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male
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anonymous
writes: I have been going out with this amazing girl for almost 6 months, and I will admit this girl is someone I can see spending the rest of my life with down the road..she is 29 years old....so far sounds good but there of course is a problem. About 6 weeks ago we were lying in bed together and talking and I sensed something was wrong I asked her and she broke down crying and said she is not sure if this is right for her..by that I mean the relationship...she said she is so confused...I then said to her well tell you what lets take a week off from each other...no phone calls no emails etc and then we will meet up with each other and you can see if that clears up things for you. We ended up doing that and once the week was up and we met she came to me all happy and said she wanted to continue and things went well. Well then about 3 weeks ago we were coming home from a get together at her friends house and in the car she broke down and cried and said she is sorry but cant do this anymore...again.... I have to admit I was in shock and did not see this coming...I took her home she asked me to come in and I did next thing I know she is crying etc wants me to lie down with her and tells me that maybe she is making a mistake and is so scared of screwing things up...so she said she is sorry for saying something is wrong and she held me the whole night and once again things were going great...ok now finally a couple of days ago I head to her house and for some reason I sensed something was going to happen. When I got to her house she apologized to me and said that something just does not feel right with our relationship and this time she is going to stick to her guns and break up. She was telling me she is not sure what it is but one thing she said is that she still does not love me...she likes me so much but for some reason still does not love me. One thing she said is she can’t say for sure if we will get back together. She says it’s not fair to put me through this all the time and that I need to move on. All I can do is respect her wishes but it hurts so much cause I treated her so well and we got along so well..her family really likes me and so does her friends. Now she was in a 3 year relationship that ended 2 years ago and that took her over a year to get over so I am wondering if maybe that is what is causing this problem. She is confusing I mean 2 days before the last break up she is asking me over for dinner and to stay the night. I do not know what to do .... I really thought this was the girl for me...I love her so much....can this be saved?
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reader, juliagulia  +, writes (3 March 2006):
 If she is this confused about the relationship, there isn't much you can do about it. You have expressed your feelings and been very sweet about it and that is the right thing to do. Sorry but that old cliche does apply here - if you love someone, set them free. If she loves you, she will come back to you when she is ready. I agree with martini's advice on this one. You need to find another way to occupy your time and just take some time for yourself. If she tries to spend time with you, just tell her you want to give it a rest for a while because this is hurting you and it is too hard to keep putting yourself out there for her to push away again. Give it a little time and see what happens in a few weeks. You have to realize, whatever it is, it isn't you - this is something she just needs to work out on her own.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2006): It might be saved, but lets NOT give the benefit of the doubt here. I suggest to you sir, to just leave her be. I know you love her, but let's give her space to do her own thing. If she asks you to dinner, refuse, tell her why, and say good night then hang up. She wants to go for a drink, refuse, tell her you're busy, and say good bye then hang up. She tells you she made a mistake and wants you back, you express uncertainty and make clear to her that you yourself want time away from her, explain it, say bye bye then hang up.Your intuition seems quite in-tuned, so I suggest you allow my suggestions to happen, and when you finally feel she is ready if ever, then allow her to come back. Otherwise, entertain your emptiness with something new - eg: hobbies, exercise, etc. Best wishes to you.
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