A
female
age
41-50,
*osehanna
writes: i really hav a mess sex life with my husband,i tried all i could,i tried to talk to him about counseling either but he keep on saying we don't we hav problem to take to counseling and he says that's just wast of money,we had been tryiny to make our married work for years now but there's no change at all, and now am tired of trying the same thing nowing it won't work,i took disition to my self but i dont know how to start telling him i want to leave him,honnest it that i care about him and love him as a good friend but am not inlove with him anymore and that is difficult to deel with it, and by not being inlove with him,it's driving me away start and cheating,i think as good friend he deserve better than cheating,but how do i tell him i want divorce?????am also worried how he gonna take it and his reaction to,please help
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (28 December 2009):
This is what works with a man who doesnt listen: you don't start by telling him suddenly that you want a divorce. That can be too much of a shock and he will fight too hard for you; he might cry and plead and you might end up feeling sorry for him. Instead, you tell him that you would like to separate for a month to give you both time to think about the relationship. That month will also give you time to see if you really want to go ahead with the divorce because a divorce (even if you don't love your partner), is the most painful thing to do. It is a last resort. Maybe a month will also give him time to think about solving some of the issues you have raised. If after the one month separation you are still decided that you don't want him, then try discuss the issue of the divorce or if he is not ready to hear it (you judge by your knowledge of him), tell him you need more time to think, then try again a month later. This method eases him out, if he is an overly emotional balloon, this method deflates him rather than pops him suddenly. I was married to the type of man who threatens suicide when he would think I was leaving but I eased him out over a few months like this without too much drama.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2009): Dear Rosehanna,Your circumstance is regretable. I respectfully disagree with EmilyAnswers to the extent that she writes you don't love him because the message you wrote implies that you do love him. I also disagree with Emily about asking for divorce in a public place. In my opinion, asking for divorce is a private issue. The fear that you might feel in asking for what you want is secondary to the privacy that you both deserve in discussing an important issue about your marriage - and you are still his wife and he your husband. First thing to do is to go talk with a divorce lawyer about your situation. Second, you can go to counselling yourself - without him.Third, in my opinion, you can express to him your desire for divorce but you must first make it perfectly clear to him that you do love him, that you want him to succeed, that you want him to be happy. It would also be a good personal strategy to compliment him on his most admirable qualities prior to asking for divorce. At that point tell him that you want a divorce because you cannot tolerate the sex - in spite of all his other admirable qualities. If you believe he will harm you physically, then make arrangement for a friend to stand by with a cell phone during time you confront him. Instruct your friend to call police if she detects any trouble or does not hear from you within 20 minutes. And you call her if the meeting goes well.good luck
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (27 December 2009):
You just have to tell him. You don't love him any more and you think it's time to end this.
If you are scared of him then do it with someone else in the house. Or in a public place.
You just have to be honest and get it over with. There is no easy way to do it.
Good Luck!! xx
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