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male
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anonymous
writes: What's a womans point of view on rejection of Love?I'd like to hear a womans point of view on this one. Your both - attractive, educated, professional, mature adults, civil, and nothing bad at all occurs in the time you dated. So you date a guy for about a month. You slept with him by the second or third date (4 or 5 times while you dated). Right after the first time - every so often you start making a few short subtle verbal cues (3 or 4 times over this time frame) that you want to get closer to him. He's not responding. (At this point lets assume that you do like him). So at almost a month together you now start to spent a week night together at your home (you called him over) then spent the following weekend together - Friday night till Sunday morning. Now you try to call him later that Sunday night, he does not answer. He does not call you back until 4 days - Thursday morning at your work. So what are you been thinking up to now? Is you rsponse negative or positive?Are you mad?, hurt?, feel used or rejected? Maybe decide to dump him? Give him a really hard time? Or would you be patient? Consider having a talk, express your feelings?, want to hear his? Or would you just give him more time? Now you went on one more date after he finally called you back but it didn't go too well for either of you. So after that date you never hear from him again until over a year or more later. (Your not dating anyone at that time you hear from him again). How would react then? Are you mean or nice to him? Interested in talking to him anyway? Would you want to hear or care what he has to say? Does it even matter much anymore? Can you be friendly or are you going to really give him hell? I'd like gather several responses, thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007): Its the same old thing, women have sex to get affection, men are affectionate to have sex. I would only respond to him after a year to be nosey! honest!....he would not have the pleasure of getting to know me again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007): Ha-I can't resist answering this posting and I have to say...I do agree with Wendyg. This is my own personal thoughts here. I admit, I have a very old fashioned notion. In the years when I dated, (eons ago!) I always let the guy chase me! I never, ever called him, he made all the first moves. Until of course, until the relationship became solid, long term, settled and comfortable, then I would call. Back to your question... If I spent a glorious weekend with a guy and then he disappeared for 4 days, I'd have to say, that if I'm not worthy of a 3 minute phone call, just even to touch base..he'd be toast! Plain and simple. I have always said no guy's day is that busy that he can't call. It's the thought that counts, dear. And us gals love affection and attention and most of all-the respect is important. When a man cares and wants to be with you, he will pick up that phone because like us gals, guys love to talk to a woman they care about. I judge, discriminate and discern people in my life, on actions-no excuses or pretty words, so contact a year down the road would not change my mind if he were to call me. I wouldn't date him, again. Always remember...actions truly speak louder than words. Some guys will use the excuse, "I forgot to call'. Sorry, that doesn't wash..if a guy likes a woman, he doesn't forget. And besides who wants a guy who forgets you even exist? lol There is just simply too many great guys out there who would 'want' to call me than to waste my time on a guy who did a disappearing act. So I stress, it's always crucial for a woman to blend her emotions with rational thought and really, really discern when a guy is good for her life. I preach this on the site all the time to woman and yes, even men-who suffer the aftermath and pain of being treated crappy by people.
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A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (24 March 2007):
 Hmm... First off... Having been in the postion with a guy(many moons ago!) dated about 6 weeks or so, where things were great as you first described, sex was on the menu, and loads of other fun things were happening and stop overs were happening, both happy about dates and so on and both said yeah things are going the right way, and then the guy decided he was only after a bit of fun and disappeared! and then after a about a week got in contact as if nothing had happend, but went on to say thought it was just a little fun, depsite having made plans for birthdays and things, I would be inclined to not even give you the date when you hadnt taken my calls for 4 days!
How was she to know that this wouldnt be the case that you would finally get in contact? anyway Then she goes on a date with you, shes already angry as would I be, so its not going to go too well but the benifit of the doubt is given and I too would have given the benefit of the doubt, but in my mind I would be thinking oh hes just another player just hooking up when hes got nothing better to do, but go along to see anyway and then decide.
If I dont then hear from him for a year and he gets in contact I would be like what the hell!?? You think you can come along see if im as bored as you are and go on a date !? Id also be thinking how many others have you seen in between and was I really the best of that bunch, so you thought you would see if you can start where you left off! I would in no way be tempted... you had already messed me about before and obviously thought that you could do better and would have the opinion that you really were not worth it! I mean whose to say that the same thing wouldnt happen again, you would have a little fun and then decide, hmm like her a bit but not as much as I thought, and then ignore the calls again! Most girls wont want to take the risk of being messed about or feeling second best.
After the 4 days of no contact, most would probably give the benefit of the doubt, depending what the circumstances were for not getting in contact, if its genuine then most can understand and alot do give space and so on but many just think that if you havent taken the calls that you were not interested and that they are just a time filler. Of course I wouldnt expect a guy to be at my beck and call and can apperaciate he has a life, but I would be a little peed if he couldnt even just tell me he was busy, communication is all that is needed, and if you havent got that girls as a rule get all pannicky and start to worry you dont like them and so on but at the same time think they are scaring you off! Its hard to get a happy medium!
But I guess because ive been once bitten twice shy, my view could be a little tarred! I will add that If someone is intetested in you and they want to be with you, they wont generally leave it four days without contacting you (without valid reason). Never mind leaving it a year and then think what the hell see if shes up for it! Id be really annoyed and probably wouldnt give you the time of day, unless you were Pierce Brosnan, then I might have an available slot! lol
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007): Well considering that he doesn't call for over a year with no excuse whatsoever (apart from a bad date ages ago) i would've moved on in that time so he wouldn't mean anything to me anymore. I would want an explanation as to why it took him so long to contact me again. Maybe i would be friends again depending on how he is to me but i wouldn't want to be romantically involved with him again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007): Based on the scenario you gave, if he called me again after a year, I wouldn't answer the phone. Basically my impression of him was he was a jerk who played me and had no interest in getting to know me. The only way I would call him back or in having any interest in talking to him is if he left a voice message apologizing for how insensitive he was about my feelings and that he was interested in getting to know me. Remember, men and women view sex completely differently. Her mistake was sleeping with you before getting to know you. Women cannot separate sex and emotion, whereas men can. When a woman sleeps with a man, she becomes emotionally attached, so when you didn't call her back, you probably ripped her heart out. Have a little integrity and be sensitive towards the woman you are dating, don't sleep with her too soon...and don't let her sleep with you too soon.
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