A
male
age
30-35,
*oselio Giron
writes:I never realized how much power a single girl can hold over me. I fell very hard for a girl back in 2004, and to date, I cannot get her out of my mind. She's everything a guy would want: absolute natural beauty, intellect, shy personality. What's worse is that she's been around ever since elementary and I never noticed her.During our high school career, she's made a few accomplishments, and I began believing that I wasn't good enough for her, and this keeps on going now. As the years went by, my crush for her just began getting stronger and stronger. She was all I could think about every day and every night. Yet, I hardly know ANYTHING about her on a deeper level such as her likes, dislikes, interests and such. I've even tried changing myself physically and mentally for her; she was my motivation for everything: school work, band, exercising, and more. I'm always striving for her attention (she knows I like her, but we're both usually very quiet on a regular basis). The results I've gotten from these changes have done me well....but the damage caused by it...let's just say I thank her for it, but I can't forgive her as well. Even when I saw that she actually had a boyfriend (a few weekends ago, I was at the wrong place at the worst time), I still kept on changing myself for her. A while ago, I can't stop repeating her name, I kept saying it over and over again, I was nearly on the verge of tears. What I'm trying to say is....I want this girl, I just can't, and will never, see myself with anyone else but her. I've been in love with this girl for 5 years...and at times, when I look back at it, I feel like I've wasted so much time. Even today, right now, I'm still thinking of her.Why is it that I have to suffer like this? It hurts. What's wrong with me...?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Roselio Giron +, writes (24 February 2009):
Roselio Giron is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have plenty plenty of female friends, who are all very attractive, so it's hard enough trying to break out of my shell. I've been trying not to let her intimidate me, but it's what often holds me back. I praise both your answers, and I do feel as if I'm putting her on a higher pedestal than she deserves to be on.I'm just quite unsure right now.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (24 February 2009):
 It sounds to me like you have a major infatuation with this girl but you are definately not in love with her! You have said it yourself, you dont know anything about her on a deeper level. You can only be in love with someone if you know every little thing about them, and love both their good and bad bits. You have admired this girl from afar rather than getting to know her, you have convinced yourself she is the right girl for you when really, she could be so wrong for you!
You need to realise this is not love, this is infatuation. You dont know her and she knows nothing about you - she has a boyfriend so now is the time to move on. I think it makes it worse that you want something you cannot have, this makes her even more attractive to you.
You have made yourself into a better person by the sounds of it and I'm sure you will be very attractive to other girls. I think you need to stop wasting time on this "ideal girl" you have created in your head and get out there and find someone else! You will find that there are plenty of other girls who you can easily see yourself with, but this will only happen once you let go of this girl who you have put up on a pedestal.
Good luck!
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