A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone i really want my fuck buddy to be my boyfriend we always talk about going out places together but it never happens i really like him but he comes round we have sex and he goes home which leaves me feeling miserable we get on really well both into the same things films music etc he,s 10 year older than me even when he calls round to see me not very often though he will kiss and cuddle me no sex just cuddling i can.t figure him out do you think he wants more like i do. we have both been hurt badly before what do you people think is going on here im so confused and need your help thank you
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female
reader, Marie23  +, writes (6 August 2011):
About the cuddling part a lot of comments say its just the hormones of sex..I don't completely agree with that. I've been involved with three guys in the last few yrs and 2 have not been cuddlers and left right after or stayed for a LITTLE while but I knew it was just FWB..they didn't Show any affection to let me know it was just sex..the current and third FWB guy is the total opposite. We're not together for both unknown and known reasons. I suggest you take initiative, something I have yet to do. You like the guy and SINCERELY think he can have mutual feelings talk to him. Guys aren't all the same just as girls aren't.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2011): email him,and tell him that you are miserable when he leaves,and would like more. See what he says. Get your answer. Good luck. X
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2011): "we have sex and he goes home which leaves me feeling miserable"You need a relationship with someone who makes you feel better about yourself when you see them, and after you see them, and when you think of yourself with and without them being around.That is what love is.That person will want to be seen with you, to go places with you, to be viewed as "yours" and "not available".Are you sure this guy isn't married, attached, etc. Sounds like a cheater.Find someone who likes you.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (5 August 2011):
 tell him what you want. if he wants the same he will let you know and start being more attentive. if he doesn't then you have at least got your answer, which ok, you won't be happy with but at least you will get closure so you can move on and hopefully meet someone who DOES want a loving relationship with you
if he is only using you for sex and attention but not giving you anything fulfilling back - let him go. he may realise he misses you and will want to give you more. or he may just stay away and get himself a new FB. again, you will have your answer.
take action or else you will be stuck in this limbo indefinately
x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2011): Sorry.... but why buy the cow when the milk is for free
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (5 August 2011):
 If you continue to see this guy, you will only get hurt. He's not interested, though he may decide to feign interest if you keep at it. Once you're a FWB with a guy, you can say with 99% certainty that he will never want to be a boyfriend. It's just the way things work.
Think of it this way: he's getting sex for no effort right now, and that works for him. If you suddenly start demanding commitment and effort, in his mind, it seems unfair, because his understanding of the FWB relationship was that emotions would not be an issue.
Just because he kisses or cuddles does not mean he's interested, it just means he's enjoying the dopamine rush that naturally comes with sex. The dopamine rush in your body, however, seems to be causing you to bond with him. Emotionally, what you're feeling right now is the same as if he were threatening to break up with you, because as far as your body and hormones are concerned, that's exactly what's happening.
In the future, if you want a boyfriend, it's best to avoid FWB arrangements entirely. The guy you're seeing, as well as any guy who knows about it, will not see you as girlfriend material. Plus, the time you spend seeing and bonding with a guy who won't ever date you is time you could be spending finding a real boyfriend. I say stop seeing this guy and take some time off to get comfortable with being single before going out to find someone who will like you back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2011): No he doesn't want more, if he did he would make more of an effort. It's not going to happen OP, you're his sex/cuddle buddy, that's it. If you want him to be your boyfriend then you have to talk to him about your feelings.
I'm afraid you're just going to get hurt again OP, he's fine with the situation and you're not.
Talking to him is all you can do, because there is a chance that I'm wrong and he does actually like you but is afraid to put his heart on the line in case you don't like him too.
So you have only one real option to get what you want here and that is to put it out there and have "the talk".
Seriously the only person who can truly answer your questions is him.
Just for the record OP anything but a "yes, lets start dating" means "no, I'm not interested". Maybe in the future, I'm not ready for a relationship, I like the way things are and who knows what may happen in the future, anything like that they all mean "No", those kind of answers aren't good enough OP as they're designed to keep you hanging as a sex buddy but making no commitment at all.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (5 August 2011):
 It seems like he doesn't see you as more than a sex partner. You'll talk about going places but it never happens, there are hardly times when he can be with you without having sex, and he goes home right after you two get together. He's only interested in sex, but if you want to be more, then there's nothing wrong with telling him and asking him how he feels.
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A
female
reader, tibob  +, writes (5 August 2011):
 Hello,
If he cuddles you, it may mean that he likes you. I think his problem is the age difference. Maybe he wants to limit your relationship only to physcial pleasure and not pursue it further. Maybe he thinks that you are satisfied with the relationship you are sharing as you did not show to him that you want to be with him. Tell him that you would like to go on a date together as you want to spend time with him. By his reaction you'll know what he really wants. Sex or a relationship
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