A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've gotten to know this flat-out amazing woman for a few months. We've hung out and become pretty good friends. But from her body language and demeanor around me, it's clear to me that she wants what I want -- to be more than just friends.My problem with this is that she's already invloved with a long-distance relationship with a guy about 250 miles away. She sees him probably once or twice a month and yet she calls him her boyfriend. And she told me last night that she's only "let him" come down and visit her once in the year and a half they've been together.Now I've been anguished about this for a while now. Everybody I've brought this problem to says the exact same thing "keep seeing her and this other guy will fade away." But I'm having a really hard time believing this. I feel like I'm competing with someone I've never met.But last night drove my anxiety and fears to a whole 'nother stratosphere. She and I went out and saw a play last night. During the play, she let me put my arm around her neck and she even laid her head on my shoulder. Y'all, no woman I've ever been with -- romantically or otherwise -- has done that. It was the most gentle, tender thing any woman has ever done who wasn't my mother. She even let me kiss her on the cheek -- granted, no big deal but it's the biggest romantic gesture I've made with her yet.I know I shouldn't feel like she's the only woman out there for me, but this one is special. She's smart, funny, articulate, beautiful and sexy. From what I can see she's the total package.I want this more than anything I've ever wanted in my life. But this whole "lay back and let the chips fall where they may" attitude that my friends have hammered into my skull isn't working anymore. I'm feeling very impatient. I just feel like there's something I need to do, but I'm not feeling it.Please oh please direct me the light oh sage.
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female
reader, NJmomabear +, writes (7 May 2007):
 Yeah dude, you need to call her bluff. There is obviously something she gets 250 miles away that she hasn't given you the chance or feels that you can't give to her. Either way, for your own mental health you need to get it out and move on with or without her. This is becoming unhealthy for you.
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