A
male
age
41-50,
*hris b1
writes:Hello all please don't hate or judge me for this as i hate myself enough i need urgent advice here is the story:I had a ex for 8yrs and had two great kids the relationship broke down and i left but supported my kids i met a new girl who helped me through a bad patch of my life and got me on my feet. a year into the relationship i was engaged to be married to her but was going to see my kids at the weekend one weekend i slept with my ex and regreted it straight away i tryed to put it down to a mistake and put it all behind me and married the girl i was with and never told her but after my ex blackmailed me and used the kids as weponds i could not let my kids have anything to do with my wife and found i was lyeing to keep the secret even over little things as well as money ect ect after 1yr 6 months of marrage it got too much and i moved out and then my wife rang my ex and found out the truth now we are getting a divorce but i feel the dark cloud has gone and i can be me and show her i love her we have been apart 5 months now and we talk a little i know i will be faithful and did not brake my vows but she wants the divorce as the marrage was tainted she is asking for time now to see how she feels as she has had bad news every day since i left but i love her so and i know all she wanted was to be loved her kids hate me and her mum does too. I do love her with all my heart and i made the biggest mistake of my life but it is my wife i want to spend my life with forever. I have too see my ex coz of my kids my wife says to give her time but has alot of other probs to sort out which is true I ve done all i can i ve sent flowers i ve spent days and days on fb just to be there for her and 1500 messages l8er and alot of phone calls i have recived the divorce paticion today so i am so down. please help me i am human i may be a pratt but my love is true and will allways remain true for her what do i do next please help!!!!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (25 October 2011):
I'm sorry but all your professions of love for your wife ring hollow considering that you cheated on her and then lied about it for over a year and half. After you cheated on her, you decided to "put it all behind you" and proceeded to marry her. You essentially hoodwinked her into marrying you, by with holding important information from her on who she is getting involved with. You with held from her important information that she had a right to know so she could have made the decision whether the marriage should have proceeded or not.
And then after you were married you continued to hold onto that secret until it couldn't be covered up any longer. I'm sorry but this is not just one mistake and you're trying to minimize what you did. This is a series of mistakes.
I don't think you can do anything to get your wife back at this point. You had 1 yr and 6 months of marriage in which to own up, come clean and do away with the lies and dishonesty even though it would have risked the marriage ending. But you didn't do that. And before that, you had all that time in between when you cheated and when you got married to your wife to own up and come clean. The longer the lies go on, the deeper the hurt and betrayal to her.
You should just accept that your marriage is probably over, and learn from your mistakes - it wasn't just ONE mistake, it was a series of bad decisions that led to where you are now - so that you dont' repeat this in the future if you get into another relationship or marriage.
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