A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is mainly about the relationship with myself. That might sound selfish, but please bear with me. Thanks.I regret so much from high school and I think about it so much that I sometimes get angry with myself. But I hold it all in because I know nobody truly cares. I shouldn't even care because it's the past and I can't change that. But that's what angers me so much about it! I do not act like I'm still in high school; I realise that I do have to grow up and get over it, but I'm only a year out of high school, so I remember things. Plus, I had a weird reputation (not a slutty one or a bitchy one... just a 'Wow, I just didn't like her and I don't know why' one).I regret not telling my ex best friend's boyfriend off sooner (he's a major asshole!). I regret not breaking up with my cheater ex-boyfriend sooner than I did. I regret the last few months because I kept having sex with my ex while he was fucking three other girls. I regret my high school academic record (I literally got D's and F's throughout high school). I regret doing poorly on the ACT the first, second, and third times. I regret not being part of any clubs in high school. I regret not trying out for any sports teams in high school. I regret spacing out so much in high school and not giving a shit. I regret disappointing my parents throughout high school. I regret never dressing nicely in high school. I regret not getting an okay-paying job until my senior year of high school.I regret so much that I can't stand it sometimes. I just hate almost everything I did and did not do in high school. Sometimes I want to cry because of it all!How do I get over all of this like I'm supposed to? Please help!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): You usually won't regret mistakes for years and years when you really didn't know any better at the time you made the mistake. You tend to regret the times when deep down at least part of you knew better, and you didn't listen to it. If you spend this much energy on the past then you'll eventually regret things that you wish you had done NOW. And not only that, but you have just read what we are saying about it. So you've been warned. It means that "part of you knows better" about it already. So listen to that part, and get on with your life.
A
male
reader, Dhumph +, writes (8 June 2009):
You cannot spend a lot of time trying to win battles that you have lost already. You can only look at the struggles that lie ahead.
To improve your future job prospects, go to your local community college and sign up for a part-time remedial program, with the idea that you will work part time and go to school part time.
To improve your self-esteem, volunteer someplace. Show up at a soup kitchen, pitch in at a no-kill animal shelter, volunteer at a nursing home. Your friends will raise their opinion of you, your parents will treat you better, and you will feel better about yourself.
Avoid being judgmental about things like your friend's friends. They are what they are, and they are unlikely to change because you lash out at them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): First, you're not alone. I know other people (myself very much included) who continue to cringe over things in their past -- in my case, sometimes 30 years ago. So any 'advice' I give you on this comes from someone who's still struggling with the same issues. But what I want to emphasize is the importance of figuring it out -- because I know first hand just how corrosive not letting go is.
It seems to me that the best approach you can take is to try to see what lesson you can learn from each of these. I take it you knew that your ex was with the other girls, but slept with him anyway, and that this isn't something that made you feel good about yourself. So maybe the lesson to take away is to be true to yourself and not give in to pressure from others.
You regret the lousy grades you earned. You're probably living with the consequences of that now -- poor job prospects, limited opportunity for further education, or maybe having to repeat some courses to bring your grades up. The lesson -- don't piss away an opportunity.
Wallowing in regret doesn't help, as you know. You've recognized some of your mistakes. Now, don't make the same mistakes again! It's not a total loss as long as you learn from it. Remember: Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): I think we all have regrets in our lives. I think we learn from our mistakes. Use that time in your life as a lesson and how you don't want to be anymore. You can better yourself everyday. Dont dwell in the past, that is what it is, the past. You can use that to know how you don't want to be. A lesson learned. You are young enough to make a difference in someone's life, whether it's a big brother/sister program, get involved in a church group, a community group, ect. You can go to your reunion in 10 years a totally different person. If you want to better your education go to a vocational school , community college or university. The more you accomplish the better you will feel. I hope this helps..xoxo
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