A
male
age
36-40,
*usicman340
writes:hey im 26 and my girlfriends 20 . we have been together for 3 years we had our ups and downs but we are pretty good now. we have a baby together. i wanna have a threesome. perferably another girl. but i wouldnt mind if it was another dude. im not gay or anything but i watch my share of porn and see stuff like that. i mentioned it to my gf before and she was a little i yi yi about the idea . how do i mention it again without her being like ok wtf? i really want this to happen..
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): i was told by my fiance that his ultimate fantisy is for a 3 some with me and another girl, it totaly shocked me because, i dont know why but even when women friends try to cuddle me and when drunk try to kiss me, it makes my skin crawl, and also to watch my fiance enjoying sex with the other girl would be too much for me to handle and know for a fact that our now strong relationship would no longer be strong as id have resentment, so my answer is ONLY DO IT IF YOU ARE REALLY SECURE AND CAN PUT UP WITH KNOWING THAT HE MAY OR/NOT ENJOY THE OTHER WOMAN MORE, i think its one of those fantisys that should stay a fantasy, to me its more of a porn thing, but each to there own, but if you have "ANY DOUBTS" then DONT its not worth losing the relationship for!!!!!
A
male
reader, insrchof +, writes (15 June 2010):
 The only way that it won't wreck your relationship is if it's someone you both don't know and won't see again. Best if it's done out of town. Otherwise, you, her and the other may want more from the other. Don't risk it if you don't want to lose anything.
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female
reader, laetitia  +, writes (15 June 2010):
 I had an ex bf ask me the same thing - to have a threesome with one of my girlfriends. He even said her name. I was extremely mad. Shorty, the relationship ended.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2010): No to threesomes, everyone here with any sense has told you it's not a good idea.
Threesomes are cheating, harsh? yes but it's the truth. A threesome is only viable if you are single and you happen to meet two girls who are up for it. Threesomes within a relationship say 'you're not enough for me' 'I want to sleep with someone else' and no matter what you say that's exactly what it means.
I've had threesomes both in a relationship and outside. In the relationship it always sours things, we were both up for it in my reltaionship one, it was her best friend and they came up with the idea and I went along with it. But further down the line things became very complicated because of it. My ex just couldn't get over the fact that I was willing to sleep with someone else, even though it was her idea and even though it was her friend.
It takes a very strong relationship and two people that are very keen on the idea and secure in their love for each other to make something like that work. Based on your question you don't have that. The more you bring this up the more damage you will do to your relationship because you're basically saying to her 'that sex is boring with you, I NEED someoe else'
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (14 June 2010):
 Are you quite, quite, sure that's what you want? It wreaks havoc on relationships, y'know. Still, you can try brnging it up in conversation and see if her reactions change. In any case, if she isn't interested, you'd better get it out of your head.
Gangbangs are a helluva lot of fun for a single girl (at least I think so), but for someone in an emotional relationship, it's VERY VERY unlikely to lead to good things.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2010): You are actually prepared to let another man have sex with your girlfriend - that is, the mother of your child? Call me old fashioned but I don't really see how that is going to help cement a deep bond within your family life. If you are bored or unfulfilled perhaps there are other, healthier and more emotionally nourishing ways in which you could enhance your life, sex or otherwise. Remember - if you do this, there is no erasing it and no turning back the clock. You stand to potentially ruin a good thing for half an hour of meaningless lust. Get a grip.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2010): Is it worth risking your relationship? you both have a baby.
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female
reader, veronika  +, writes (14 June 2010):
 First of all, it's not always the best idea to replicate in real life things you've seen in porn. A lot of mainstream porn is acting and has a large fantasy element to it.I don't have anything against threesomes or group sex, but the thing with those types of 'fantasies' is that every person involved needs to be completely comfortable and okay with it. If your girlfriend is hesitant, a threesome is not a good idea - because when you're doing it, she won't be comfortable, and that isn't right.You can't force sex fantasies on people - if she's not keen, she's not keen. People seem to have this idea that group sex is easy to set up, and that no complicated feelings will be involved, but that's rarely the case. Surprisingly, there are a lot of couples that bust up over experimenting with others in the bedroom.So, again, there's nothing wrong with threesomes or group sex, but you just need to make sure she's comfortable with the idea. If she's like "wtf" when you mention it, you need to be more tactful when approaching the subject, or you just need to forget about it. Sometimes things aren't able to be compromised in relationships.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2010): First of all you say you "really want a 3-some" but there is a difference between a "need" and a "want". You are human yes I get this-- BUT we live in a society that has us so far off the edge between what we want versus what we need. Your girlfriend, the mother of your child, future wife, might feel ify about the idea because she may feel bad that you are not "fulfilled" with just her. If you are too approach it again you must take caution and be aware that if she becomes defensive you have to be a man and not a jerk. And be prepared for questions and judgements from her. Another apporach is you could say "hey you're just so sexy that I would love to have another one of you"... Ultimatley what it comes down to is what you are both comfortable with, but make sure you understand what you are bringing into your realtionship before you act on your actions. And sometimes its best to avoid our temptations. It shows self discipline. One last piece of advice, you say you watch a lot of porn.. Well that could be the problem. Porn is a big problem in the majority of our sex lives-- porn is not real, and its completly distorted now'adays.I challenge you to take a break from porn for one full week. And instead act on some of the more basic fantisies you've seen in porn with your girlfriend... even just play around with the ideas and cutting porn out may do you and her a whole world of happiness!
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male
reader, rivi +, writes (14 June 2010):
Well you just have to ask her to decide whether she is or isn't up for it; and if she is does she prefer boy or girl ?If she's not up for it then you have to decide if you can settle for 1 on 1 sex with the mother of your kid !
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (14 June 2010):
 If you're serious about your relationship and raising your baby in an intact family, get the threesome idea out of your head. It can only work if both parties want to do it and your girl doesn't want to do it. If you coerce her, she's going to hate you for making YOUR fantasy come true at her expense. I know you see it in porn, but that's not real life. In real life, people get hurt. You girlfriend will never be able to look at you the same way and I doubt you'll be able to look at her the same way, either, if you do this.
A threesome is serious business; PLEASE do a search on this site and see how many relationships have suffered because of them. You may have had ups and downs with your girlfriend, but a threesome is something that can wipe out your relationship.
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male
reader, The Realist +, writes (14 June 2010):
 You really have to approach her from a logical side of things. My gf and I have wanted to have one but there is alot to consider like if sex is permitted, who its with, is there chance that someone will get dumped over this. If you don't be sensitive it will never happen. Women tend to put alot of immotion into sex which may be the problem of having it. Think about the act as an emotional thing and over exaggerate everything and then you should be able to start reasoning things out. Do this together and see where it gets you. It is fully possible for two people who love each other to have outside sexual experiences and still want each other but things also have to be even.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2010): In a casual setting bring up how you'd like to try some new stuff to liven up your sex life a bit more. Ask her for a few suggestions and just drop it in there, maybe in lighthearted manner, to test the water. Her reaction will give you the answer.
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