A
female
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*up
writes:My bf and i live together he's 27 and has a daughter aged 8 who doesnt live with us, Im older than him and i have the ordeal of still being a virgin. We love each other very much, however ive not told him im still a virgin, hes slept with 27 girls before 3 of which were serious r'ships. I told him ive slept with 3 guys, well i certainly wasnt gonna tell the truth and look like such a prat! But i feel so inadequate compared to him.Anyway the other day we were getting somewhat hot with one another and he tried to insert his finger into me, and i yelled "ouch" as it hurt, he said sorry and genuinely looked it, well for me that killed the moment. Ive tried b4 to be penetrated and it hurts and nothing gets inside me im just too tight, is it because im slim? im a size 8.Its so upsetting for me cos i cant tell him im a virgin, and yet all i wanna do is make the advances to him but i know it wont get there so i cant, instead i avoid it cos im petrified. He does love me and tells me everyday and i love him back. Please help its on my mind constantly .. XXX
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2006): I really feel for you, I think honesty is clearly the best policy here. You're a virgin, but this guy's slept with 27 people. You're 100 times better in my opinion, someone who sleeps with that many people isn't that great at all in my opinion, infact the opposite.
I find it amazing the things that happen to people, I consider that i lost my virginity at 22, but didn't have proper sexual intercourse for some time later due to her having a similar problem to you, vaginismus was hers, maybe yours too? For me it was a big proble, because I was 22 wanting to lose my virginity, and I had to wait for her to pluck up the courage to go and see a doctor. I consider that I lost it at that age because even though my penis didn't really go in, part of the head did slightly and we did everything else other than full intercourse.
I never realised there were people with such ranges of experiences, unfortunately for me it bothers me a bit that it wasn't a bit earlier, although I kissed girls throughout my teens and even had a year long girlfriend from 11-12, I'm probably so bothered right now cos I'm seeing an 18 year old girl who's got a few years experience already. For me sometimes, just these thoughts stop me from doing every day things because I feel bad, it's horrible and probably uncalled for.
A
female
reader, uonlyliveonce +, writes (12 September 2006):
 you have to tell him when you do have sex for the first time you might bleed and then he's going to know anyway. im a size 8 and had sex for first time when i was 16 and it didnt hurt at all so it really has nothing to do with size but you have to want to do and be turned on first.
try going on top first time then your in control. x x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2006): i dont think you should see the fact that you are still a virgin as an ordeal, i think you should be extremly proud of yourself that you have waited until you have found the right person. i think you should take the time to sit down and have a chat and tell him you will probably find he shows massive respect for you as he should and you will probably feel much happier and relaxed and then trust me it will be a wonderful experience.
best of luck you deserve it
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A
female
reader, sugapuff  +, writes (12 September 2006):
 honey i think maybe you might wanna have a chat with a nice doctor you trust and see wat your options are cause there are psycological reasons that could be causing this tightness and i dont want you to cause yourself anymore pain or make sex any bigger an issue 4 you.
your boyfriend loves you he wont mind your a virgin.
and as you have said your older than him it seems this would have worried you 4 a long time i think with a little bit of counciling to resolve your fears and find out wat cause you to freeze up this is a well known condition alot of women suffer from!
you have nothing to be embarresd or ashamed of.
i really feel counciling is wat you need its not as simple as just relax.
i had panic attacks 4 months and all the oh just relax in the world didnt help me i thought theyd never stop but i went and got help and in a matter of weeks they stopped!
i wish you lots of luck
if you find it to hard to discuss maybe even write it down and show your doctor
i hope this helps in some way x
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A
female
reader, Helen1986 +, writes (12 September 2006):
 I think that you should tell him, his opinion wont change about you honestly. Just explain that you lied because you felt embarrassed, he will understand. It is very clear that this bloke loves you very much as he has waited for a while already. I think that he will wait until your ready hunny. I dont think your size has anything to do with it, maybe you need to relax a bit more. I wish you all the luck in the world
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (12 September 2006):
 I understand how painful, emotionally, this must be for you. But if this man loves you, he will understand whatever you tell him. My advice to you is to tell him the truth. Tell him you've never met anyone special enough before to give your virginity to but he's the one. That will make him feel so special and show him how much you love him.
Then, you can work through this together, once you both know the score. He will be more considerate of the situation, now he knows you've never done this before. You can try different things together, buy some toys maybe, and a lot of lubricant! Basically, just have a good time and make the first time you ever make love as memorable as it should be.
It sounds like you're probably very tense and that's why this is hurting you. After all those years of the anxiety building up, that's normal. But the size of your body has nothing to do with how wide your vagina can stretch. You just need to relax. Maybe try some counselling or yoga, something to help you learn to relax more. This will relax the muscles and allow things to enter you more easily.
Good luck and tell him as soon as you can. This will be so much better once he knows and you can learn together.
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (12 September 2006):
 I'm no doctor (but I play one on TV - LOL), but I would think that if you would lose your virginity, there would be no more problem. Now, how you lose your virginity (or bust your hymen) is up to you. I would think a vibrator might do the trick, or a small lubed up cucumber. LOL.
You say it hurts to penetrate. That's natural. If it's unbearable, you might see a real doctor and see if they can give you something to ease the pain or remove your hymen for you.
Being a size 8 makes no difference whatsoever.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, james1980 +, writes (12 September 2006):
Well firstly you should not see being size 8 as an issue, - see it as a very possitve sexual exploit. If your a Virgin that's great, blokes do not think down on virgins, they respetc them more for their integrity. I am no doctor but having just come out of a 3yr relationship with a size 8 girl, can I suggest using some lubricants, I'm guessing you will need to get as wet as possible to make things easier, - I owuld certainly tell him thow as that will relieve the phchocolgical *(spellins never was my strong point) side of things. Just remember, - he will love the fact you are a virgin, - just dont hold the fact that he has lived against him, my ex did this and it did my head in!! Good luck. J x
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