A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:i just wanted to know everyones opinion... do you think sex on the first night is wrong?? ive been talking to alot of people about this and everyone has mixed views, I'm not sure what exactly guys look for? do they all look for a quick shag on the first night? Or do they want a challenge?? Also if a guy tries to have sex with you on the first night how do i let him down without seeming too fridget?? How exactly can you make yourself seem like a challenge to a guy??? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): No matter when the encounter takes place... whether it be the first night or a month down the line- your best friend or a new interest... the first time will always have an awkward moment!! Make time for good conversation before sex- leaving a lasting impression- as well as making sure you are impressed. Be a chameleon- make him want ur company not just your sex. Dont cheat the moment with regrets.. if he doesnt call again-you probably wasnt impressed either! Protect yourself and always respect yourself!!!!
~Ms. Bee
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): No matter when the encounter takes place... whether it be the first night or a month down the line- your best friend or a new interest... the first time will always have an awkward moment!! Make time for good conversation before sex- leaving a lasting impression- as well as making sure you are impressed. Be a chameleon- make him want ur company not just your sex. Dont cheat the moment with regrets.. if he doesnt call again-you probably wasnt impressed either! Protect yourself and always respect yourself!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2006): atleast you should know about ten tips of sex
CommunicateCommunication with your lover is the most important factor for not only a satisfying sexual relationship but for a relationship in general. If you do not communicate with your partner you can’t be satisfied. Many people falsely believe that their lover can read their mind or that they should instinctively know how to please them. This is a very destructive belief for not only the sex, but also the relationship as a whole. Speak openly, directly and honestly. Be specific. Tell your partner where, when and how to touch you. Describe how much pressure, how much speed and the timing you need. Tell them what, when and how to say what you need to hear etc. Let them know when it feels good and when it doesn’t. Good communication involves the expression of feelings. Discuss your feelings, needs, desires, fears, embarrassments, expectations in and out of the bedroom in regard to all aspects of the relationship. Good communication will increase intimacy and greater intimacy will lead to greater sex.
2. Be an Unselfish LoverBe a selfless lover (meaning your goal is your pure desire to give your partner the pleasure they desire.) Don’t take each other for granted, which is easy to do if you have been together for a while and will kill your passion. Don’t pleasure your lover according to what feels good for you, give them what you know they enjoy. Always tend to your partners needs as well as your own and you will be considered a good lover. Spend one lovemaking session devoted entirely to your lover. Make them feel special and cherished. Express your love and appreciation freely and frequently outside of the bedroom as well as inside the bedroom. Don’t assume your lover knows how you feel. It needs to be verbalized. Say I love you or you are so beautiful, or you feel so good. Everyone wants to feel loved, valued and appreciated. Remember that what occurs outside the bedroom greatly impacts what will occur in the bed.
3. Seek VarietyAs the saying goes Variety is the spice of Life, and boredom is one of the main causes of unfaithfulness. If you keep a lot of variety in your positions and activities, you will never be bored. There are numerous books and videos that can give you new suggestions or be creative and use your imagination. Try having sex in different places of the house or in a bathroom at the gas station, restaurant or some other place that is very exciting for you where you won’t get caught. Take a shower with your lover and use your hands as the washrag. Soap them up and explore every inch, nook and cranny of their body. Savor them as if they were a fine a wine. This will elicit erotic, sensual, spiritual and physical energy in both of you and will also serve as a tool to help you learn invaluable information about one another’s bodies. Get naked outside and make wild passionate love. I don’t believe there is anything more freeing, arousing and spiritual than being naked outside and to make love with the feel of the elements upon your body. It gets you in touch with the primal basics and elicits uninhibited passions. Do things that are unique for you as a couple and you can keep the variety and spice while remaining a monogamous couple. Change your routine.
4. Be Spontaneous and AdventurousSurprise your lover with something unusual and kinky. Yes Kinky! Be outrageous and adventurous. Show up at their work for lunch naked under your coat and flash them. Send them an invitation to a hotel for a hot night of sex. Role play one of your fantasies. Tell them you must have them at some unusual spot and take them passionately. Women, try not wearing your panties and bra and go through your daily activities. Not having a bra and panties on is very stimulating and will make you feel very sexy and erotic. Tell your partner that you aren’t wearing any and you will drive them absolutely wild with the thought of it.
5. Be Present in the Here and Now.Fully experience each touch, sensation, smell, movement, sound and taste while you are making love. Don’t allow your mind to slip into thoughts about work, children or fixing dinner etc. Stay completely focused on your partner and your experience. Allow yourself to become totally immersed in the pleasurable sensations you are giving and receiving.
6. Know Your Own Body and DesiresIf you don’t know what excites you and pleases you, then your lover can’t either. Explore your own body and discover what you like and don’t like. Find out what arouses you and makes you roar. Make love with yourself. You can really drive your lover wild by allowing them to watch you pleasure yourself.
7. Make Sex a Priority Relationships are the most important aspect of our lives and sex is a crucial component of your intimate relationship. Make time for lovemaking. Don’t push it off. It should be one of the biggest priorities in your life. When sex is pushed aside desire and passion will dwindle. The more you engage in sex the more your desire will grow.
8. Pursue Your Lover with Unbridled PassionIt is a great aphrodisiac for both female and male to see and feel desire and passion in their lover’s eyes and actions. Let your lover know how deeply you want them. Tear their clothes off and take them passionately. Let them hear you delight in them. When making love, tell them how much you enjoy their body or how good they feel to you. Let loose with total abandon.
9. Know Your Partner’s Hot ZonesTaking the time to learn what makes your lovers motor run is one of the most important ingredients for great sex. You can never know your lover too much. Pay attention to when and what your lover responds to and learn what they need. Store it in your mind and be sure to use it frequently. When your lover is pleasured and satisfied then they want to reciprocate and please you even more, and thus sexual satisfaction is heightened for both partners. When you know how to please your lover, their desire for you increases and they will want sex more often. Knowing your partner and making a point to please them is an act of love; it shows them they are important to you and that you care about their needs. You should know your lovers love buttons like the back of your hand.
10. Be an Oral ConnoisseurBeing a skilled oral lover is a very important component of a couple’s sexual relationship for both the male and the female. There are few things more pleasurable for either man or woman than to be savored, devoured and satisfied orally by their lover. It is one of the most intimate gifts we can give one another. Pleasuring your lover orally has become an integral part of lovemaking. One of the great aspects of oral sex is that it can be a part of foreplay or the main course and there are so many ways to explore it. Giving oral pleasure to your lover is an ultimate act of unselfishness, giving, caring and loving.
by ZIA-UR-REHMAN
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2006): atleast you should know about ten tips of sex
CommunicateCommunication with your lover is the most important factor for not only a satisfying sexual relationship but for a relationship in general. If you do not communicate with your partner you can’t be satisfied. Many people falsely believe that their lover can read their mind or that they should instinctively know how to please them. This is a very destructive belief for not only the sex, but also the relationship as a whole. Speak openly, directly and honestly. Be specific. Tell your partner where, when and how to touch you. Describe how much pressure, how much speed and the timing you need. Tell them what, when and how to say what you need to hear etc. Let them know when it feels good and when it doesn’t. Good communication involves the expression of feelings. Discuss your feelings, needs, desires, fears, embarrassments, expectations in and out of the bedroom in regard to all aspects of the relationship. Good communication will increase intimacy and greater intimacy will lead to greater sex.
2. Be an Unselfish LoverBe a selfless lover (meaning your goal is your pure desire to give your partner the pleasure they desire.) Don’t take each other for granted, which is easy to do if you have been together for a while and will kill your passion. Don’t pleasure your lover according to what feels good for you, give them what you know they enjoy. Always tend to your partners needs as well as your own and you will be considered a good lover. Spend one lovemaking session devoted entirely to your lover. Make them feel special and cherished. Express your love and appreciation freely and frequently outside of the bedroom as well as inside the bedroom. Don’t assume your lover knows how you feel. It needs to be verbalized. Say I love you or you are so beautiful, or you feel so good. Everyone wants to feel loved, valued and appreciated. Remember that what occurs outside the bedroom greatly impacts what will occur in the bed.
3. Seek VarietyAs the saying goes Variety is the spice of Life, and boredom is one of the main causes of unfaithfulness. If you keep a lot of variety in your positions and activities, you will never be bored. There are numerous books and videos that can give you new suggestions or be creative and use your imagination. Try having sex in different places of the house or in a bathroom at the gas station, restaurant or some other place that is very exciting for you where you won’t get caught. Take a shower with your lover and use your hands as the washrag. Soap them up and explore every inch, nook and cranny of their body. Savor them as if they were a fine a wine. This will elicit erotic, sensual, spiritual and physical energy in both of you and will also serve as a tool to help you learn invaluable information about one another’s bodies. Get naked outside and make wild passionate love. I don’t believe there is anything more freeing, arousing and spiritual than being naked outside and to make love with the feel of the elements upon your body. It gets you in touch with the primal basics and elicits uninhibited passions. Do things that are unique for you as a couple and you can keep the variety and spice while remaining a monogamous couple. Change your routine.
4. Be Spontaneous and AdventurousSurprise your lover with something unusual and kinky. Yes Kinky! Be outrageous and adventurous. Show up at their work for lunch naked under your coat and flash them. Send them an invitation to a hotel for a hot night of sex. Role play one of your fantasies. Tell them you must have them at some unusual spot and take them passionately. Women, try not wearing your panties and bra and go through your daily activities. Not having a bra and panties on is very stimulating and will make you feel very sexy and erotic. Tell your partner that you aren’t wearing any and you will drive them absolutely wild with the thought of it.
5. Be Present in the Here and Now.Fully experience each touch, sensation, smell, movement, sound and taste while you are making love. Don’t allow your mind to slip into thoughts about work, children or fixing dinner etc. Stay completely focused on your partner and your experience. Allow yourself to become totally immersed in the pleasurable sensations you are giving and receiving.
6. Know Your Own Body and DesiresIf you don’t know what excites you and pleases you, then your lover can’t either. Explore your own body and discover what you like and don’t like. Find out what arouses you and makes you roar. Make love with yourself. You can really drive your lover wild by allowing them to watch you pleasure yourself.
7. Make Sex a Priority Relationships are the most important aspect of our lives and sex is a crucial component of your intimate relationship. Make time for lovemaking. Don’t push it off. It should be one of the biggest priorities in your life. When sex is pushed aside desire and passion will dwindle. The more you engage in sex the more your desire will grow.
8. Pursue Your Lover with Unbridled PassionIt is a great aphrodisiac for both female and male to see and feel desire and passion in their lover’s eyes and actions. Let your lover know how deeply you want them. Tear their clothes off and take them passionately. Let them hear you delight in them. When making love, tell them how much you enjoy their body or how good they feel to you. Let loose with total abandon.
9. Know Your Partner’s Hot ZonesTaking the time to learn what makes your lovers motor run is one of the most important ingredients for great sex. You can never know your lover too much. Pay attention to when and what your lover responds to and learn what they need. Store it in your mind and be sure to use it frequently. When your lover is pleasured and satisfied then they want to reciprocate and please you even more, and thus sexual satisfaction is heightened for both partners. When you know how to please your lover, their desire for you increases and they will want sex more often. Knowing your partner and making a point to please them is an act of love; it shows them they are important to you and that you care about their needs. You should know your lovers love buttons like the back of your hand.
10. Be an Oral ConnoisseurBeing a skilled oral lover is a very important component of a couple’s sexual relationship for both the male and the female. There are few things more pleasurable for either man or woman than to be savored, devoured and satisfied orally by their lover. It is one of the most intimate gifts we can give one another. Pleasuring your lover orally has become an integral part of lovemaking. One of the great aspects of oral sex is that it can be a part of foreplay or the main course and there are so many ways to explore it. Giving oral pleasure to your lover is an ultimate act of unselfishness, giving, caring and loving.
by ZIA-UR-REHMAN
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2006): For girls first night brings fewer difficulties than boys, mentally and physically it’s easier for them to accept their body. Boys are much more shy and with complexes. They’re worried about what to do and how and often experience premature ejaculation or lack of erection because of that. Often then erection ends there’s a situation when both are ready for their first intercourse, but guys “little friend” goes “asleep”. Guy is ashamed of that; inferiority complex about his manhood develops and often doesn’t want to see that girl anymore because he’s embarrassed of what happened. This is how psychological problem for both of them occurs. What to do in such a situation? Both, girl and boy have to accept this situation as a normal reaction on stress. Fact that boy’s “little friend” is not hard anymore doesn’t me he doesn’t like her but even opposite – he’s too excited and worried. They should go on with expressions of their affection and work toward their intercourse.
Premature ejaculation causes emotions not less. Boy might think that it’s huge embarrassment and shame and he’s feeling inferior. Premature ejaculation also is a physiological process. Boy just has to relax and start from the beginning. If such a problem is persisting, it’s recommended for both partners to spend more time naked together. For example sun bath together, after shower walk around the house naked for a while, etc.. This way, seeing his partner naked, boy wouldn’t have too big excitement.
For girls there’s advice not to give any comments about size of her partner’s penis or compare it with her ex-partner.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2006): First night sex is not prerequisite for marriage if you are confortable with the partner and both are normal than you can go for a sex.some people think that first night sex is very important and they consider it precondition for marriage success.This idea is absolute wrong.
FROM: ZIA-UR-REHMAN MISSISSAUGA, ON CANADA
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A
male
reader, dogpound4012 +, writes (11 September 2006):
It's a matter of opinion,My feelings on your question is,If 2 people hit it off on the first date and have sex it could be lust.I can only speak from my way of life.I could not have sex with anyone that i don't feel something for.If i had sex on the first date when i call you for #2 i would be hurt if i was cast aside.I am not known for sleeping around.Life is just to short and their are way to many diseases out there.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (9 September 2006):
 There is no absolute right or wrong when it comes to this.
Personally I don't like it or do it, really because I think you have no idea who you are having sex with... you've only just met them. That would make sex on a first date with someone you've known a while a different situation... so for me it's more about if you know the person or not, not how many dates you've been on.
I can tell you that quite a few men will think of you as cheap or easy or sluttish if you do. Whether or not that is reasonable or right, it can cause issues. It can also cause issues in future relationships if your boyfriend knows and doesn't like that you did it in the past. It can be a lot harder to hide this than you might think. I have been through months of therapy to try to deal with the jealousy I suffered when my girlfriend told me that she had done this. It may still split us up, which would be a tragedy for both of us.
So do it if you like, but know that there can sometimes be unwanted consequences. And if you do, be careful who you do it with, random strangers can sometimes be more than you bargained for.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (9 September 2006):
 It is not 'wrong' because it depends on the individual circumstances. I disagree with some of the posts that it will be perceived as you being 'cheap' or 'easy'. It doesn't mean you won't go on to a relationship, but then if you don't sleep with them then you are not guaranteed a relationship either. If you do sleep with someone on a first date, then if they brand you as 'cheap' what does that say about them? It takes two to tango...and if they are dinosaurs up for the challenge of seducing women in their caves then they are not exactly fantastic boyfriend material. OK...confession time...I may have got seriously frisky with my husband when we first went out because I just thought of him as a bit of a fling and I really fancied him as soon as I saw him. I wouldnt let him take me home on the first night but my self control somewhat slipped the second time we met!
I never even bothered to get in touch afterwards as I saw it as just a fling...but he made an effort to knock my door down and we ended up married. We talked about it afterwards and he said he didn't think anything of it as he just wanted to know me and we never played games with each other. When men are into you then they will pursue you to the ends of the earth.
I think there is a lot of game playing and impression management in modern day dating...those dodgy American 'how to date' books have a LOT to answer for! My point is that you should do whatever you personally feel comfortable with. Don't even try to be a 'challenge' or play games - if you have to resort to that then your long term relationship ambitions with the guy are doomed (and the same goes if they act this way with you). Long term relationships are based around people you feel natural around, who accept you just for who you are and don't judge you for what you do (that goes for friends as much as partners). Most people have a lapse in self control from time to time and end up in bed with someone in unorthodox circumstances. If you were sleeping with every first date then perhaps it would be time to rethink why you are doing that (...sexual thrill verses trying to please them too much). If you make the odd slip up then try not to be too hard on yourself - we live in a modern age after all and women are entitled to sexual liberation. But don't worry about being perceived as 'frigid' either...it is a word used by very sad men who prefer to blame women than face up to their own lack of sexual charm. Just relax in this dating game - when you meet someone who is truely right for you then you will just know, they will know and you won't have to be a 'challenge' in any sense of the word.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2006): Not wrong, if all you want is sex. But, if you want the guy, it's the worst thing you can do. The guy will think you of as Cheap.
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A
female
reader, midgetgem +, writes (8 September 2006):
 Personally I've had sex on the first date a hell of a lot in the past. At the time it was great and achieved what I wanted to achieve i.e. sexual release, a bit of fun and some self affirmation ... without it having to get too serious. Didn't do my reputation a great deal of good though!!
Problem is there is quite often feelings involved, granted not always on your part but problems can often result from wanting a 'quick shag'.
All men are different and you can't always say that the guy who has you on the first night will dissappear or that the guy who waits will be 'the one'.
Best thing is to go with your gut feeling. If it feels right with the guy then go for it, as long as you know the sexual history and take precautions.
Don't just jump into bed with someone straight away cos, chances are, he WILL think you're cheap.
Take this as advice from someone who's been ther and sone it!
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A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (8 September 2006):
 My dear its one of those situations where everyone will have a different opinion, some see it as wrong in terms of their moral beliefs etc etc, I am not going to sit here and say "well I think its wrong" or "I think its fine" my dearm you have your own conscience, you need to decide for yourself what is right and wrong. Some men may indeed want sex the first night, some are prepared to wait, it depends on the individual. Take care. xXx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006): i think the guy may think ur easy if u have sex wiht him on the first night n well from experience some guys look for a one night stand or meaningfull realtiosnhip with love and then sex. n dunno how ya can seem lke a challenge play hard to get n basically say u aint ready for sex and if u aint ready u should not care if the lad calls u fridget
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A
female
reader, Ms. Tanya +, writes (8 September 2006):
 My veiws are that you don't want to seem to easy for him you want to challenge him, but don't be cold to him, or else he'll think your to much work, so you have to strike a balance between taking it slow and playing hard to catch and satisfieing him with his rewards in putting effort into you. So no sex on the first night, a kiss is okay if you really like him and want to hold his attention, but don't make him think he can get it whenever he wants it.
G'luck hun.
~Ms. Tanya
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