A
male
age
36-40,
*aluxo
writes:Hi, I really need someone to give me an outsiders opinion on the situation im in at the moment, if you would, please read, ill try to explain things to the point.Everything started last year, the end of may, where i worked came under new managment, with the new manageress, was three of her staff, they all joined the currently manager less shop to complete the team sort of thing.When i first saw her, she was a stunning blonde haired, blue eyed girl that every guy would be interested, i instantly thought to myself, id never stand a chance with her! so i never bothered myself to make any effort.Eventualy we started chatting, Id tell her jokes about things, and she'd laugh, she seemed to be fairly interested in talking to me ect, she even go the habit of inviting me for smokes during breaks with her.I learned that she had a boyfriend, but he was in prision! he had been in there for almost 8 months, and still had roughly the same or more to go, but she seemed content with waiting for him, talking highly of him, dispite him being in prision for drug dealing! I wished i could treat her better ect. but it was all what seemed fantasy!soon enough i asked her if she used the internet, I thought id ask her for her email address so we could chat, She gave it to me with no problem! infact she even gave me her mobile number tooWe started chatting online, most nights after work, it was a secret at work, because she did'nt want her friend/manageress to be suspicious or funny with her ect.we kept it a secret for months, by now it was november and she had just passed her driving test! so when she was online, i said well done ect, and invited her to come out with me to the pub to visit my friends. she agreed to come down to my surprise!We had a great time, and after the pub she came back to mine for a little while before heading home, this was when i found myself giving her a back massage, after a while, i tried to kiss her slowly on her lips!to which she responded, and we kissed a few more times, before she freaked out and left for home.The next day she said shed like to come back down, and see how things gowe went to the pub, then when we got back, it did'nt take long before we was kissing again, it all progressed and we was having sex, we ended up having sex 4 times that night before she went home.I did'nt think it would blossom into anything, due to her boyfriend, i put it down to that she must be desperate, so i felt quite confused but did'nt get my hopes upSoon enough things looked up, she told me she wrote a letter to her boyfriend, split up with him and she came out about us at work, everything was so great!we started seeing each other alot more, almost all the time, and she'd stay round my house alot too, being closer to work than her house she found it convieniant, but hell i did'nt care, i loved being with her.we had a real great christmas, we was both really happy, and got each other lots of presents ect, the same routine stuck right up untill valentines, which is when things started going downhillAt work i became annouyed that the manageress seemed to be working against me, plus always putting me and laura on opposit shifts, im not sure why, but it had such an effect on me, i flipped. one day i was working and getting angry at every little thing, as it felt like everything was working against me, and i destroyed alot of the furniture and punched walls ect, soon enough i got transfered to another store.we arrived to march, when we was together at mine as usual after work, we got some alcohol and we was talking, im not sure what to the topic was but she was half giving something away, so i, being drunk, was rather persistant in trying to find out what she would'nt quite tell, and it turned out to be of a guy that had forcful sex with her.she rolled over and started to fall asleep, i remember being quite drunk, admiring her sleeping, and at the same time i could'nt stand to imagine her being hurt, it made me so sad inside, i got quite angry, and stupidly decide to punch the glass i was drinking as hard as i could against the wall beside the bed. as you can imagine blood went everyhwrre and my fingers had shreds of skin hanging from them, this both scared and worried laura, and things had never been the same since, so she saysi notced she started being snappy with me, wanting to keep her distance, and i could feel her slipping away.it started to worry me, and i realised that having a beautiful, lovely caring girlfriend was pretty much putting my head up my own arse and i felt that if anything got in the way i was bigger, i guess i became obsessed or something!? id ont know, but im not an angry, or a violent person, even my friends said this!one evening after she said she wanted to not spend the night with me, i decided as knowing she had work early the next day id travel up to her house, leave her some roses and a card with a poem i wrote telling her how much i love her. i asked her to let me know when shes home so i knew when to go, plus id know she got home safe from her friends.i traveled up there, and to my surprise after her text messaage claiming she had gone to bed, was not at her house! i could'nt believe that she had, what appeared to be lied to me! and i recalled remembering a few days before her ex boyfriend called her, and all sorts of things ran through my head!I rang her loads, but no reply, i text her telling i need to talk to her , it was important, i kept ringing and ringing, eventualy after an hour or soshe picked upi asked why she was'nt home, and she causaly said, im at dans house (her ex) and i could'nt think why she'd be there but lie to me about being at home, in bed... i asked her if she still wanted to be with me, and she seemed rather insulted by this.she told me to go home and not to worry about everything, that i should trust her, and hearing her say that was enough reassurance for me, so i agreed and left for home.the following day i went to see her, i felt guilty for assuming things, but so much suggested that something was happening, the evidence was overwhelming so to speak!later that day she split up with me, said she was'nt happy! I was devistated!everything in my life seemed to fall appart in an instance, my brand new 2 grand motorbike i was obsessed with as i just brought it, had no interest. i did'nt eat for about 4 days, i never had an appetite, i just cried all day, and nhardly slept!we chatted through email,things got abit bitchy towards each other, and i tried to make out things where ok, that i was having a great time without her, and she turned around saying that im obsessive and clingy, things went wrong when i fucked my hand up, she told me she never told me there was prolems and she was'nt happy coz she though she could deal with it alone.I settled it between us, i rang her, she did'nt want to talk, but it took alot to convince her, i told her to think about all the good times we had, and leveled things out to a friendly level.we were now being civilised to each other!when i was out, we was texting, i told her i was off to town with friends, later in the evening she text me, saying she had a tshirt and some boxers of minei told her she'd have to think of a way to get them back to me without leaving them at work to pick up (as we did with the rest of the stuff) and she suggested she pop them round after work, to my house.when she came, i invited her in, but she said no, but invited me in to chat in her car, we spoke briefly, and i told her about a guy inviting me to join in his band(actually happened) and how much fun ive been having out with my friends and cousin ect, meeting new people ect, ect.later we was speaking and i told her i was off for a long wekend to visit family! i also asked if she'd be interested in meeting for lunch at some point, we agreed thursday!its now monday, the day i was supposed to leave for long weekend away, she text me out of the blue asking how my journey was going, i explained that i cancledand we started chatting, soon she came online and we spoke more.she then told me she was worried she may be pregnant, just as i was about to go out again with my friends into town. so i cancled with them, invited her to mine, so we could go get a pregnancy test!she came down and we went to get a pregnancy test, we also decided to eat out, and we spoke abit, some silences in places, but after everything things where good, we spoke about everything but nothing to do with the relationship. when we got back i asked if she wanted to take the test at mine, or hers, she agreed to mine, and came in.now she took the test and everything is good, it turned out to be negative!after that, we layed on the bed, we chatted about things and said a few jokes, we kept catching eye contact and i felt really attracted to her, something was still there like before, the attraction i could feel it! but was'nt sure if it was just me, i asked if she fancied being stroked or massaged, but she refused.int he end i asked for a hug and she agreed, we lay hugging for a while, infact i enjoyed her being in my arms so much i think we must have hugged about 5 times, but the last time, i dont know what came over mei tried to kiss her, but she pulled back, then she mad a speedyish retreat for the door, we stopped and hugged again, then i asked if it would be ok to kiss her, and she refused. so i said ok.then she leftshe text me telling me she was home, and in bedi replied "gd gd, night"she replied"sorry, about tonight good night"i did'nt know what to reply, so she soon replied"in the mood with me?"i replied "nope not in mood!? sorry, dnt b sorry, nuthin to b sorry about. tonights been nice! and atleast ur mind is at ease now too! night."she replied"yeah it has been good, thanks good night"Now im feeling confused, i really want her to reconcider things, i want to change and give things another go learning from the mistakes that made us split up and make her unhappy.does anyone have any idea how i can pursue this? if it seems like she might want me back, or not? does anyone else like me think she may have left me because shes confused? as having the ex out of jail is a big coincidence how everything fell appart at the same time.i trust her though, i dont think she is with him, they probably just had to chat about things.i need help, its monday tonight, and im out with her again thursday, shall i ask her to concider trying things again? ask how she feels about it! or just be cool and hope that things will look up!? im confused, does she even want me ?!?! obviously its hard to say as noone knows what wshes thinking, but why did she enjoy the comfort of a hug like me too???any help or advice will be great, thank you if you read to here! thank you so much!
View related questions:
at work, be pregnant, christmas, cousin, drunk, her ex, kissing, pregnancy test, smokes, split up, text, the internet, violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (22 March 2007):
 Hi
I think you need to take things very very slow with your eyes wideopen if you really want her back, she is deeply confused she might be interested in working things out with you but her ex is back, when you got together with her she was still inlove with him regardless his criminal activities, you might find out they never broke it off that’s why she lied to you, and another thing why don’t ask yourself why she had to break-up with you after his release? Do you think it was a coincident? Judge for yourself. In my opinion I don’t think she is the right girl for you for many reasons that popped out from your post e.g. you are very possessed with her, you love her she cant love you back etc etc
You say everybody says you are not a violent person but your temper proves otherwise, and I think this has been caused by your obsession towards her and I think as a woman she saw it and it scared her. Work on that temper and loosen up a bit. She was involved with a drug dealer, another man violated her, you smash things even at her presence and I think she feels like she has no luck in finding the right man. Every kind of violence is scary whether its being done on your honor or otherwise. Go on that date today and see how it goes instead of asking her to work things out why don’t you ask what problems is she having and if you can help her or just be there for her and take it from there. If she keeps you out of her problems still just know that she cant trust you with her problems which means you are not the man she wants to be with.
It might be fun for her to steal some time with you but emotionally she is not available to you and I don’t think she wants to take it further than that. remember the conversations you had with her in the beginning you said she spoke highly of her ex regardless him being in prison and if you recall those conversations do you think you have a chance with her now that he is out of prison? Again judge for yourself. You seem to have soo much to offer and I don’t think this blonde deserves any like the first aunt said there will be many blondes to come your way this is just one of those who came and off shall go.
Jovial
A
male
reader, Big boy +, writes (20 March 2007):
 Am sorry mate, she has gone back to her ex boyfriend, her coming round yours is just because she missed you and your company, you seem to be a nice guy but, I can grantee you that all the time she was around you she still loved her ex... ask your self was he really her ex? Did she even break up with him? Let he be... the way she came into your life the same way more will come even prettier don’t waste your time on her... all you can do is to have the memorise in your head... let her be... avoid her, her ex is not even aware of you... you will get more blondes.... as for your bike take it out for a spin clean it up... just look after your self... so when she see you, your on top..
...............................
|
