A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend of 4 months ended our relationship last week. At the start of our relationship we were perfect, everything was going our way, we'd talk for hours and never get sick of each other. After a while however the spark sort of faded away and our relationship become increasingly more difficult. I am in my first year of college and work part time so the only real time I could see her was on weekends, and she is completing her final year of school and has her final exams on soon; not the most convenient circumstances for a relationship.Although to say that was the only reason why we didn't work out would be a lie. I have problems in relationships showing that I care, I get less affectionate as time goes on, and I stop being bothered. In my previous relationship before this one that lasted close to 3 years, I had the same problems and my girlfriend broke up with me 2/3 times in the process but luckily for me was so in love with me that she took me back every time. Towards the end of our relationship things really weren't working out and the only reason I wanted her back was the fear of being alone.. not because I really wanted her. I know this makes me an a**hole and I know I deserve everything I get because of my actions.But now my girlfriend has just left me, surprise surprise I want her back. But comparing this time to my last girlfriend, I can tell there is a difference; I want this girl back because I genuinely love her and care about her and because she is amazing, compared to wanting the other girl back just because I needed someone. For this girl I am actually so upset that I hurt her and treated her badly, and I genuinely want to change for her. I'm sick of losing the ones I love and care about, I don't want it to happen anymore. My problem is that the saying "you dont know what you've got till its gone" hasn't sunk in for 4 years.I've tried explaining all this to her, I've told her that I am so sorry, I've told her I want to change for her and asked her for a second chance, I've told her that when I said I loved her I actually meant it, I've told her our relationship faded because of my actions and not because it wasn't meant to last. When I told her this she says that we just weren't meant to work as a couple, she doesn't feel the same as she used to and I hurt her too much. I completely understand all of this, but I really feel as if I get one more chance with this amazing girl I can turn it all around.This is where I need your advice on the topic. She has gone away with her family for a holiday to Hong Kong for a week, and I'm going to give her space. Sometime after she comes back, I'm thinking of going all out on a romantic gesture. Her problem with us was that I didn't care enough and didn't show I cared; I really want her to see that I'm willing to change for her and I want to know whether this would help. I want to go into her backyard before she gets home one night, set up candles and lights, get a few of my friends who play the guitar and ukelele and sing to her "I know this much is true" by Spandau Ballet. I know this is going all out, but I really want her to see how sorry I am and how much I actually care. I messed up hard, but if she gives me another chance I am ready to take it with both hands. Do you think this is a good idea?
View related questions:
broke up, spark Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (16 September 2011):
Hi there. It sounds like a good idea, however, because you and her are not together, it then becomes trespassing if you go onto her property without invitation.
So that is something to be aware of.
She might even think that you are stalking her! So you need to be very careful about doing something like that.
Perhaps you could send her some flowers and a nice card, when you know she's going to be home - after her holiday.
This is a considerable expense - the flowers could be $40 to $50. And you are taking a gamble on it that she will change her mind, and there's no way to know for sure that it will work in your favour.
In any case, it's a gamble whatever you do.
Perhaps you could write her a letter telling her exactly how you feel, pouring out all your true feelings to her, when you do.
It's also possible, that maybe she isn't ready for a relationship right now, especially with her final school exams coming up pretty soon. So with that in mind, she doesn't want to get into a relationship and then there's problems and it affects her school work. Any stresses now in her personal life, could be the difference between a pass or a fail.
So it's a big risk she'd be taking if she did go back with you, only to have it all go wrong.
Right now, she does need to concentrate on her exams that are coming up, and it is probably of highest priority in her life at the moment. Education is really important, and we are talking about her future here.
So maybe, you could leave it go until after the end of the exams when she's feeling much more relaxed about life.
|
