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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: HiI am 38 and have been married for 4 years (hubby is same age). It is both of ours' second marriage. There is 2 children. One 7y from my previous marriage and one of 2y that we had together.Our sexlife has never been massively passionate. More like comfortable. Past year or so it has dwindled to once every 2 weeks.I would like more, but am ok with it. We get along fine otherwise and he is very good to me.Recently have been noticing used condoms in bin. Turns out he masturbates (likes to do it in condom, because he doesnt like mess), when I am sitting in study working etc.I have not gained weight or become ugly overnight.LAter at night when we are in bed, he "doesnt feel like it" anymore.Before I was ok with the fact that his sex drive was lower than mine. But now I am wondering now if it is that he is just not finding me exciting anymore (also wondering if he ever did). So masturbating with a mag, or pics on his cell phone is apparently better than sex with me :'-(I would like to have sex you know, before I get too old and forget what it is like.If my husband wont oblige (and we know his sexdrive is good enough if there is a picture of naked girl in his mind), what can I do?I mean you dont divorce someone who you get along with and is good with the children, for sex! That is crazy!What do I do? I have once asked to have more sex. And he says he is too tired, or it looks as if I dont want to, or he finds me sexy but not every night, or that it is normal for things to die down at our age...I dont want to nag. But I really want to know why he would rather masturbate than sleep with me?Is it normal???
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): I agree with person that he might have a porn addiction. That stuff can hurt intimacy. It turns sex into something you do just to make yourself happy and for the personal thrill. He doesn't put the condom on because he doesn't like the mess. There are a lot of other ways to fix that. He's doing it to help with imagining having sex with the naked bodies he's seeing. Essentially, he's being selfish. Tell him if he wants to look at porn, he can be intimate with you instead. Ironically, he is not even being denied sex.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (29 December 2009):
 Why not try being more enthusiastic before you jump to the conclusion he doesn't want you? I know you feel like you've tried, but it isn't at the point of no return yet. If he's already masturbated by evening and you want him, jump him when he wakes up! Why not wake him by being naked and kissing him really passionately? Lots of guys are horny in the mornings and will be receptive. Just make sure you do it when you both have time to spare, like on a weekend. Or pounce him in the shower and have some shower sex. Buy some sexy lingerie and strut around in it. You are NOT "too old" for sex. You're pretty never too old for sex. Guys can literally ejaculate for a minute or so AFTER their heart stops beating. And you don't need to worry, I don't think anyone ever gets too old and forgets! Why do you think they make viagra and lube?
However, if the tackling him in passion and lingerie don't work, he may have a problem with porn addiction or masturbation addiction. When a man consistently chooses his hand or porn over his wife, there is clearly a problem. You'll need to sit him down and have a real talk. If talking about how much it bothers you doesn't work, he may need therapy. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 December 2009):
He may be stressed, and unable to perform in bed and it's worrying him. I would suggest you talk to him again. Remind him you are a woman! But have patience, because he may have problem and it can be very embarrassing.
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