A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am a female aged 49 and got very fond of a guy I met as friends only on holiday. However on returning we e mailed a few times and then he got cross in one and I retaliated-which of course is stupid. I would still like to be friends with him as I Liked him so much and feel terrible as he lsot his wife only two years ago.I know its all my fault as I can understand he is not over it all yet and I am not blaming him at all. How can I apologise really sincerely and say it was all my fault because I got fond of him and quite rightly he isnt ready. I feel terribly guilty and so upset for upsetting him. Please help. he likes ballroom dancing and felt unconfident-what if I sent him a book on that to help him get his life back on track-even if he doesnt want me I only want him to be happy. Please help I knwo I have to possibly move on but I would like to say I am sorry and show I really mean it even if its goodbye.ThanksTina
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female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 Hi, From your letter, you realize that you made a mistake, sometimes we let our emotions get the better of us. That is what I would say to him, explain that you are extremely sorry and that you have felt terrible, since the time you sent him the e-mail being mean. Let him know that you apologize and only want the best for him, ask for his forgiveness, if he is able to forgive you. You didn't cut him with a weapon, though it may have hurt him emotionally, but he did strike out at you first, so it's a two way street here. So do all you can, in an e-mail to him, explaining the entire thing. If he has a good heart, hopefully he does, he will be able to forgive your actions. If he does, then take it slow from there, let him do the reaching out. I would not send him a gift, as it could be perceived as trying to buy back his friendshiip at this time or a bribe. You want him to forgive you, based on general principles not because you bought him something, if you understand what I mean. If you have already sent it, then what's done is done. If not, I suggest again, that you don't. Take it easy with this, it could work out, it could not, but remember this , if he is unable to forgive you, an inadvertant remark, intentional or unintentional, there will be other, larger things that he might have to forgive, and this episode is letting you look into, how he would behave in the future. Everybody does something stupid every now and then. You want someone with a forgiving heart as you should be. Be good to yourself, and don't beat yourself up over this. Let time take its course. Take care always. Stay in touch.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): Well that was slightly insensitive wasn't it?!
*By the way that tone was slightly light-hearted*
The best thing is your open about it. But now you need to sort it.
Loosing a spouse is a AWFUL experience, that one couldn't actually imagine without going through it. Someone I know and care about a lot, husband's died years ago, when I was still a toddler. She still frequently mentions him, gets upset at moments and it has changed her life.
She hasn't been with anyone else as such as far as I know...
Now you need to e-mail him explaining everything. If I were you, I'd seriously, seriously, SERIOUSLY back off from him. It isn't a possibly thing. You can keep in touch obviously, but stay away. Support him. If you really care and like him you'd want him to be happy.
Of course make it clear that your not doing this because you want him but because you want to make it right and thats what friends do.
If your 'fond' of him, it'll be hard to let go. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. It makes me upset thinking about what I'm going to have to do by the end of this week...
So friendship and keeping in touch is the best thing. Again just a simple e-mail back does tend to solve everything. I can't dictate what to say, which I tend to do and feel stupid doing it because theres only so much you can assume. You just have to let everything you feel out, but remember, back off.
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (1 July 2008):
 Hi hun
If he liked the ballroom dancing but lacked confidence sweetheart then that may be a nice idea, Or you could get a card and tell him the truth of how very sorry you are and as you put in your question you only want him to be happy and you understand why he got upset, You can only hope that he accepts this apology as you say he is probably still grieving and when we have this kind of emotion inside it can come out in so many different ways love. You are sorry and you dont want to hurt this man so just say it from the heart I hope this helps TAKE CARE WITH LOTS OF LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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