A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am 22 {Indian}and financially stable. I met this guy through Facebook . We were young and it was first love for both of us. It was intense and serious relationship . We had own ups and down in these 6 years .His parents were helpful during this time. He cheated on me before couple of years . I was devastated and then he changed for good things were great between us. Last week he was drank I told him how emotionally broken I was when he cheated on. I was in depression that time with no emotional support (my family don't know about my relationship) Now I am most pampered child at home. My parents will not agree because of caste and other Indian customs .Now my bf says like we can't marry since my parents will not approve . Even though if we marry we will not be happy .He says like we have different perspective in life .For instance he loves to watch porn and so much addicted to sex while I don't have sex drive like him . So we broke up not officially but still he says in touch so me. I said I am gonna get married but he is not allowing me to get married also. Now what to do ? I really love this guy so much. How to make him realize all will be fine ? How to get him back on track? I tried asking him to come for couple therapy but you know it is taboo here and so difficult to get a therapist in India
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broke up, cheated on me, facebook, porn, sex drive Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2017): You're very young. Maybe a bit melodramatic. Some young people do get carried-away with how they feel about someone; almost to the degree that it might be unhealthy. In this case, you're almost describing an obsession.
If you get all that caught-up in a guy; you're going to find-out a lot of men are going to runaway from you. Sweetie, you're a bit too much! Chill out!
Your very existence is not dependent on this guy! If you're in that much pain for this long; you need help.
You suggested he get therapy. I think you need it as much, if not more, than he does. I would recommend you do so before you spiral into depression. You're insisting you can't get over him, there's definitely something unhealthy about that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNow how to move on ? We have lot of mutual friends . All of my friends are his. And moreover how to tell all these people I broke up. Even in my office everyone keeps asking about him . And if at all I get married to someone in arranged marriage should I say about my ex to this guy? We had been phsyical few times but I am still virgin what to do now
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2017): If you're claiming that you're getting married and you're no longer officially a couple; why are wasting your time on couple's therapy? You're both acting like spoiled children; insisting on what the other is going to do.
Your child-like relationship has run its course; and obviously cast differences recognized by your parents will prevent marriage. He's given you good reasons not to even consider marriage. He's very much into porn, and admits being addicted to sex. You ignore very serious red-flags and deal-breakers. You can't do that. You have to be realistic and get-over your idealistic adolescent puppy-love.
First-off, he told you that you both have different perspectives on life. He admits you're incompatible.
You obviously listen to your parents who apparently call the shots; so common-sense alone should tell you it's time to distance yourself from your "sex-addicted" ex. Whom your parents wouldn't approve of anyway. If you're pampered; it follows they hold the purse-strings. You'd have to finance your own wedding, or expect his parents to. One that he has told you won't happen and wouldn't work. Yet you ignore the facts.
First-loves tend to linger-on in your mind and heart; but not for the right reasons. It's force of habit, emotional-dependency, familiarity, and mostly sentiment. You've outgrown that puppy-love; and I think it is time you get a grip on fantasy and be an adult.
You're not getting married and he doesn't want to. You really have much growing-up to do. It will start by letting him go. "Accept" that he's not going to marry you. Going to a therapist and prolonging your misery through "friendship" is only beating a dead horse.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2017): It's not going to be fine. He is not ready to settle down. he wants to have lots of sex with women that aren't you. He's doing you a big favor by admitting to this and being honest with you about it. Let him go. You'll get over him and move on to something better.
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male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (29 December 2017):
 Sorry, but I don't think it will be fine. He is telling you as plainly as he can that he doesn't want to marry you and he doesn't think it will work.
You want him back because he was your first important love. That doen't mean he is the one you will marry. You have shared a lot, but I have to say that I think it is time to lick your wounds and let go.
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