A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I previously wrote here and took some advice on tactics to win my ex back. We only dated 2 months but I fell for him hard. I started pressuring him to put a title on the relationship which ultimately pushed him away. We broke up a little over a month ago. We went through all the typical break up stages. From me begging him to reconsider. To the whole no contact stage. To the I hate you stage. Until we finally got to the point where we could be civil and eventually get along again as "friends" . Last weekend he invited me to go away but after long consideration I declined. He didn't get mad and said ok. I told him I had other plans. Yesterday we texted all day. He told me of his weekend and asked about mine. (This is where it goes bad again) I told him I had a really great weekend with a "friend" and it was a guy. It didn't seem to bother him and he made a joke of it and we continued texting throughout the day into the night. Flirty and fun conversation. Then we made "loose" plans to hang out today. I texted him and asked if we were still on and his response was "I kinda can't I just started hanging with someone" Meaning another woman. How do I know he's not just flipping the script on me now or if he really is talking to someone. I tried the tactic of hard to get and telling him I was hanging with another guy and I think it blew up in my face. Is he seeing someone, is he testing me, how do I get passed this. I believe we both still have feelings for each other but can't get passed the games. My response to his text was "well I'm not going to lie that upsets me a little but if that's the case I wish you the best" I don't mean that...I want him back!!! Please help
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female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (13 December 2013):
You got what you deserve. Playing games is the wrong thing to do. If I asked a guy away with me for the weekend and he told me he had plans with a gal.....I would be gone. You are playing a hurtful game, and you are getting hurt.
I believe when you care and respect someone you do the rights things to nuture that relationship.
If I was him, I would move on.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (11 December 2013):
Well, you got what you deserved here. It's one thing to tell someone you have other plans, but telling them you spent the weekend with a guy is overboard.
It would have been a turn off to all but the most hard core "chasers" out there. And they would have dumped you as soon as they got you.
What I'd recommend is coming clean with him. Tell him no more games, you weren't with another guy this weekend, you just told him that because you really like him and you thought it might propel him to action.
If he doesn't respond to that then it's probably time to move on (as it has been for awhile).
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 December 2013):
 You and he seem to have invented a game which is variously fun/flirty then painful and frustrating......
The "question" that I would pose is: Do you wish to continue in a flimsy, insincere, and vague game, wherein YOU are willing to ante-up your feelings.. and he is not (willing).....???
You can find a guy who will be more forthcoming, and honest, and you will probably find him MUCH more fun than this.... BUT, that's just my opinion of the game that you've described (and the energy of participating in it).
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 December 2013):
 I think you are WASTING your time on this guy.
An man who plays at a woman's emotions and (sorry) slight desperation to be in a relationship is NOT a decent guy. And you are both playing playground games. Grow up.
I'd cut the contact and look for someone else to ACTUALLY date (though I guess you are since you are "hanging" with another guy.)
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (11 December 2013):
 Cancelling a date at the last minute in favour of another woman is really, really rude. Did you also wait til the last minute to decline the weekend away (to hang out with a dude)?
Unless he comes back to you and says that he didn't realise you felt that way, he'd rather "hang" with you (with a view to dating properly, not hanging out casually), I think the games and the attempts at getting back with him should stop. I don't think it's going to work out with this guy, I reckon you should go back to No Contact, except not as a game/ strategy to get him interested but as a way for you to move on.
Playing games to get people back doesn't work IMO. I think that someone is either keen/ interested or they're not. I get the feeling he's just not really interested, or certainly not as interested as you are. Bottom line: no matter how much you like him, can he realistically offer you what you want (dating with a view to a relationship)?.
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