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female
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anonymous
writes: I need some serious help. I have known my ex for a very long time since 8th grade. 11th grade he asked me to homecoming and i accepted. Well after that he wanted to be my bf and i wasnt ready for a bf at that time so he walked away from me. I didnt see him til graduation nite. Never thought i would see him again so i said my goodbyes and everything. Well the whole time since 11th grade on and even after gradutation i couldnt get him out of my mind. He was the one i loved for soooo long. Well i was shopping at the mall one day in june and he walked up to me and asked me to hangout that nite. Well we did and ended up making out. A week later he asked me out and we dated for 3 months on til october.Things got pretty serious between us. I was suppose to move in with him back in october cuz my ma and me were fighting and she wanted me out. He decided it was best for me to move in with him. A week before i was suppose to move in he broke up with me cuz he said that he didnt want a gf or a relationship. He said that he thought he could never love me as much as i loved him. ( i dont know what he meant by that) The nite that he broke up with me he said that he didnt love me but he cared alot about me to no end. That nite was the worset nite of my life. I couldnt sleep or eat or anything. With everything that him and i did i dont know how he could just do what he did to me. Well its been about 2 1/2 months since we broke up and we still remain friends. This past sat i asked him if he wanted to be friends with benefits. He agreeded. I thought it be best for us cuz neither one of us wants a relationship. Im not looking for anyone and he def isnt looking for anyone. I also asked him if he never wanted to date me again ( i just wanted to see what he was thinking cuz he is a very hard person to figure out) and he said that he wouldnt say that. He said that he doesnt know if he will ever date again. He also said that he doesnt want me to get hurt with this whole thing with fwb. ( i really dont know where is thinking is, what does he mean that he doesnt want me to get hurt? It was me asking him if he wanted to do fwb) I asked him how he thought he could hurt me and he said that he didnt know but that he worrys alot. ( he has anixty, he worrys alot) Well that nite we ended up fooling around. Last nite which was monday, we hangout again and ended up fooling around again, but we also talked afterwards. He told me that he thought i could do better then him and that he thinks that one day when i start college in the fall im going to find someone new and im going to end up falling in love with this guy and im going to go tell him(my ex) that i was going to marry this guy. Well i told him that would never happen cuz i could never be faithful to an other guy. I know that saids horrible but i feel like im being honset to at the same time. I cant picture my self with anyone else cuz i have always had feelings about me and my ex and our future ever since 8th grade. Its just werid how everything alwasy works out for us. We didnt talk for almost 2 years after 11th grade cuz i didnt want a bf and he pushed me away. The just one day out of the complete blue him and i bumped into each other and we hit it off like no tommrow. WE have alot of history together. I mean as bad as the breakup was im surprised we still remain friends. I love this man with all my heart. I know im going to sound crazy when i say this but i still feel that he never meant that he didnt love me. I think he always has. Its a feeling that i cant push away. I mean this whole thing with fwb it feels more then that. Its not all about what friends with benefits do. We do alot of making out and fooling around. I mean its very passionate and romantic. I know friends with benefits shouldnt have feelings involed but we both do. But he thinks im going to get hurt in the end. And dont get me wrong this guy is a complete sweetheart. He was never mean to me or anything. He doesnt have other girls who are friends so im not worried about him doing fwb with other girls. Im his only girl friend. He's a shy person so it takes alot of him to talk to someone especially girls. When we were dating it was just meant to be. WE had a perfect relationship that anyone would die for. There was no fighting or anything it was all pure. Im not materialistic or a bitch. I dont need money to keep me happy. Im an all down to earth girl with a head on my shoulders i should say. Im very career focused. So our relationship was very easy. But he always treated me like a princess. He was the one to come to me to tell me that he loved me. I felt it in evertyhting that we did. I saw it in his eyes and felt it in the way he kisses me. Even after just being firends. He told me on sat that he doesnt know what love is and if love is when you really care for someone to no end like he does with me then he thinks its love but he doesnt know. He also told me this that he was scared of committment.Well now after two wks of this friends with benefits thing im having sec thoughts cuz i love this man with all my heart and i dont know if i can fully go tho with this. I love being with him even if its a friend thing but i always have this urge to be sexually active with him weather its friends or a bf gf thing. I just dont want to get hurt soooo bad in the end if that happens. Im hoping down the road that him and i can call ourselfs a pair again. I dont know what to do. I want to break this off but i feel like im going to lose either way with him. If i walk away from him i lose a great person in my life. If i stay im only hurting more cuz he doesnt want a gf right now and i dont want him to be doing stuff with me without emontion. I still feel its not over for us......like we were really meant to be cuz i cant piture my life without him now. I dont know what to say to him or anything. Hes my bestfriend and always has been. He has my heart without him i feel truly uncomplete. I mean i was dating this great guy back before i got togather with my highschool sweetheart. I told my current bf at that time that if i ever bumped into my bestfriend again it be over for him and i cuz i just knew that our relationship wouldnt survive with him back in my life and now look what happend, i bumped into him and we got together. He told me that he was non stop thinkin about me to and that he was crushed when i turned him down back in 11th grade and thats why he walked away. I mean its just no end for me and him. I mean if i wasnt happy with my current bf before i started dating my bestfriend what makes anybody think im going to be happy dating sumone else after i just had my dream of dating my bestfriend and then having my heart taking by him. I will never be happy with anyone else. Its a proven fact cuz its been tested. I need some really good advice........real bad! Plz help cuz im fearing of regret if i walk away and then it turns into this big mess later down the road where i miss him and stuff like what happpend back in 11th grade.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): I think you need a long long talk with this guy, it sounds like you have alot of questions that have gone unanswered. It sounds to me like you two are meant to be. but you could stop the whole friends with benefits still be close friends with him so youre not loseing him. and if you two are meant to be together down the road you will be.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): wow, that is by far the longest question ive seen!!
ok from what you say, it isnt the fact he doesnt love you. i think thats a ''no brainer''. i think his confidence in himself and his ability to hold a relationship is whats holding him back. maybe when you turned him down the first time you crushed his confidence maybe hes been rejected befor or witnessed bad relationships in the past.
you say your going to college soon,i suggest you take that chance to take a brake apart, be honest and open with him, tell him how you feel from the bottom of your heart (all good relationships are based on honesty)once youve left him all this to think over, leave him alone for a few days let him think things over. with luck he'll know hes onto a good thing and you'll be together...and by all means dont cheat on him at college...you say you wont but never say never...if you love this guy you'll stay faithfull
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): if he doesn't want a realtionship but wants to be friends with benefits then he probably is having some problems other than handleing a realtionship maybe he is having problems with his family work or even himself give him some space and see where it goes from there good luck please give me an excellent rating please and message me back ok love christmasxxx
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