A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was with my boyfriend for just over a year. I am 19, he is 32. I am at university in Manchester while he lives in London so during our relationship we did not get to spend that much time together. He visited me a few times and we saw each other during the holidays. I broke up with him once last year because of the distance, but we got back together after about a month (he initiated getting back together). While we were together it was a bit difficult because of the distance, in that it felt like we kept stopping and starting the relationship everytime we saw each other and that we never had the chance to get to know each other properly because id see him for a few weeks at home and then go back to university for another few weeks. Over the summer, i initiated a serious talk with him about where the relationship was going etc, and we both agreed it was difficult because of the distance and the age gap is slightly a problem because neither of us have met each other’s friends or family yet. I told him i loved him and he said he really cared about me but didn’t love me. We both cried when we were talking about what to do, i wanted to stay in the relationship and try and work things out but he wasn’t sure and a few days later he ended it. He later admitted that it was partly because he got freaked out when i told him i loved him, and he said he has commitment issues. Anyway, i didn’t have contact with him for a whole month after he broke up with me, because i wanted to try and get over him but a month later he texted me saying he missed me and we met up. Since then, we have not been back together but we have met up quite a bit and it feels like we’re back in a relationship everytime we meet up, because we sleep together and cuddle, and go for dinner etc. I haven’t brought up the idea of getting back together properly because i don’t want to freak him out again, and i just enjoy still seeing him and spending time with him. He is moving up to Manchester, because of work, at the end of 2011, i’ll be in my last year of uni then but i would like/hope for us to get back together properly then because the distance wont be a problem anymore. I don’t know what to do, because i think if he is moving up to Manchester after the summer, i would still want to get back together straight away. I don’t know where our relationship is at now as well, because even thought whenever we meet up and im back home, it feels like we’re back in a relationship, sometimes he can act really off with me when im not around and i don’t know if he’s regretting seeing me when im back home. I really love him, and i know he doesn’t love me back although he does really care about me. He says im the closest he’s ever felt to anyone he’s been out with, and he’s not been in love with anyone before me. I don’t know if ive got false hope that this relationship might ever work. I feel like, if he moves up to Manchester we’ll become a lot closer, and even if he doesn’t love me now he might if we’re spending more time together and actually in a proper relationship where we can see eachother all the time, but is this just me being stupid and wasting my time with him?Please help, i really care about this guy and want things to work x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): You know this kind of question is so hard. Here you are with some of the elements of a great relationship but missing the real security you need. He won't be able to give it to you, in my opinion, and at 32, he has had enough time to work out his issues. It doesn't mean that at some point in the future he might not grow past the lack of desire or ability to commit, but you need or want a good relationship now. The thing is that the more time you spend in relationship with him, the less clear you will be. It's natural to grow closer emotionally as time passes, but it's not guaranteed that he will mirror your closeness. (He has been honest about his difficulty in this area). Do yourself a favor and SLOW DOWN. Take a break from the heavy side of this relationship and a break from seeing him, as hard as that might be at first. You might be saying goodbye to a dream, but at least you won't have a nightmare. And your next knight in shining armor or partner? He should be very clear that HE IS COMPLETELY INTO YOU! Backed up with actions that are trustworthy, kind, caring, considerate, affectionate, romantic and in line with your ability to give and to love. Best of success to you and REMEMBER, YOU DESERVE THE BEST AND THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO HURRY!!
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