, your seeing her behind their backs, you make her cry. Not good, not good at all. Like everyone said, it's probably too late now anyway, you've lied to her and broke her heart.
Keep contact with her to decent levels (as defined in your country) Work hard at your studies and your job, put all your energy into showing her parents that you can provide for her. Tell her you love her and your coming for her, tell her what your doing and how your getting on. Make something of yourself, make her proud.
I don't know your religion, but in the Christian bible there's a story about a man working 7years, and then another 7years for his father-in-law just so he can be with the woman he loves. You love her you wanna be with her, well that's what you just might have to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): Don't be hard on yourself. I understand you love this woman, and she probably loves you. Now you may have scared her with your stunt, but you were under duress, it is understandable your reaction, but you need to pull yourself together and move on and make changes and draft a good path for yourself and future. You need to let this go for your own mental health, it is tearing at you, and can cause self destruction, only you can stop it, no one else.
Take care!
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male
reader, Gifty +, writes (19 May 2008):
Gifty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAm i really compromising my integrity 4 this?..Would i become petulant later?..I am really falling that low?....:(
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male
reader, Gifty +, writes (19 May 2008):
Gifty is verified as being by the original poster of the question:(
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): You can't dwell on mistakes, just learn from that so you don't repeat them, this is all we can ask from ourselves. Things will get better, just clear your head of the present and move on. Dwelling on this will only bring you down, depressed, angered at yourself. It won't help you, and will only hold you back. If it were meant to be, then it will be in the future.
Sorry! Take care, and keep your chin up!
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male
reader, Gifty +, writes (18 May 2008):
Gifty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYa... May be i should just let it go...just let her slip out my hands.... Let my Hands loose..... :( ..... But I wud not be able to forgive myself 4 wat all I did.... Never... I am like that only... Anyways...Thanks for your time friends...ANY LATER ADVICE FROM YOU WOULD BE WELCOME....
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): It appears to be out of your hands, all you can do is plan for your future, whoever that may be with, and hope during this path, something happens that there parents recognize your worthiness and lets you in. There is no miracle that will change the current situation. But not getting caught up in the what if's will have a positive affect on your future. Not doing this, could have a negative affect. This negative can be huge and unknown, and I could only speculate, and not knowing the full story of your countries history and culture, there will be things I could never know and to advise you on.
In the meantime, take a break from this, air out, do something that will make you happy, and then work on finishing school. During school, you might be able to find something to get into, politics maybe.
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male
reader, Gifty +, writes (18 May 2008):
Gifty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou Lonelytwo. But you know wat our problem is?... I am a graduate right now. If a start with a job, it wud take me 2 years to take myself to a good position being just an bechalor. If i want to show her parents something in myself... then i wud need at least 3 years..but as she is only having 2 years left before her parents wud start thinking of her marriage. And if i go abroad to study, that too will take about 3 years to settle down nicely. You have anything to say about it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): Your method isn't working, recognize it before you get into trouble with the legal system. I've heard people get killed in your country because of stuff like this, consider yourself walking on egg's.
To impress her family, then do something with your life they will be impressed with. Explain to this girl you love her, and what you did was wrong and foolish, that you were desperate to keep her and made a bog mess out of it, ask for her forgiveness. Take the whole thing slowly. If you do see her again, do so on her terms, and not what you want. Once you've won over her parents and her, then things will change for the better.
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male
reader, Gifty +, writes (18 May 2008):
Gifty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey v have had no sex till now... I have never even touched her once in two years.... I Swear by the name of god!
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male
reader, Gifty +, writes (18 May 2008):
Gifty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Lonelytwo... Please don't say like that.. I really want just her in my life... I love her a lottttt.... That is y i want to work at it...... i made a big mistake ... And i know i would learn 4 it...Ya.. In India... parents are the one who decide whats best 4 their children and would always want to choose the partner 4 their child. They decision is of a huge importance to us.
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male
reader, Gifty +, writes (18 May 2008):
Gifty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Danny, Ur idea is really very good. But she never wants to stay out long with me cause of the fear that someone will see her with me and tell her parents. How can i make her go to a meal or cinema or something like that after wat i did?..any suggestions?... I don't think she would agree upon this. She does not even want to meet me cause of wat i did. Your answer is really very good....Thanks danny....:)
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): You screwed up, and hopefully you'll learn a big lesson from this. You were self centered in refusing to acknowledge and accept what she and her parents told you. You need to move on! By the way, is it custom in your country to offer the girl's parents a diary? If so, maybe you need to brush up on this aspect and be careful in the future who you are attracted to.
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female
reader, Ember13  +, writes (18 May 2008):
That wasn't a good move at all. Perhaps you just did it to let her off "easily" but it completely ruins your image and reputation. If a guy sent me that msg I wouldn't trust him either. I don't know what you can do to make things better but I'm sure it'll take a lot of work b/c if that was me, I'd feel very crappy for having been used just for sex.
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male
reader, dannyf76  +, writes (18 May 2008):
hello , i think u made a mistake saying what u said to her.
she leaved u because she felt used and betrayed!have u tried taking her on a meal or to the cinema to make up for this.prove to that the text u sent her was not the real you!
i think u need to show her the real u.but this will happen in all good time give it a couple of months!and u never no she might understand and come to you!
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